Here We Go Again!
by Gotta Have My Choco
Summary: With the otaku Kazumi back in the time period of her favorite anime, and her knight in shining armor Sesshomaru at her side, everything is right with the world! At least that's what she thinks. Join Kazumi as she goes through the domestic problems of becoming Sesshomaru's mate and the conflicts that come along with it. Disclaimer: Still don't own InuYasha, or its characters.
1. A Start At The End

**PAUSE! Before reading this, it is suggested that the story before this, "Oops I Did It Again!" is read completely for the best experience! PLAY!**

I thought we would get mated right away, but that didn't happen. I understand that I've been gone for three years and all, but still, it's very disappointing. Especially now that I have to have dancing, speech, and manners lessons alongside training to use my powers, I am oh so very disappointed. I'm glad I got into some sports during those three years, but they are nothing compared to this! Every day, I go to bed worn out and beaten to a pulp. Don't get me started on the lactic acid fermentation that's going on through every part of my body. Some nights I just want to scream "LACTIC ACID FERMENTATION! DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP!" Other nights, like tonight, Rin runs into my room and throws her eleven year old body on me. I don't complain about how it hurts my body because I love the girl to death. I'm glad that she's staying with me instead of going to the village. That's a change I'm glad I brought on.

"Kazumi-san, let's go to the garden!" the young brunette said excitedly.

"Rin, it's almost dark. You know that Sesshomaru would be upset if you are not in bed by then." I told her as I lifted her off my torso and sat her on the bed next to me.

"Rin- I only want to see the sunset! Then I promise to come in and go to sleep. Please!"

"Rin…"

"Pretty, pretty please? Just this once?"

I shouldn't have looked in her eyes. I'm weak when it comes to the puppy dog eyes. How can others stare into this face and say no?

"Fine, but only this on time. Next time is definitely no." I sighed.

"Yeah! We need to hurry or else we'll miss it!"

Rin took my hand and started to fast walk, bringing me along. Color me impressed when I saw her in action. She knew the manor like the back of her hand, taking the least walked hallways (the ones I didn't know existed), slipping to different halls when someone came onto the one we were on, and never losing her way. She even managed to lose two of the guards that saw us. Exactly how long has she been doing this? At this point she seemed to be a professional at this. She was so stealthy, she really could be a ninja…

We went up a hill in the garden and sat in front of the only tree on it. We were able to see the entire garden (which was much bigger than I remember), the manor, and some of the village, which seemed to be decorating for something.

"Kazumi-san, do you see that big part of the garden?" Rin asked me as she pointed to the large amount of land to my left. "Lord Sesshomaru made that a garden in memory of you when you left. We were both really sad, and so Lord Sesshomaru made it so we would never forget you."

That explains why the garden is much bigger than I remember. After looking at it longer, Rin's words replayed in my mind. They had built a memory garden for me. I had left that much hurt on both of them, and I feel bad for it. At the same time, it warms my heart. The stoic and inflexible Lord of the Western Lands had missed me.

"You should not speak of things so easily." Sesshomaru said, startling the color out of my skin.

It came back as quickly as it left as Rin laughed.

"Why are you not in bed?" he asked both of us.

"Rin wanted to see the sunset with Kazumi-san."

That third-person speaking habit is going to go away easily. I patted the ground next to me, and Sesshomaru sat there. I leaned against his shoulder and gazed at my memory garden. I'll have to change the name since I'm not dead. Having just the three of us there made the moment that much more special. It felt as though we were family, and after all the crap we've been through, we might as well be. Actually, in a couple of months, we will be (I consider the word "ward" as "daughter" when it comes to Sessho and Rin). Honestly, I can't wait, but from what I've heard, it's going to hell for a bit. Demonesses can get feisty, but I've been to high school. I think I can handle it, and if I can't they can take their complaints to my fists. Okay, maybe not my fists… definitely not my fists, I know when I'll lose a fight… not that I've ever lost one… okay, to be honest, I've never been in a fist fight outside of Skyrim and The Sims. You know what, scratch that, if they have complaints, they can take them to Sesshomaru. I should have just said that to begin with.

**A/N: I'mmmmmmmmmmmm baaaaaaaacccccccckkk! Geez, it's been like two months. Blame it on all the school work! There is no reason I should come home at 4 o'clock p.m. and work 'till 12 a.m., just to wake up at 5 a.m. to finish! Anyway, hope you enjoyed, hopefully I'll be putting chapters up periodically!**


	2. Some Old Friends

The next morning was a beautiful one. After rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I was able to see the warm orange and golden rays of sunlight reflecting on the dew covered grass. The clouds parted, showing the rising sun, as it peaked over the distant mountains. I could tell that it was going to be a good day. There's no way that the morning would look this good, just to unfold as a horrible day.

After getting dressed and eating some breakfast, I went to the library. I had the day off, and was going to make the best of it. I picked up a book, _The Kingdom_, and started reading. I was hoping that it would be something exciting, like a folklore about a peasant that somehow became a king and his several tribulations throughout his story and stuff, but no. It was about a real kingdom and its history. I'm no good with history, at all, and like I do while reading any history book, I ended up falling asleep while reading the third page.

I woke up to someone opening the door. I wiped the small amount of drool off the corner of my mouth as I listened to what the maid had to say.

"My Lady, you have guests." She told me.

I scrunched my eyebrows together out of confusion. Why would I have guests? I don't know anyone outside of the castle that Sesshomaru would let in; much less would he let them see me personally. I got up and put away the book, mentally reminding myself to not pick it up again. I followed the maid, fixing anything out of place. I didn't want anything to be out of place, especially if it's Sesshomaru's mom. I don't want her to point them out and then try to fix them herself. To say the least, that's embarrassing. She's already done it before, and she ended up stripping me down and putting me in a kimono she had brought for me. It was really fancy, and showy, and heavy, and it made everyone look at me, and Sesshomaru didn't like that. Everything was just a mess that day, a complete, evitable mess.

As the maid and I got closer to my guests, I was worries if the guest being InuKimi or someone I didn't know were dispelled. I could tell by the arguing that it was Kagome and InuYasha. Hearing their usual arguing put a smile on my face.

"Kazumi! It's been so long since I've seen you!" Kagome exclaimed as she hugged me the moment I came into her sight.

"It hasn't been more than two months." I told her.

"That's a long time!"

I chuckled. She hadn't changed at all. "So how are Sango and Miroku?"

"Those two? They're fine for the most part. Did you know that they've had three children?"

"Three little bundles of joy, I guess."

"Yeah…"

There was a moment of silence between us.

"So when do you plan on having your own?" Kagome asked me.

"Uh, well… I'm not exactly mated to Sesshomaru yet, so…"

"I see…"

"What about you? You're married to InuYasha, I'm sure there's nothing stopping you."

"Oh, well…"

She blushed harder than I had ever seen. I'm guessing that they're trying.

"Anyway, what brings you to this part of the world?" I asked as a mean to get rid of the awkwardness of the situation.

"We were just passing by." InuYasha chimed in.

"Liar." Tricking me wouldn't be so easy now. "You know, you're my friend to, so you don't have to act so tough in front of me."

"Why would I want to act tough in front of you?" was his question.

"I don't know, maybe because you're in your older brother's manor and don't want to seem weak. That's just my guess." I said nonchalantly. "That doesn't matter though, I know you well enough."

He stared at me before he reverted his attention back to his wife.

"So how are you?" Kagome asked.

"Other than being sore every other day from training, I guess I'm fine." I couldn't help but to smile. It was nice having a friend over.

"Aunty Kagome!" I heard Rin yell as she ran and hugged Kagome. When she got here, I don't know.

"Hey, Rin, it's nice to see you too. Wow, you've been growing!" Kagome exclaimed as she hugged the little girl back.

"It just now occurred to me; we'll be sisters after I mate with Sesshomaru." I told Kagome.

We both stared at each other before smiling. I turned and faced InuYasha. He gave me a look, telling me not to go there with him. Of course I would anyway.

"And you'll be my brother." I told InuYasha.

He sighed.

"Oh wow, you've matured quite a bit since I last saw you." I said with pure surprise in my voice. He would have gotten angry with me before if I did something he blatantly told me not to do, even though it wasn't that blatant.

It was during that moment of bliss when I felt a cold feeling wash over my spine. I stopped in my tracks along with everyone else.

"Would someone care to explain why this Sesshomaru was not informed of this gathering?"

**A/N: Ooh! Someone's in trouble!  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Apparently, my writing isn't descriptive enough and choppy, so I'll try to fix that and make it easier to follow. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Domesticated?

Our ship may have just crashed and burned on the rocky shores of paradise. Who thought it was a bright idea to NOT tell Sesshomaru? This is HIS manor! And I'm not going to say that the relationship between Sesshomaru and InuYasha has gotten better than it was before. Sparks of tension were flying in the air the moment InuYasha and Sesshomaru made eye contact. At the rate things were going, InuYasha was going to do something stupid.

"Hey, hey, don't fight! Save that for later. Right now, we should all just relax."

I tried to mediate, but they, unfortunately, downright ignored me.

"If you have a problem with it, deal with it." InuYasha said as he turned his back toward Sesshomaru.

"You're not making the situation better!" I whispered/yelled at InuYasha.

"I couldn't care less! If that bastard has a problem with me, he ought to deal with it."

"It would have been settled if you were never born." Sesshomaru said cooly.

"It would have been settled if you weren't such an arrogant asshole." InuYasha shot back, baring his fangs already.

After exhaling, I grabbed InuYasha's ear and pulled. He yelped slightly from surprise. I glared at his childish face.

"I don't care how upset you are. Don't you DARE curse in front of Rin, and would you both stop acting like babies?! You're grown men, it's unseemly." I scolded.

InuYasha's ears flattened, and Sesshomaru averted his gaze. At least they weren't at each other's throats for the moment. I sighed and formally invited them in. I could tell Sesshomaru didn't agree with my decision, but the glance I shot him got him to ignore them at best. I took Rin's hand and showed the two to someplace other than the main foyer. We caught up as we walked and I told them some ground rules. The rules weren't anything outrageous, things like no cursing, no wandering, no arguing with Sesshomaru as though you want to get kicked out of the manor, or your but handed to you. Nothing too complicated.

"Now that things have calmed down a bit and we're relaxed, how are things at the village?" I asked as we all sat down in a lounge room.

"It's fine for the most part, but you know there will always be those hard times." Kagome replied.

"That's for sure."

A maid came in and served us all tea. After taking a sip of the tea that was already sweetened to my liking and thanking the maid, I continued the conversation.

"I never really thought about it while you guys were searching for the jewel shards, but a lot of bad things were happening. I thought at least some of them would go away after everything was said and done, but they haven't. It's taken such a long time to get things back in order, and it kills me, knowing that I'm sitting here happily while others are barely able to live day by day."

"You can't fix the world."

"I know, I know, but I'd at least like to try and fix something, you know? Not just be the pretty lady at the side."

**Isn't that exactly what you did when you were "helping" them fight Naraku?' [I]**

'Shut up! Shut! Up!' [Me]

"That's a great goal, but would Sesshomaru give you the liberty of doing that?"

"Well, to a certain extent."

"I don't think letting you roam around the castle town for no more than a few minutes with guards protecting you will help others."

I only sipped my tea.

"Wait, I'm right?" Kagome questioned.

I put down my cup and looked outside.

"It's a beautiful day today." I noted.

"Oh my goodness, he doesn't let you go out."

"It's a dangerous world. Turns out that people hate me because Sesshomaru chose me over their daughters."

"But still!"

"Well, what he says tends to not get me hurt, and when I make decisions, I tend to end up hurt."

"You've got to be kidding me." InuYasha finally chimed in. "You're going to let him control every aspect of your life?!"

"No." I said as I took another sip of tea.

"That's what it sounds like." Kagome told me.

"Things sound like lots of things."

"That makes no sense."

"Because you don't understand the context. You see, my dear friends, there are things that Sesshomaru knows that none of us know. We see things out of context. He may keep me inside because he knows there's an assassin waiting for me to screw up, but we wouldn't know that."

"That's hypothetically speaking, right?" Kagome asked, very worried.

"Yes, and no. I don't know."

"Kazumi-san, it is almost time for my lessons."

"Oh, go ahead."

The little tot walked out of the room before starting her skip to the library. The room was quiet as InuYasha and Kagome stared at me. I finished my tea and put the cup aside.

"It's as though she's been domesticated." Kagome whispered to InuYasha.

"I should have seen it coming." InuYasha whispered back.

"You know I can hear you both, right?" the two separated and sat stiffly as they looked at their hands. "There were events when people were out to get me before Naraku was even terminated. Now that basically everyone knows that I am 100% going to be Sesshomaru's mate, how much more danger will there be?"

"Still…" Kagome started.

"Still nothing, I've decided that Sesshomaru's right, and I'm going to stick with it this time."

**A/N: I wish I could forget about my forever alone life and just fanfic all day and all night, but alas, my dream will never come true… Sorry for making you all wait again and that it's not much. **** I really am trying. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the support! **


	4. Party Hard?

We dropped the subject and enjoyed each other's company for once. Around noon, they left so they could get back to their village before sunset. After seeing them off, I tried to return to my room. The second I opened the door, I was pulled in and given a bath. I could tell that someone was a little upset because of my visitors. After being soaked from head to toe and getting scrubbed as though I had weeks' worth of dirt on my body, I was dried. I was going to have a nice chat with Sesshomaru. At least that was my plan until the maids started to really dress me up. They took their time as they dressed me in a couple of layers until they put on the last one. It was bluish-black with a mountain depicted on it. In the sky depicted near my chest, a crescent moon hung, with golden and white rays softly radiating off of it. My hair was held flat until it dried, and was then brushed. The maids painted my face in makeup and then left me in the room.

'I think something special is going down today.' [Me]

**You think? [I]**

_Could you stop being rude for a second? [Myself]_

'Why you gotta be so rude?' [Me]

_Don't start that. [Myself]_

**Oh, so you can be rude and I can't? [I]**

_That wasn't being rude. [Myself]_

**Then how was I rude? If anything, I was sarcastic! [I]**

_Kill me now. [Myself]_

'What would be going on, and why wouldn't Sesshomaru tell me about it?' [Me]

**I'd guess that it's a surprise. [I]**

'Still, he would at least have told me a couple of minutes before, right?' [Me]

_Well you were hanging out with InuYasha and Kagome, weren't you? [Myself]_

'Oh yeah… that's probably why…'[Me]

_I wonder what it is. [Myself]_

**Just don't embarrass us. [I]**

'I'd rather die than embarrass myself. Who knows what my manners teacher would do, and I honestly don't want to find out.' [Me]

I laid down against the bed and took a deep breath. It was time to become as stolid and unemotional and impassive and indifferent and cold and unresponsive as possible. If those people were to see the smallest flaw in me, they would never let it down.

After shaking the nerves out of my body, a maid came and told me to follow her. I have no idea what is happening, but I'll go through with it anyway. I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. What was going to happen? Was it another dinner with some other noble? Maybe his mother was visiting again. I doubt that though, I wouldn't be this fancy for his mother. She likes me the way I am. Yeah, it's probably another dinner.

I was close enough. I just underestimated. We had about, umm… one, two, three,… fifty. I honestly should have known better. Sesshomaru wouldn't have decked me out in all this fancy gear for just two or three nobles. Anyway, when I walked out, I was surprised to see so many demons with such domineering presences all at once. I let go of the surprise and smiled warmly at the first few I greeted. I ignored the glares I received from majority of the young women, and tried to be a good hostess.

That was until Sesshomaru entered. Like I had been taught, I stopped talking. "Once in the presence of the dominant male, one should refrain from speaking unless given permission by the dominant male." That's what Teach taught. A lot of the rules of this day don't make sense to me. Majority of them deal with dominance… I wonder why. I know, I know, it's patriarchy with all its male glory, but still. It's like dominance left and right. Why can't we all just love each other for who we are, male or female? Why must one be subordinate? Sure, there's the whole "someone has to be in charge" argument but still. Anyway, that's beside the point. Wait, what was my point? …When it comes to customs and traditions, you just don't question it sometimes. Being dominant doesn't really have anything to do with loving each other, does it? No! Stay on topic! Don't let your fatal flaw of not being able to stay on topic when writing English essays get to you!

Once Sesshomaru spotted me, he came over. The people parted, not daring to obstruct his way. I waited silently as he signaled his approval of me speaking. The first thing I did was bow and give my short vote of thanks.

"I thank you, Lord Sesshomaru."

Doesn't seem like much, right? Wrong, Teach told me that once someone forgot to do that little thank you sign and was sentenced to death for it. I know Sesshomaru wouldn't kill me over it, but it would be a huge deal to overlook apparently. I don't know the history of all these things that are required and stuff, but I do know that I have to do it.

He held his hand out, and I took it of course. Everyone continued with their own conversations, and most of them took their eyes off of me. Sesshomaru led me to the group of six demons with the largest auras. As we approached, the man with red hair was the first to come out and say something.

"I knew that when you settled on a mate, she would be a fine catch, but I didn't think she would be such a jewel." He said as he looked over me.

"I would accept no less."

After catching up a bit more, Sesshomaru finally introduced me.

"Kazumi, this is the lord of the eastern lands, Ryuu, and his mate. The one beside him is Ren, lord of the northern lands. Then there is Karou, lord of the southern lands and his mate."

"I am honored to be in your presences." I said as I bowed.

"We have been waiting to see the woman that wooed the cold lord of the western lands." Ren commented.

"I am glad that I have met your expectations." I said with a smile.

"I suggest not showing that smile to others. Even Sesshomaru can get jealous." Ryuu cautioned.

"My lord has nothing to be jealous of. I do not plan on straying from his side."

After a day of meeting and greeting, and a night of drinking and revelling, I was exhausted and drunk. I went out to the balcony to get some fresh air. Even though it's sophisticated, those demons sure do know how to party hard. For my first time drinking, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm scared my liver might shut down, but that's okay. I'll grow a new one. Who would have thought that, that so many people would give toasts? There's not even a toaster here! After hiccupping, I lost the little balance I had. I was lucky enough to be caught by a nice fellow that was also out getting air. I was kind of surprised to see that it was the lord of the northern lands.

"You must be careful; otherwise someone might snatch you away from Sesshomaru."

"Thank you for the advice." I said as I bowed apologetically.

When I returned to my standing position, the lord spoke again.

"These Inus have a tendency of choosing a second woman to keep steady with. If Sesshomaru proves to be the same, I will not hesitate to take you from him." He stated bluntly.

It took me a minute to get the alcohol far enough from my brain to interpret what he had said. I looked at him in shock. It scared me, how easily he could say that. This was the "party" telling everyone our intention of getting mated, and here he was saying that he would take me if Sesshomaru found another. Isn't he supposed to encourage us? I'm very confused now.

"There is no need to be confused. I am letting you know what will happen if Sesshomaru lets you go, even for the slightest moment. I am sure the other lords would do the same if they were not already mated. Some audacious ones would even try to put you in their court."

"Thank you for letting me know this, but I believe it is time for me to return to the event. " I said as I walked past him

Even doing that sent a chill down my back. Were the people here even truly reveling, or were they scouting for a new thing to call their own?

**A/N: Hey guys… been a while hasn't it? Sorry for the huge hiatus, but it's Christmas Break! XD  
I'll try really hard to get some more of this story out! Thanks to all the people that stayed with me, and to those who still fav. Or followed the story even though it hadn't been updated in a really long time. I really do appreciate all of the support, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Hopefully, I'll have another chapter up tomorrow!**


	5. Unexpected Plans

I drank a cup of water. I'd still have a hangover, but it wouldn't be as bad. The party had ended and everyone had gone to wherever they were going. I just wanted to forget half of the night. Sesshomaru had already tortured what the northern lord had said to me out, and confirmed that it was not uncommon. As it would turn out, this part of the mating process was basically a huge test to see if the relationship was even worthwhile. I sat in bed, yawning as I started to fall asleep. When I finally did, I had a good night's sleep for the most part. Waking up was different. My head pounded, and I felt as though I hadn't eaten in days.

After bathing and brushing my teeth, I went outside to get some air. I needed a miracle for this headache. Jeez it's ridiculous. After doing that, I turned around to go back inside, only to stop a few inches away from Sesshomaru. He stared at me before looking around.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"You have yet to go beyond the castle walls." He stated.

"What of it?"

"Would you like to?"

"Really? You would let me?" I said with excitement finding its way into my voice. "What is the catch?"

He raised an eyebrow. He was still getting used to my speech, just as I am learning routines and understood concepts.

"What must happen in order for this to occur?"

"I will escort you."

"What must happen in order for this to occur?"

"I will escort you."

"Personally?"

"Yes."

"Did you eavesdropping in when I was talking to InuYasha and Kagome?"

It is not eavesdropping when you speak loud enough for the entire castle to hear."

"Fine, fine. You weren't eavesdropping." I agreed. "Are there any restrictions I should know ahead of time?"

"Do not accept anything that I have not confirmed to be safe."

"Agreed! When are we going?"

"This afternoon."

"I could barely contain my squeal of joy.

"It is not eavesdropping when you speak loud enough for the entire castle to hear."

"Fine, fine. You weren't eavesdropping." I agreed. "Are there any restrictions I should know ahead of time?"

"Do not accept anything that I have not confirmed to be safe."

"Sounds legit." I agreed. "Oh, I can't wait! What should I wear?"

Sesshomaru walked with me. It was nice to have him there, listening to me ramble since he's not exactly a conversation starter. He would stare at me sometimes, maybe raise an eyebrow. If I was lucky, I'd get a small chuckle. That chuckle is no joke. It's the sexiest chuckle I have heard in my life. Oh my Gees, that chuckle. It sends shivers down my back like a cold winter's breeze on a December's night.

Sesshomaru took my moment of fangirling and used it to his advantage. He stole a kiss from me in the courtyard. I was starting to get used to these public displays of affection. Sure, I still blushed and all, but at least I didn't make a huge fuss out of it. It took me quite some time to adapt to it, even after coming back. Heck, I still remember the funniest reaction I had. It actually made me chuckle. Seeing the Sesshomaru's face in reaction to my chuckle showed that he wanted to know what I was laughing at. Well, I wouldn't tell him. I took his hand with both of mine and led him forward.

I was elated. To think Sesshomaru would take Kagome and InuYasha's "advice", at least that's what I'll call it. After holding his hand for a while, he had to go finish his work for the day. I took the time to go find something to wear. It was going to be my first time actually going into the town and not just through it. The maids helped me pick out a light blue kimono with a white obi. It wasn't too fancy, but it was a new look. I left my hair as it was though. I'm not going to go through all of that. It was fine the way it was. I wasn't going to sit in a chair for around twenty minutes just so they could brush my hair straight. I understand Rin's pain now. Would Rin be coming with us? No, she has lessons this afternoon. I bet she would have loved to come out with us.

I waited in my room, blowing the strands of hair that fell in my face away. I let out a sigh before tapping my fingers and humming out Again by Yui. Since I took a Japanese class, I actually kind of knew what I was humming. And at that moment, I remembered that the artist that wrote the last opening for Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood also wrote some openings for Black Butler, and from the thought of Black Butler, my mind pictured Sebastian. Oh my goodness, Sebastian. He's voiced by the same guy that does Kyoya from Ouran High School Host Club! Before I could start fangirling crazily, I thought.

'Is it okay for me to be fangirling over these characters now? I mean, I have Sesshomaru…' [Me]

**That doesn't mean you can't think of the others. Let them live in your head, with us. [I]**

'Wouldn't it get cramped? I mean, there's me, you, and Myself, then there's Beast, Sadness, Sorrow, Conscience (unfortunately)… the Seven deadly ones, moral, common sense, curiosity… fright-' [Me]

_I'm sure you've proven your point. [Myself]_

**I didn't mean it like us, live in your head. I meant like you can still cherish the memory. Fangirling isn't the same as being in love, love. Remember, when you first fell in love with Sesshomaru, you were surprised. [I]**

_You fell in love, love after spending some time with him. [Myself]_

'You're right.' [Me]

**You're damn right we're right. [I]**

By the time I stopped conversing with myself, around thirty minutes passed. My internal clock said so. I laid down on the bed and decided to get some rest. That was a great way to pass time, and there's no harm done in sleeping. I stayed awake in bed for a couple of minutes thinking about nothing before I fell asleep.


	6. A Vote of Thanks

Choco: Hey guys! It's Choco! Haven't had one of these for this Fan Fic, so why not now? First things first, MERRY CHRISTMAS! It's only been a year? Everything else went by so fast! Regardless, I'm glad that I was able to make some of yous peoples days. It really does make me happy when I'm able to wake up to positive feedback, or to see that people are reading my stories. Thank you all so much. I'm going to make up a new word for you all. Honestly, I can't remember the other one. Was it "Ameacaples?" IDK. My main point, I can't think of a new word because my gratitude to you all is beyond description. Thanks again, and keep being marvelous.

Kazumi: … I'm pretty sure that's not what they wanted. They probably wanted another chapter.

Choco: Shut up! I'm going as fast as I can!

Kazumi: It's not even a legit Christmas Special!

Choco: This isn't even titled with anything having to do with Christmas!

Kazumi: That's what people would expect! You uploaded this ON CHRISTMAS DAY! Honestly, I'd expect a Christmas Special!

Choco: Then stop being honest for now!

Kazumi: No! Mi mum told me to always do what's right!

Choco: You're not going to do what's right in the next chapter.

Kazumi: I'm not?!

Sesshomaru: She will make a mistake?

Choco: Thank you for almost killing my heart! Don't just pop up out of nowhere, and alas, I cannot say anymore.

Sesshomaru: And why not?

Choco: Because of reasons I will not explain for the purpose of time and because I don't want to.

Sesshomaru: I know to be weary now.

Choco: You don't know to be weary of anything.

[Choco erases Sesshomaru's mind magically with a fancy dancing before clapping and posing.]

Kazumi: Good job. I really liked the jazz hands, they were a nice touch.

Sesshomaru: You said I should be weary?

Choco: Dammit, I started too early…

Kazumi: Poor Choco. This is going to take some time. Just to repeat, we give you our thanks for being such lovely people. We greatly appreciate your effort, because without you, this is a waste of time!

Choco: DAMMIT! STOP BEING SO SMART!

Sesshomaru: I am only taking what you are saying and putting into logical context.

Choco: HOW THE HELL DOES THAT GIVE YOU THE SAME SOLUTION?!

Sesshomaru: Perhaps you should stop being an idiot, and stop repeating yourself.

Choco: You're so lucky you're on my list of favorite anime characters.

Sesshomaru: At least you have good taste.

[Choco faces audience with a forced smile.]

Choco: Merry Christmas everyone!

Kazumi: Feliz Navidad!

Choco: Let's try this again… Where'd Sesshomaru go?!


	7. Adventure Outside The Manor!

When I woke up, I wasted no time going to Sesshomaru's study. When I opened the door, I was glad to see that Sesshomaru was getting up. I went over to him and took him by the arm. I started toward the door, but was eventually led by Sesshomaru.

We walked past the gates and into the town. As we walked, we caught the attention of many of the townspeople. Sesshomaru must be a wonderful leader. The people were ecstatic to see Sesshomaru, and some were glad that I was with him. They offered jewelry, food, things got really ridiculous at some points. There was once that some guys offered to carry me, and when they started moving toward me to do it, without my consent, Sesshomaru almost cut all of their hands off. I stopped him and saved the workers from losing their arms, but Sesshomaru still gave them the evil eye.

Thank goodness Sesshomaru was there. I might have been trampled on accident because of all the commotion, but it was great. I loved being able to see all the people that Sesshomaru works so hard for. I refused any and all jewelry. I knew they needed it much more than I did. I thanked them, and accepted very little. Even at that, it didn't go straight to me. I still enjoyed being able to at least speak to some of the townspeople. I was even able to hold a little baby. It was such an adorable baby, growing its canines and soft curly red hair. It was a little girl. Thankfully, when I had the baby in my arms, the crowd gave me some space.

"What is her name?" I asked the mother.

"Her name is Hikari."

"Oh, that's such a beautiful name. It fits her wonderfully. I cannot wait to have my own. I hope it will be as adorable as yours."

"I thank you, My Lady." The mother said as I handed back her baby.

From there, Sesshomaru led me past the people and toward the several vendors. I didn't want much, and was just glancing around, trying to get a look at all the stuff that caught my eye. However, whenever Sesshomaru saw me glancing at something, he bought it without hesitation. I could do nothing but give a nervous laugh as I watched Sesshomaru. His presence dared someone to try and cheat him. I guess I was okay with his spending on me because it helps the vendors out in the end. After eating a small snack, I found that I had somehow managed to get separated from Sesshomaru. I looked around for him before feeling a small tug at my kimono. I looked down and saw that a little child was holding my kimono. I crouched down to his level and rubbed his hair.

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

He held out his hand, and offered me a small bag. I contemplated taking it, but decided that there was no harm in seeing what was in it. Curiosity killed the cat, not the dog. I opened the bag and found that it was half way filled with some type of candy. I knew I was supposed to return it, but my sweet tooth told me to do otherwise. I gave in to my unexplainable love of sweets, accepted the candy, and thanked the kid before trying to give him something in return. Instead of waiting on me, he turned around and ran back to his friends. After standing back up, I watched the children as they turned and waved at me. I waved back before putting the small purse into my kimono and continuing on my way. I continued to search for Sesshomaru, but got distracted by a vendor. He was selling sweet buns! How could anyone resist?

I bought one, but before I could have a bite, it was taken out of my hands. When I looked up from my hands to see who had taken my food, I was saddened to see that it was Sesshomaru. He glared at me, silently scolding me for allowing myself to be separated from him, even though he's partially at fault as well. If he really wanted me to stay near him at all times, he would have tied me to him with a rope. Yes, it would look weird, and I would have hated it, but it would get the job done.

When I tried to get the sweet bun back, Sesshomaru moved it right out of my reach. I gave up on trying to save it from the evil clutches of the one who did not buy it. After waiting for Sesshomaru to let his guard down he finally did after a minute and I attacked. I brought his arm to my height, and before he could question it, I took a bite out of the sweet bun and gave a smile of victory. Mission accomplished!

At least I thought I won. I wasn't expecting my plan to backfire, I mean, how could it? Well, Sesshomaru ate the rest of it… IN MY FACE! Yeah, just popped that sucker into his mouth and chowed down. I wanted to cry, I really did. That was the best sweet bun I had ever tasted! Before I could buy another one, he took my hand and led me away. My eyes must have spelled out my despair. As I was taken away, the sweet buns salesman gave me a look of sympathy before bowing his head and clapping his hands together.

I hadn't had anything sweet since like... a couple of months ago, making my separation from the vendor that much more grievous. I guess I'll have to settle with the candy. I should probably run it by Sesshomaru, but he'll just take it away, just like the sweet bun. I'll never let him do that to me again.

After stopping for some "presents" (more spoiling) we returned to the manor. I was glad that I had Sesshomaru to myself for almost the entire afternoon. It was also great being able to actually go out and see some of the townspeople too, I'd love to do it more often, but of course that can't happen. Sesshomaru went back to his work, and I decided to see how Rin was doing since I hadn't talked to her at all today.

I opened the door to her room after knocking lightly. Rin sat on her bed with her arms folded and with a pouting face.

"Hey Rin, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm mad at you!" She told me.

"Mad at me? What did I do this time?"

"You left with Sesshomaru-sama, but without me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Rin. I thought of taking you with us, but you had lessons this afternoon."

"I could have skipped!"

"Skipping your lessons is not good. When you do, your lesson plans are shifted back, and it takes more time to understand stuff."

"But I wanted to go too!"

"Well, you can't always get what you want, now can you?" I asked her.

She was silent as I gave her a hug.

"Why don't we do something together now?"

"I don't want to go outside anymore..."

"Then we can stay right here. There are plenty of thing we can do."

"Like what?"

I didn't actually think we could do as much as we did. It was ludicrous . We didn't "use our imagination," no it was 100% legit. We started off braiding hair, then we read a little before building things using whatever we could find in the room. Then we expanded to the hallways, and eventually ended up sneaking around, "borrowing" what we thought would look nice on the miniature castle we were building. We got pretty far, managing to make a castle wall out of bed sheets, a moat of pillows, and halls lined with vases, but then Sesshomaru stumbled across the room. I guess he thought it was too quiet. He took all of the stuff back and made Rin go to bed. I went back to my room after wishing Rin a good night.

After being escorted to my room by Mr. Stick-in-the-mud, he continued on his weekly patrol. I sat down on my bed with a sigh. It was the soft clanking of the candy that reminded me that I had it. I took it out of my kimono. I managed to carry his thing around with me the entire day without getting caught with it, to my surprise. I opened the little pouch and examined its content once again before taking out one of the several pale yellow balls that filled the pouch. They looked like Lemon Heads. I really wanted to eat one, but Sesshomaru wouldn't have told me not to accept gifts that haven't gone through him for a reason. Then again, he is just a stick-in-the-mud sometimes. The fact that I'm taking this much time on contemplating whether to eat it or not tells me that I probably shouldn't.

My ears twitched as I heard footsteps coming toward my door. In a frantic hurry, I put the ball back into the pouch and hid it under my pillow. I finished doing so just as the room door opened.

"My Lady, would you like to eat dinner?" a maid asked me.

"Oh, no. I'm fine."

"Are you sure, My Lady?"

"I am pretty sure. Thank you."

The maid left me alone after that. I was able to take a deep breath. I pray I didn't look like a deer staring at the headlights of a car. I thought it was Sesshomaru coming in, and it had scared the bajeebies out of me.

"Thank goodness." I sighed aloud.

"Is there something wrong?"

I jumped further onto the bed when I heard Sesshomaru's voice.


	8. Getting Ready

"Not at all! What makes you say that? Ha ha."

I managed to calm myself a bit before looking him in the eye. This man is going to give me a heart attack. When I looked at him, he was within arms' reach, and staring into my eyes.

"What made you decide to visit?" I asked him.

"Is it unusual for one to see their mate?"

"No…"

I looked away as Sesshomaru held me in his arms. It isn't every day that we have alone time like we do now. To say the least, I love it when we have these moments to ourselves. I sat quietly as he pulled at my kimono sleeve. Feeling his cold fingers touch the skin on my arms sent shivers down my back as he drew himself closer. I kept my gaze on the wall as I felt his other hand wrap itself on my waist. I blushed heavily as we both fell backwards onto the bed. He then gently took my chin and led my gaze to his face. When his lips met mine, my eyes refused to stay open as I was enveloped into the moment. My arms found their way around Sesshomaru's neck. I wanted to stay in his arms longer, but I knew things would quickly escalate if I did. I let go a couple of minutes later, letting Sesshomaru know that his time was up. It took a lot of tries, but I had managed to get Sesshomaru to settle with what I would give him. He still kept me in his embrace after our little moment, but at least he wasn't trying to get into my pants.

"I will not stop on the night of our mating, no matter how much you plead." He said aloud.

"Don't make it sound so intimidating."

"Be prepared to not sleep that night."

I felt myself getting clammy as he smirked.

"That's not funny…"

"It is not a joke." He said with a straight face. "You have kept me waiting for years…"

I felt his grip on me tighten. My disappearance for those years must have really tortured him. I held onto his arms just as tightly.

"Don't think that the wait didn't kill me as well."

"'Kill you?'"

"The wait was excruciating for me as well." I explained.

There was a moment of silence as he nuzzled my neck. I was content with holding his hands.

"I'm guessing that the day is getting closer." I whispered as the heat slowly crept back onto my face.

"…Why do you believe so?"

"You have yet to nuzzle me like this without trying something else."

"Is that so?"

"Why can you not be direct with me?"

"It is interesting to see your reactions."

"You're going to regret it one day."

"Then I will wait for the day to come."

"I thought you hated waiting."

"I would wait millennia for you."

"What's this? The Lord of the Western Lands is speaking sweet nothings into my ears?"

"Your commentary is aggravating."

"But you love it."

"This Sesshomaru will admit no such thing."

"Then this Kazumi will lead this Sesshomaru to the door." I responded.

He obliged and left my room. Before I closed the door, he placed a kiss on my forehead and caressed my cheek one last time for the night. After softly closing the door, I laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Today was eventful, I guess?

Before I knew it, I was asleep. I must have been more tired than I thought. After getting a good night's sleep, I woke up expecting to continue my day to day routine but that thought quickly left my mind when I saw Sesshomaru lying next to me. Didn't I show him out of my room yesterday? I stared at his face as I realized that he was holding onto me as well.

"Umm… Sesshomaru?" I said.

He opened his eyes and stared at me.

"Yes?"

"I kind of have to go and train." I said as I tried to loosen his grip on my body.

"Did you not say that our mating day is approaching?"

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Your training has been suspended until our mating has passed."

"Really?"

"In its stead, you will have longer lessons."

"You hate me, don't you?"

"If I hated you, you would be dead."

"Thanks for being honest."

"Is that not what you wanted?" He asked me as he pulled me into a kiss.

I didn't let him have this one as I finally left his grip.

"Well, I will go attend my lessons seeing that you are so intent on me having taught."

I could tell from his eyes that he was not amused by my joke, making it that much more enjoyable. As I left the room, I was met by a couple of maids leaning toward the door. I stared at them, wondering what they were doing. It wasn't until their cheeks lit up that I realized what they had been waiting for. I blushed as well as I walked away. They should be able to tell that nothing happened from my scent.

I know they're happy that Sesshomaru has finally chosen a mate, but seriously? Well, if Sesshomaru hadn't of stayed in my room without my permission last night, they wouldn't have been that interested. I already said that nothing would happen until we got mated/married, but at this rate, I might not hold out. It is so much harder to resist now that we've gotten so close to each other, and especially after those years of separation. I can't make it past another month. I just pray my hormones don't get all out of whack during that time of the month again. If it does, I'm screwed.

When I arrived at my little "study" area, Teach was lining up rulers to be used.

"You are early." She noted.

"I'm sorry, but some things came up that forced me to be here earlier than usual." I explained.

Once my explanation was done, she immediately smacked my arm with a ruler.

"What have I told you about contracting your words?"

I sighed. "'Contractions are only for heathens, and should never be used by a lady outside of her quarters.'"

She hit me again. "That was for knowing the rule, yet not following it."

"Please lighten up a little. My lessons have not started."

"You are to apply your lessons to daily life. If you cannot even do so before your teacher, you need to be disciplined even more heavily." She replied.

"What you say makes sense, but must you hit me for every mistake I make?" I asked her.

"You are still a child in my eyes. The only way to force children to remember rules of conduct is to engrain the rules into their very being though the system of rewards and chastisement."

"This is going to be a bad day..."


	9. Huh?

By the time I finished those stupid lessons, I was sorer than I would have been because of training. What Teach calls "chastisement" with those rulers, I call "domestic abuse." I tend not to understand things until trying them several times, so that also means that I get "chastised" several times I learn something new, or add onto something I have already learned. At this rate, I'm more likely to die by Teach's hands than by all of Sesshomaru's enemies. When I finished my last class, it was late afternoon, and my body desperately cried out for a relaxing, hot, bath.

As I made my way toward my personal bath house I overheard two guards talking. I planned on just walking by, but when I actually listened to their conversation, something in my gut told me to stop and listen. Deciding to go with my gut, and hid around the corner.

"It is hard to believe that it is approaching so quickly." The first one said.

"The first half of the process has already been completed. Lord Sesshomaru will be able to breeze through the rest of the process seeing that my Lady's family has seemingly already consented."

"It seems as though it was only yesterday that she arrived in the manor."

"I agree. It is hard to believe that by the first crescent moon of the new cycle, she will be the new Lady of the West."

"Lord Sesshomaru wasted no time with this mating. He must truly hold her dearly."

"The entire kingdom will be reveling."

"The town starts their decorating in two days' time, correct?"

"Indeed. Lord Sesshomaru took our Lady there the previous day, as customs demands."

"Then we wait on the moon."

I didn't notice that the voices were getting closer until the two guards turned the corner. I stared at their faces in surprise, as they did the same to me.

"My Lady!" They both exclaimed as they bowed.

"Oh… um…"

I was too flustered to say anything. Instead, I continued to my bath house and started on bathing myself. After washing myself, I remained in the water, thinking about what I had just heard. I would be mated by next month. When was Sesshomaru planning on telling me this? I would have liked to hear it from him, and not some guards. Yesterday's trip was nothing special. I honestly thought Sesshomaru wanted to spend some time with me, not that this new information necessarily changes that, but now it's more of a killing two birds with one stone situation. It's not unique anymore, just a hoop he had to jump through.

I sighed. Even at this point in the process, he's not telling me everything. What else is he hiding? Perhaps he bought all those "presents" for me to embellish the mating day outfit he's already chosen. I shouldn't be so aggravated by this, but how could I be happy about it? Am I supposed to just shrug my shoulders and go along with it?

**You're making a huge deal out of nothing. [I]**

'Am I, really? It's equivalent to a random guy at work coming up to you and congratulating you on your engagement before your boyfriend proposes.' [Me]

**No, it's not. Sesshomaru already told you that the mating was close. It's not as though you had no idea this was coming. [I]**

'Yes, I knew it was coming, but not this quickly!' [Me]

_Let's calm down. We know it's hard to understand, and that's why it's imperative that we clarify with Sesshomaru. [Myself]_

**Clarify what? He told us TODAY that the mating was soon. [I]**

'Do you know how vague that was?! Soon could be a year from now, like most engagements!' [Me]

**This is feudal Japan! We have no clue on the average engagement is, especially for demons! [I]**

'I'd assume it's a longer process because demons don't get married and don't have children as quickly as humans do.' [Me]

… I guess I would have liked to know this would be my last month as a single lady. I wouldn't have worried this morning either… even after I asked him to be direct with me, he wasn't. There are a lot of things that he has refused to do for me, but that request... I may be able to see around his guises sometimes, but I still worry over those few times I can't, like now.

I got out of the bath and allowed the maids to dress me in a clean kimono. I went back to my room and laid down on the bed. I could still smell Sesshomaru's scent on the sheets, filling my head with all sorts of thoughts. I have no problem with us mating in a month's times, but I still couldn't keep myself from feeling upset? Is there a reason for his lack of communication? The entire reason behind my asking of him to be more direct was because we haven't been communicating as straight forwardly as we used to. He didn't tell me about the "introduction party," as I like to call it, with all the lords of the West, North, and South or his intention behind taking me into town. I don't enjoy finding out all of this information so close to when it takes place. Is there reason why he didn't tell me? I don't exactly enjoy figuring this stuff out from other people, especially after I asked him to tell me about things like this. I don't think I'll tell him that I know about the mating being a month away. I let him find out the way I did. If there's one thing I know about myself, I know I'm a spiteful being.

Right as I made up my mind, Rin jumped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling with me.

"How about we relax for today, maybe we can do something tomorrow." I told her.

She agreed. We were both laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling as we took a moment from our hectic worlds to sit and do nothing, After I took a deep breath, the little girl was up, asking if we had relaxed enough. I'll give her credit for trying. I willed myself up, and followed behind a hyper Rin to where ever her heart desired.

"Hurry Kazumi-san, or else we'll get caught!" Rin shouted softly at me.

I followed her orders and picked up my pace. We were going to one of THOSE places.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked.

"It's a secret." She replied before giggling softly.

Not long after, we arrived at a door that I didn't know existed.

"I don't know what's behind the door, but I do know that a lot of the maids and guards have been going back and forth from here."

"And how do you know that?" I asked her.

She ignored my question, and started to open the door. I decided to show a little more authority. I may enjoy Rin's company, and treat her as a friend and family member, but I don't enjoy being ignored by people younger than me when I ask them a question. Yes, I know she's ignoring me. She's growing up, though I don't want her too, and she understands a lot more than she did three years ago. That also means that she's also learning more ways to respond to situations, not that she didn't know how to ignore people before, and she seems to be using them with me as well now. I kept Rin from opening the door and got her to face me.

"I'll ask again. How do you know about this?" I asked her as I crouched down to her height.

"Well…"

"Rin."

"I may have… taken a break from my lessons…"

"So you were skipping again." I summed up.

Her silence told me that I was right.

"Rin, you are only hurting yourself when you skip classes. Lord Sesshomaru is doing a lot to have you educated, so even though you don't like it, do it for Sesshomaru. Okay?"

"Okay." She said somberly.

"You won't get off so easily if you skip your classes again." I waited for her to nod her head. "Good, now go to bed, I'll be there in a few minutes."

She followed my instructions and went to her room. As for me, my own curiosity was peaked. What was behind the door? Why would maids and guards focus their attention here? I stared at the door before putting my hands on it to open it. It's not as though there's something that can hurt me behind it.

"Kazumi!" I heard Sesshomaru call from a few feet away. I quickly removed my hands and put the behind my back.

"Yes?" I asked.

From simply looking in his eyes, I could tell something was wrong. I backed away from the door, and stared at him as he walked toward me.

"Hey Sesshomaru, what's-"

He grabbed my arms and forced me against a wall. The words flew out of my mind as he nuzzled me aggressively, pecking and biting at my neck. I maintained little space between us as I felt his want for me through his hands.

"Sess-"

He cut me off with a kiss, shoving his tongue into my mouth without my consent. The heat that made its way onto my cheeks was unbearable. Why was he suddenly smothering me? I couldn't help but to be dragged into his passion as my own started to come forth. I have no idea how far it would have gone if two guards on patrol hadn't caught us in the act.

Their intrusion brought me out of my daze and I realized that Sesshomaru's hands reached under my kimono. Out of embarrassment of being caught in the middle of such an act and anger from his sudden encroaching on my personal space, I got him off of me with a huff. To make things worse, I remembered how he was still keeping secrets from me. He expects me to give him what he wants, when he wants it, but he can't tell do me the favor of telling me when I'm getting married? At the same time, the fact that I was so willing to give in to him made me more flustered at myself than anyone else. Do I just lack conviction, or am I just an idiot that doesn't know what her conviction is?

"Baka…" I muttered out of frustration. How could I be so thoughtless?


	10. Personal Thought

How could I be so thoughtless? I did not intend on behaving in such a way toward her, and now she is upset with me, to say the least. Now, not only must I concoct a way to tell her that our mating will be in less than a moon's cycle, but also an apology. She will already be upset with me for taking so long to inform her of the closeness of the mating, but I have pondered on how to tell her for days upon end. She asked me to be direct with her, but doing so has become much more complicated than before. The very thought of it excites me. For years, I have abstained for her, and the time is almost upon us. Seeing her near the room, I could not control myself.

**Does it matter, how she feels? It is obvious that she yearns for it as well.**

'So long as she denies it, as will I.'

**What happened to the Lord of the West that took what he wanted, when he wanted it?**

'…'

**It seems to me that he grew weaker.**

'It is true that I have softened incredibly toward her, but it was inevitable."

**Do not let this hinder you from your role. She is a mere woman. If you allow her to soften you anymore, you will only end as your father did.**

'I will never succumb to such a fate. I will protect what is mine without ever having to sacrifice myself.'

**From hearing those words alone, I know you will come to regret them.**

I ignored the beast that roared within my chest. I needed to find a way to do this properly.

"M-My lord." One of the two that had intruded started.

"What is it?" I asked with little patience.

"Well…"

"Do not waste my time." I growled.

"Lady Kazumi overheard us as we spoke of the ceremony."

I stared at the two that were cowering ever so slightly. The furrow in my brow that came after my interpretation of their words made them quake where they stood. I wanted to end their lives as easily as they allowed my mate to overhear them. Why did I employ such incompetent men? Instead of making my life easier, they only complicate it.


	11. Words Are Hard

It took me a while to get unflustered. Maybe I overreacted? Probably. I'm not good with these types of things. After all, this is my first relationship. Yup, I'm 100% newbie when it comes to this excluding kissing and that stuff. I took my head out of my pillow and sighed.

Sesshomaru wouldn't randomly pounce on me in such an open area, especially when there was a room right next to us. Was it his beast? With the mating less than a month away and after waiting for three years, I can't really blame him and his beast for getting a little excited. I know for a fact that demons have hormones too. And because of that fact, I can't say that I didn't enjoy it… How should I face this? I gave up on holding my body up and allowed my head to fall back onto the pillow. I asked him to be direct with me, but now I can't even be direct with him. Maybe I asked him more than I thought I did. I sighed one more time before calling it a night. I'd just forget about it in the morning. If I didn't forget by tomorrow morning, then I'd pretend that I did. But what if he decided to bring it up in the morning? There would be no avoiding that…I could always pretend to not hear it, but then things would only get more awkward. I guess I would cross that bridge when I get there. It took me a couple of minutes to fall asleep, but once I did, I remembered that I promised to see Rin when she was in bed. After pulling myself out of bed, I went to Rin's room and stayed with her until she was asleep. When that was done, I was ready to just fall on my bed and go to sleep, but of course that wouldn't happen. I opened the door and was met by Sesshomaru's gaze.

I stared back at him, not knowing what to say. I waited for him to say something. He must have something to say to me since he took the time to visit me.

"It has been brought to my attention that you have been told of the mating."

I kept my stare on him, and said nothing.

"Do not believe that I did not plan to tell you. I was only waiting until the appropriate time to inform you of it."

"When exactly would have been the appropriate time?" I asked.

"The appropriate time would have been when I found a proper way to tell you." He said bluntly.

I stared at him for a while before breaking my gaze and contemplating on the words he said. So… he didn't tell me all this time because, he couldn't think of a way to tell me?

"O-oh."

**Don't you feel like an ass. [I]**

_Not now, listen!_ [Myself]

I couldn't look at him as I blushed. He's never said anything like that to me before, has he?

"I am taking my leave." He said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Sesshomaru-!"

I watched him as he faced me again. What was I going to say? I mean… What could I say? There was some serious doubt in my mind less than twenty minutes ago. Did I really deserve to say anything right now?

"…Goodnight…"

I chickened out. I wanted to address the situation completely, but those golden orbs stopped me in my tracks. I stared into his eyes and could see that he had not explained himself completely. The day had been long enough already, and to be honest, I felt like a piece of crap. I told him goodnight and climbed into bed once he left. I would sit with him properly and talk it over tomorrow, I guess.

He hadn't told me about the mating because he didn't know how to. How long had he been thinking of how to break the news to me? And then it was in vain because I overheard the guards… How was I supposed to sleep with that on my mind?

The answer to that question was simple. I didn't sleep, AT ALL. I felt like a mess, and knew that I looked like one too. I didn't even want to look at myself. From the weariness I felt in my eyes, I could tell that I had at least one or two bags under my eyes. I didn't want to look. I don't know how Sesshomaru can go for days without rest. It's probably because he's trained his body to function like that.

I went and washed my face with cold water, managing to get the sleep that decided to show up now out of my mind. I took a deep breath and decided that I would lead by example.

I got dressed with a few minutes to spare before having to go get abused by my "teacher." I decided to roam around the manor to see what I could quickly help with. Though I only received tasks like choosing the flowers to be displayed from the maids, I guess I was helpful, even though it was small. The guards didn't even bother with it. I'm guessing that they were afraid of me hurting myself. Since I'm prone to hurting myself, putting a sharp weapon in my hand must seem like sheer stupidity.

I was on my way to the library when I saw silver in the corner of my eye.

"Umm, Sesshomaru?" I called once he came into sight.

He stopped walking and faced me. Before I could say anything, the words flew out of my head, leaving me to gaze into Sesshomaru's eyes. After staring him down, I managed to speak.

"Have a good day." I muttered before walking off like the idiot I am.

'Have a good day?' That's not what I meant to say at all. After distancing myself enough, I felt like slapping myself. I bitched out. I'm usually able to speak my mind to him, but now I can't. The mating is supposed to bring us together, not apart. Everything is just a mess.

"Kazumi-chan?" I heard Rin call

"Oh, Rin, when did you get here?" I asked with a jaded smile.

She stared at me for a moment before taking my hand and leading me away. I followed curiously, wondering what she wanted to show me. We walked out of the manor and into the garden. After much contemplation, we sat under a sakura tree. It was starting to lose its leaves. Winter would be here soon. Rin put her head in my lap as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I didn't realize how much your hair has grown until now." I told her.

She immediately turned and faced me.

"Is something wrong between you and Lord Sesshomaru?"

I gazed at her as I tried to wrap my head around her question.

"It's just that… both you and Lord Sesshomaru both seem upset and can't speak to each other."

"Rin, why do you think that?"

"Well…"

"Have you been eavesdropping, or were the maids gossiping again?" I sighed as I facepalmed.

"Maybe it was a little bit of both…"

"Rin-"

"Kazumi-san, I'm worried! Do you not like Sesshomaru–sama anymore?"

"Rin-"

"Can't you just like lord Sesshomaru again? You know how nice he is and that he's a wonderful person once you get to know him!"

"Stop thinking that I don't know that… I mean, of course I like Sesshomaru, and I'll never stop liking him."

"Then why do you seem upset with each other?"

"It's just… When you really, really, like someone… it's hard to communicate with each other. It's not that I'm upset with him, I'm more upset with myself."

"Oh."

"You see, when you grow up, things aren't as simple as before." I started as I continued to run my fingers through her hair. "I wish I could just go to him and speak my mind like I usually do, but things aren't as easy this time."

"So you aren't going to leave us again?"

"Of course not! I wouldn't even dream of it unless it was an unintentional nightmare."

"That's a relief."

We sat there for a while before I realized that I was supposed to be at my classes. I tried to leave, but Rin kept me in place.

"I know it's bad to skip, but this is okay." She said. "Sometimes even Kazumi-san needs a break."

"So long as you know that you shouldn't do this." I admitted. I'm sure skipping this one time isn't a big deal. I always sneak around with Rin and not raise an alarm. Why would it change now?

"So, would you say that you love Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked.

"Of course," I said with a smile "and nothing's ever going to stop me from loving him."

"…So when I fall in love-"

"You're a hundred years too young to start thinking about that." I interrupted.

I was not expecting Chi to come into my studying, frantically saying that Kazumi was missing. It did not occur to me that her scent had gone faint along with Rin's. However, knowing Chi, she probably hasn't searched decently. If anything, they are in the garden. I see no problem in going to her myself. She has not spoken her mind to me, and it is beginning to agitate me.

After making my way to the garden, my mate's voice drifted into my ears. She was singing. When was the last time she sang? I went closer to her, but did not reveal myself. She sat under a tree with Rin, singing as she ran her fingers through Rin's hair. I listened to the words that came out in a smooth tone from her lips.

_Will the rain ever stop, I wonder? For a pretty long time now it's been cold.  
Why does the rain choose me? Why does it choose me who has nowhere to escape to?_  
(Rain- Sid)

Rin requested a song, and that was the first one to come into my mind. Oh how I love Sid. I hadn't sung in a while, now that I think about it. My voice wasn't the best, but it was still surprisingly okay.

"Do you want to hear another one?" I asked.

"No. If I hear it too often, then it won't be special."

"You're really something else. " I sighed.

"Kazumi." I heard Sesshomaru call.

I looked over to his direction as Rin sat up.

"Sesshomaru." I replied.

Rin left as quickly as Sesshomaru came.

I looked at the ground before getting rid of the butterflies in my stomach. I patted the ground next to me, and he sat. I put my head on his shoulder and took a deep breath.

"Is there anything else I should know before the mating?"

"There is a test that you must complete."

"What is it this time?"

"It is a competition between you and other demonesses."

After he explained the rules, I realized that it was basically a complicated game of tag. Sesshomaru will be the seeker trying to catch all of the demonesses. The one that lasts the longest after being spotted by him wins. Of course I told him to go all out, even against me. If I'm going to win, I'm going to win with him actually trying. It's basically me validating that I' the best choice for Sesshomaru, and that validation would be 100% unbiased.

"Well, I'm glad you let me know now." I said as I proceeded to stand up.

He looked at me as I patted the small amounts of dirt off of my kimono.

"I hate to be a bad role model for Rin, but I'll have to skip my lessons for a while."

"What is it you plan to do?"

"I won't stand a chance if I don't start getting ready for it now, especially since you're not going to hold back."

He looked at me inquisitively.

"This will be one of the only chances I will get to shut those demonesses up. I don't want it to be rigged because that's what they're going to expect. Plus, I don't believe in cheating anyway."

I gave him a kiss on the forehead before leaving him. I had a lot of thinking to do. There would be a lot of scenarios to plan out, and a lot of things can and will go wrong, knowing my luck. And knowing Sesshomaru, it won't be easy. This will be the first time I've actually planned things out instead of winging it. But hey, there's a first time for everything, right?

I started to look forward to seeing what she will come up with. She always spoke of how she was intelligent but simply chose not to act it. How would my mate react to those that desperately wanted her position?

**A/N: Sorry for such a late update. Stupid school takes up almost my entire life now. Hope you guys enjoyed the larger update. I'll try to get more chapters out in March. Ja mata ne (See you later)! P.S: I'm trying to teach myself Japanese, so let's see how that works out (it probably won't). Tell me if you liked the chapters or what you would like to see, and I will most certainly take it into consideration!  
(Insert disclaimer for song used here if it's necessary. IDK, legal stuff :P)**


	12. Confrontation

After a week of practice and planning, the gauntlet had come. Just from looking at my competitors' faces, I could tell that they were "upset" with me. I imagine that majority of them are cursing me in their heads. I could see their scorn toward me written clearly on their faces, but they wouldn't dare act on it, not until the competition starts. I'm not going to try to anger them since having angry demonesses chase me around isn't what I want. But of course, that's inevitable. I often think that they forget that I am a demoness as well. I forget I am all the time. I'm not a high-ranked, or noble demoness, but I've endured training by Sesshomaru's best. That has to count for something, right?

After walking into a dense forest with the other demonesses, we waited in a clearing until told that it was time to disperse, and the test would begin not long after. The first thing I did was find a river. Some of the others wandered in groups, some strayed deep into the forest, others basically ran toward Sesshomaru. The ones that ran toward Sesshomaru probably expected him to come straight after me, seeing them, skipping them, and thus having an advantage over others. Seeing that it's not uncommon for the "chaser's" beast to come out during this "test," it was a good idea. The thing is, Sesshomaru won't lose himself to his beast. He has a good hold on it. That plan is bound to fail, unless their plan was to lose because they don't want to mate Sesshomaru.

The demonesses going farthest away might plan on Sesshomaru using all of his energy catching those closest to him, and thus making their lives easier. However, Sesshomaru can pace himself to catch everyone with ease. Or maybe they planned on running away from their families and obligations during this time.

The ones wandering in groups, they could be sticking together so when Sesshomaru does find them, they can split up. Sesshomaru can only catch so many at a time, so at least one of the group has the chance of getting away.

The group of girls that was following me probably wanted to pick a fight. It's not against the rules or anything; it's just highly advised against. Considering the fact that Sesshomaru kind of likes me, not to boast, makes the idea of attacking me much more stupid. Then again, this is the only time act violently toward me without reparation. I'll let them have it, but I'm not going to go down without a fight. I kept walking beside the river until my suspicion on the group behind me was confirmed. I found myself sidestepping one of their poisonous whips sooner than I thought I would.

"I knew it would happen eventually, but not at the get go." I said as I evaded another whip.

There were four of them total. One with short deep blue hair and sea green eyes, another with medium length curly red-orange hair and smoky gray eyes, one more with short hair that was whitish-gray and copper eyes, and finally, one with long black hair and orange eyes. They were all pretty, and all had some sort of marking like Sesshomaru, but were missing one or the other. For example, instead of having two stripes on each cheek and a symbol on the middle of their forehead, one would have one stripe on each cheek and nothing else. From that, I deducted that they were removed relatives of royalty.

"Who are you to have Lord Sesshomaru's favor?!" The one with short red-orange hair asked me.

"Well, I guess we've known each other for some time now... and then there's the fact that I'm part of a disappearing race." I replied as I dodged another whip.

"Do not tell me that you are just another sob story!" green eyes exclaimed.

"No, I'm not."

"Then I will assume that there is nothing else that is special about you."

"Well, I'm not pampered demoness that gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants."

"Watch your tongue, commoner." The raven hissed.

"I am no more common than you." I replied.

"That comes from the one without a single mark on her face." The red head mocked.

"The marks on my face don't matter, the one on my neck does. As you four show perfectly, the want for the markings on your faces is insignificant compared to your wishes to bear the one Sesshomaru gave to me."

"You whore!" the gray haired girl shouted at me.

"Whore? How did you come to that conclusion? Not that it matters. If Sesshomaru only wanted my body, he would have taken it long before now."

"You say that as though he has never bedded a woman." Green eyes commented.

"Everybody makes mistakes, simply ask your parents about your births."

That was when they lost their cool. They all attacked me at once. Now that wasn't very nice of them. As they attacked, I weaved my way back to the forest. Once we were deep enough, I used my claws to take down trees in a single swipe, separating the four and keeping them from attacking together. The red head was much more bark than bite, same with green eyes. The raven and white hair were different cases. They got out the trees out of the way and attacked me in succession.

I waited until one of them messed up, and took the opportunity to attack. After leg sweeping the raven and flipping the white haired one into a tree, I realized that almost all of the other competitors were out, and Sesshomaru was making his way toward us, rapidly. I jumped into a tree and looked in the direction Sesshomaru was coming from. When I looked back at the girls that had attacked me, they were all staring up at me with so much hate in their eyes. I had to choke back my laugh.

"I'm sorry to have to stop your venting session, but I don't want to lose this."

As they barked at me, I started running again. Though things didn't start as planned, I would have to make do with it. At least they would prove to be a decent distraction for a moment. Hopefully, I could pull things back together and get the end result I wanted. The way things are going now, the slightest screw up could be the end of all of this. If those demonesses are as smart as I'm giving them credit for, they're going to come straight after me with Sesshomaru not too far behind. I needed to cover the distance between us and the demonesses at the farthest edge of the forest. My plan right now was to put as many different people in the equation as possible, simply because it would buy me more time to think out the rest of a plan.

I know I said I would plan things out, but I didn't really plan past the get to water part. I actually don't know where I was going to go with that, maybe I wanted some nice scenery. I tried to plan things out, I really did, but it just didn't work out. Well, I don't think I'll need that much planning outside of keeping Sesshomaru from pouncing on me. That's what I spent most of my time on. I can only pray that that's all I'll need.

As I closed the gap between the resuming players, I noticed that they were being picked off one by one. I stopped in my tracks and focused behind me. Only two were following me. Why were the demonesses in front of me being picked off? Wasn't Sesshomaru behind me? What was he trying to do? Was he trying to trap me? I didn't know whether to look forward or behind. The remaining two of the group that I encountered before eventually caught up as I thought desperately on what to do.

"Look at the lost rat." the red hair snarled.

"I am no rat, I am a dog." I replied.

"Oh, how I hate you." Green eyes informed me.

"Do you two not have anything better to do than to try to offend me?" I asked as I started to come up with ways of keeping myself from getting caught before the two in front of me.

"Ha! You are not worth our insults!" Red hair laughed.

"I am not worth them, yet you continue in your attempts to insult me. I see no sense in your logic. Perhaps you can speak to me again once you have completely thought out what you wish to say."

"Why will you not shut up?"

I looked at her, confused. "Were you not the ones who approached me?"

"I have had enough of you!" She yelled as she lunged at me.

I planned to only jump over her, but my instinct told me better. Beast immediately took hold of me and got me as far away from the girl as she could. Not soon after she lunged at me, Sesshomaru pounced on her, sending her to the ground.


	13. Beastly Conversations

I watched along with Beast as Sesshomaru stood and stared at me; there was something off about him. Beast watched carefully as Sesshomaru moved toward the remaining demoness. Beast carefully started to step back. Sesshomaru instantly noticed and stared at us, unwilling to let me go. We were at a standstill. Beast watched patiently as we both tried to conjure a plan. Out running him wasn't an option. After staring each other down, it was the slight movement of Sesshomaru's feet that started the panic. Beast made a mad dash farther into the woods as Sesshomaru was forced to make a decision. We didn't get very far before we were met by an obstacle. We just so happened to run into an inconveniently placed cliff, and God knows I wasn't about to jump off of it. I still remember the pain from doing that before. I wasn't going to go through that again. There is nothing that can convince me to jump off of that, whether Beast knows what she is doing or not, I refuse to. Never again, and I'm serious when I say that. We turned around in time to meet Sesshomaru's completely red eyes. I guess that my guess that he wouldn't go feral was wrong.

"**You have run from me for quite some time, Mate."** his beast said in a coarse, deep, voice.

"**Is that not the point of this?"** My own beast relied.

"**I knew the air around you was different."**

"**Did you expect me to leave her with you?"**

"**You have done nothing but lead her into a corner."**

"**Do not assume that I have nothing else planned."**

"**Do you plan to run more?"**

"…"

"**It is obvious, how much you fear me."**

"**Fear is not the word. You dare not harm me."**

"**I cannot wait until the day that I extinguish your ferocity, and leave you as a submitting soul."**

"…"

"**Speechless again, I see."**

"**You plan on breaking me?" **she asked.

"**I would settle for no less."**

"**So, it is not only Kazumi that Sesshomaru has fallen for."**

"**This has nothing to do with those two."**

Beast dropped her defenses and stared the man down.

"**Really? Is that how you imagine it? You do realize that those two are our connection to each other?"**

"**I am no fool."**

"**I have no idea as to how Kazumi loves a man such as you, an egocentric and possessive man indeed."**

"**Your words wound me."**

"**If only they would deter you completely."**

"**Why play hard to get?"**

"**I do not 'play hard to get.' I simply abhor people like you."**

"**You know that isn't true. If we conflicted, Kazumi and Sesshomaru would despise each other. You know that your nature is to adore me."**

I turned my back to him. Kazumi was no longer paying attention. Her attention span is shorter than a toddler's.

"**Why not drop the act?"** Sesshomaru's beast persisted.

"**There is no act to be dropped."**

"**You are arousing."**

"**You are irritating."**

"**Irritating, or intoxicating?"**

"**You are very arrogant as well."**

"**Arrogant is not the word I would use. I believe self-aware is more fitting."**

"**I do not see anything inebriating in you."**

"**You know that is a lie. It is obvious that you enjoy being dominated as much as I enjoy hunting and dominating." **He said as he started to circle around me.

"**You know nothing about me."**

"**Do I?"** He asked with a cynical grin. **"You tremble at my proximity, yet not from fear."**

"…"

"**You wish to be dominated by solely me, and I wish to dominate you alone. Are we not complementary?"**

"**No."**

"**Then you will not let the hunt end."**

"**Show me how much you believe in what you have said."**

"**I am pleased to see that you won't go down without a fight. If you did, this entire charade would have been pointless."**

"**You noble-born tend to lean toward circuitous methods. If you wanted to subdue me, you should have insisted on a battle."**

"**I would have preferred the more straightforward option, but there will always be those who oppose anything that is simple."**

"**I did wonder why a game like this would exist, seeing that the one the hunter favors would always have the advantage. That being if the hunter's beast is smart enough to see that."**

"**Aristocrats tend to do whatever to have a chance of getting what they want."** He said as he drew even closer, itching to lay his hands on me.

"**I would assume that you are no different."** I said as I started to toy with him.

"**Then you know that you have no escape from me."**

"**Escape? I never thought of it. With the path we are on now, the option of escape was taken from me long ago. Simply because we are tied together does not me I have an obligation to you."**

"**Ah, then you wait for me to give you an obligation to me."**

"**I did not know contorting other's words was a skill you had. Either way, believe what you will."**

"**One would think that you and Kazumi are nothing alike."**

"**Are you here to talk?"**

"**Then I will give you the fight you want."**


	14. Did I Miss Something Important?

'Got any sixes?' [Me]

**Go fish [I]**

'You're a liar! You just got two sixes from Myself!'[Me]

**Oh, I did. [I]**

''Go fish' my ass.' [Me]

_It was a mistake. Give her a break.[Myself]_

_**Shouldn't you be listening to the conversation? Beast is saying some pretty important stuff! [Conscience] **_

'Shut up Conscience!' [Me]

_Got any threes? [Myself]_

'Damn it! You know what, I don't want to play this anymore. Want to play B.S?' [Me]

**B.S is my game! [I]**

_As though it's my last name! [Myself]_

'No, it's not lame.' [Me]

_**Walking down the street with nothing to eat! [Conscience]**_

...

'I should go listen to the conversation.' [Me]

**No, don't walk away! [I]**

_We want you to stay! [Myself]_

'… So we can play?' [Me]

_**And maybe commit a crime! [Conscience]**_

**Why won't you rhyme? [I]**

_You're making me as sour as a lime. [Myself]_

'We're doing this to pass the time.' [Me]

_**Because you don't leave any rhymes for me. [Conscience]**_

**Well that's your fault, sweetie. [I]**

_Wait, who's he? [Myself]_

'I invited him to have a cup of tea.' [Me]

_**Guys hear my plea! [Conscience]**_

**There we go, keepin' the flow. [I]**

_Lookin' like we're keepin it low. [Myself]_

'Look at the sky, it's starting to snow.' [Me]

_**Look over there, it's Link killin' a poe, and taking its soe. [Conscience]**_

**You meant to say soul, but you had to make it fit. [I]**

_Or else we'd go on and have a fit. [Myself]_

'Stop, stop, stop. You can't rhyme a word with the same word.' [Me]

_The contexts are different though. [Myself]_

'No. This is my mind, and right now, we're going with the laws of English.' [Me]

**Weren't we going to play B.S? What happened to that? [I]**

_Yeah, let's drop the subject. [Myself]_

'**I am sorry to interrupt, but the game is done.' [Beast]**

'Hey! Beast! Did we win?' [Me]

…**Beast? [I]**

_Are you blushing? [Myself]_

When I came to, I was staring straight into Sesshomaru's still feral eyes. He was holding me down with a tighter than necessary grip, and had a slightly confused look in his eyes.

"**Did I scare her away?"**

"Uh… yes?"

"**She complains about how long this takes, but then prolongs it."**

"I see, she's playing hard to get."

He stared at me for a second.

"**Are you not scared?"**

"Of course I am." I clarified.

"**Such a cute little thing." **He said as his fingers caressed my cheek. **"If Sesshomaru doesn't hurry up and make you his, I will do it for him.**

It was then that the red faded from Sesshomaru's eyes, and the normal, captivating gold came back. I felt my skin crawl and my goose bumps finally settle. Speaking to Sesshomaru's beast like that was unsettling; especially in such close proximity to each other. After getting off of the ground, I was ready to go home. The entire thing had been somewhat anticlimactic, and ended like it was nothing.

"I'm going to guess that I won." I said as I patted myself off.

I looked at Sesshomaru for a reply, but he wasn't looking at me. I went over to him and tried to get his attention, but he looked in the opposite direction every time.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"…Did you not understand our beasts' conversation?"

"…Well…"

"Are you truly that innocent?" he asked as he faced me.

"Um…" I started. "I... was supposed to listen?"

There was a moment of silence.

"When was it that you stopped listening?" Sesshomaru asked, rather calmly.

"They were talking about conflicting natures… I think."

"During the first or second conversation?"

"There was a second conversation?"

There was another moment of silence before Sesshomaru turned around and started walking away. I followed at a distance. Was the conversation unintentionally important? I'll admit that my attention span isn't up to par, but I pay attention majority of the time. This was the first in-depth conversation I've had with myself since I got back here. Plus, I'm not perfect, so my mistake is completely understandable… Conscience won't let this one go though, the bitch. It's her fault. If she didn't join the rhyming train, it would have gotten boring and I would have left much earlier… I should have just said I was innocent minded. I could have avoided this… Now that I think about it, what did Sesshomaru's beast say that made Beast blush like that? I didn't even think she could show any emotion other than irritation, anger, and satisfaction.

I stopped walking and stared at Sesshomaru's back. Our beasts' reflect ourselves in our rawest form, right?

"Sesshomaru, what was it that your beast said to mine?" I asked aloud as I caught up to him.

He looked at me before saying, "This Sesshomaru will not say."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

He stopped walking and faced me. In one motion, he had one arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. He brought his mouth down to my ear, and began to whisper.

"This Sesshomaru will only act out what his beast has said. Seeing that this Sesshomaru's words caused your beast to flee, I believe you want to experience the action. **Ask your own beast.**"

He let go of me and continued to walk as my body froze up. Did his beast slip out at the end of that?


	15. Rin's Secret

I woke up the next morning, not really knowing what to do. My lessons were canceled. Apparently, Teach's daughter had a son. She said something about bad luck coming if she didn't go and see the newborn. I didn't even know Teach had a daughter. Honestly, She looks no older than a thirty, but then again, marriage or mating, whatever you want to call it, is much different here. I mean, I'm going to be mated in less than a month. Sesshomaru and I just kind of skipped over dating… I never thought Mom would be right when she said I'll date after I'm married. Anyway, that basically cleared my schedule for the day. After staying in bed for around an hour, I finally got out of bed.

I eventually headed to the kitchen, deciding to make something sweet. After fussing with the head cook, and winning the argument, I started baking. Unfortunately, there wasn't a store I could run by to buy chocolate, so I made do with what I had. After putting a motely of ingredients together and about twenty minutes of waiting, the end result was shortbread cookies. It smelled good, but it was the taste test that would decide if the effort was a waste. I gave some to all of the cooking staff, since I made a lot more than I thought I would, and we all tried it together. After a moment, rainbows and sparkles could be seen everywhere. Unless the shortbread made us all high, I had somehow managed to beat the odds and made something good. After transferring the baked good to a serving dish, I went to Rin's room. Her lessons don't start until noon, giving us enough time to enjoy the snack with some tea.

"Kazumi-san, did you really make these?" Rin asked after eating some.

"Surprisingly, I did."

"…"

"Is something wrong, Rin?"

"Kazumi-san, how do you know that you're in love?"

I stared at her for a moment.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well…"

"Do you think you're in love?"

"I don't know."

I sighed as I walked over to her side. I sat next to her, and laid her head down on my lap. I started to stroke her hair as I thought up my words carefully.

"I knew you were acting strangely distant, but I didn't think that this was the cause of it." I admitted. "Would you care to explain the situation to me?"

She nodded.

I looked at the door, and scanned the area. There wasn't anyone around.

"Go ahead."

"While Sesshomaru-sama and Kazumi-san were away yesterday, Rin was playing." She started. "Rin has been playing with a boy around her age for some time now…"

"How old?"

"…"

"You have to tell me everything."

"Fifteen."

"Rin, you're only eleven."

"But Lord Sesshomaru is much older than you, Kazumi-san!"

I felt as though an arrow had planted itself in the back of my head. I already had this talk with Kagome and her friends. I wasn't going to relive that moment. "Continue."

"Rin has enjoyed playing with the boy, but yesterday, he said that he had to leave for a long time. Now Rin's heart hurts."

"What did he say before he left?"

"Well, Rin had started crying by then so he said that he would come back and find Rin one day, and that Rin should wait for him."

That's definitely something from a romance story, but, could I say that it was love? It's harder to see the difference between friendly love, and romance love in kids. Heck, I have trouble seeing it in adults because I'm extremely dense when it comes to these things. I'm sure that this can develop into more than a friendship, but I don't want to set her up for heartbreak…

"Kazumi-san?"

"You're right to be confused by this." I told her.

"Is it love?"

"… Why were you crying when Bunny-chan said he was leaving?"

"Bunny-chan?"

"It's safest to use that name for him, that way no one will know what we're talking about."

"Oh, okay."

"Now, why were you crying?"

"Well…"

She took a brief moment to think about her answer.

"I think it was because I wasn't going to see him in a long time, if ever again."

"See Bunny-chan, or play with Bunny-chan?" I asked for clarification.

"See Bunny-chan." She answered without hesitation. "Maybe?"

"And what did you and Bunny-chan do?" I asked.

"… Bunny-chan took me into town sometimes, and gave me lots of things."

"Can you show them to me?"

Rin nodded before looking outside of the door. She then closed the door and went under the table. She brought out a sealed box from a secret compartment under the mats. After taking off the lid, she showed me the box. There were all sorts of toys and accessories in there, some I wondered how a fifteen year old could afford to buy. Rin quickly closed the box again and hid it. She had taken measures to make sure demons couldn't find it. I couldn't pick up on it, even when it was open. How many seals did she have to keep things hidden from us?

"Well, Kazumi-san, is it love?"

"This is the last question. Did he give you anything to remember him by?"

Rin remained silent. This would be my trump card, I waited for Rin to make some sort of movement, but she seemed to be very distressed.

"Rin, you must answer."

She grimly nodded her head before making her moves. My eyes widened slightly as she made her way to her closet. After hearing her shift through several things, she came back, clenching onto something. She opened her hand and showed me the two gems she was holding onto. This was Skip Beat all over again. I took the rock that looked like a fused peal and diamond and stared it down. If this boy didn't love her, I would punch him in the face for giving her all the wrong signals. From the way Rin squirmed, and was flushing, I could tell that some sort of emotion was developing in her. She was hiding things from me AND Sesshomaru, and this wasn't a petty thing. I was pretty sure that the boy, at least, liked her, but this only made me more certain. Whoever this person was, they had access to wealth, and had been smitten by Rin. Sesshomaru wasn't going to like this at all. I quickly gave the gems back to Rin to hide, and placed her back in my lap.

"You promise not to tell, right?"

"This is a secret between girls." I said as I pinky promised.

"So, is it love?"

"I can't say," I lied, "you're both too young to understand it."

"So… it's not?"

"It can certainly develop into something more, but you will have to wait and see if Bunny-chan keeps his promise." I explained. "You must never forget Bunny'chan's face, what he has said, or what he has given and done for you. You must treasure it, only then can we find out."

Rin nodded her head in understanding, and we both went back to eating and drinking tea. Not so long after, Rin had to go to her lessons. I cleared our plates, and took them to a maid to be cleaned. I took the remaining five pieces shortbread cookies to Sesshomaru.

When I entered his study, he was analyzing some documents. I poured him some tea, and placed the cookies in front of him. He looked at my efforts before ignoring them completely. I rolled my eyes.

"If you didn't want it, you should have told me while I was putting it down." I complained as I reached to take back my gesture of kindness.

"Leave it." He told me.

I did as he said, and waited on him to make a move, but he didn't. I sighed before taking one more cookie.

"You're lucky I really like sweet things. If I didn't, this wouldn't be enough to satiate my desire to throw something at you." I said as I walked out the door.

"I would think you have had more than enough for today. Anymore, and you might not fit into your kimonos." He said.

I really wanted to throw the cookie at him, I really did. Instead, I took a bite out of it and started to open the door.

"When I say something like that, I get thrown at a wall. You are VERY lucky that I'm not ill-tempered."

"I am speaking of your weight, not your temper."

I turned around and chucked the cookie at him. "You irritate me." I said through clenched teeth as he easily caught the cookie.

"Irritate, or intoxicate?"

I growled at him before shutting the door. He could have at least said thank you! But no! He has to go and talk about my weight! I don't even weigh that much! My body shape is entirely different from before!

As I stormed away, I realized that his goal wasn't to insult me… It was to get the cookie back. I would have gone back to give him a piece of my mind, but I had nothing to say. The entire conflict had been made in effort to fix the smaller problem he created with his silence… So in the end, we were technically fighting over a cookie

…

WHY DIDN'T HE JUST SAY HE WANTED THE DAMN COOKIE?! He didn't have to do all of that! Really… I hope he didn't just want that cookie. I hope there was some other ulterior motive to that. Simply thinking about it made me laugh. In my life, I've gone from hating him when I first started watching InuYasha, the anime, to liking him, to being his fangirl, to legitimately loving him. How the hell has he done this to me?

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**A/N: I finally updated! Yay! Sorry for taking so long. I didn't know where I was going with this for the longest, then I lost my flash drive, then I got sick… but that's still no excuse! I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks again for the support and love. I'd love some feedback, I mean, you don't have to or anything, but I love reading reviews, good or bad, because in the end, they're there to tell me what I need to improve, or keep doing. Hope you all have a good day/night/afternoon! (P.S: I finally found out how to put the little line! :D)**


	16. Mated

**A/N: Hiya! Sorry for the delay ****. I have finals in two weeks, so I more than likely won't update until June, but I'll see what I can do. Oh, and you know how this story is rated M? Well… this chapter is why. So, this is my heads up. Hope you enjoy!**

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I finished my prayer as I heard a maid open the door.

"Kazumi-san, it is time."

I nodded my head and carefully got up to follow the maid. Who would have thought that the month would run by so quick? It seemed like Sesshomaru told me about the mating yesterday. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, and my hands shaking from excitement and anxiety. Today was the day. The maids spent the entire day getting me ready for tonight, bathing me carefully, brushing my honey blond and brown hair out finely before placing it in an updo, and stuffing it with ornate accessories. My kimono was made of extremely fine white silk with a large, indigo crescent moon trailing down the back. My mating mark seemed to glow in the lighting as I tried to calm myself down. For so long, I… we have waited for this day, and it was finally here. After so many complications, we finally made it. It was almost unreal. I am going to be Sesshomaru's wife after this. I always dreamed about it, but now it was coming true.

I had to keep reminding myself to breathe as I waited. Soon enough, the groom showed up, causing me to gasp slightly. His beauty was breathtaking, and I had known this long before tonight, but everything about him seemed to be amplified. His silverish white hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. His bangs remained as he usually wore them, and two parts of his hair, one each side of his face, remained in front of his ears, fitting his face perfectly. He wore a completely indigo kimono that had a white crescent moon running from his right shoulder to his chest, stopping above his white obi. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he stood next to me.

"You are nervous." He said.

"Yeah…" I replied as I finally managed to turn my eyes away from him.

There was an awkward moment of silence as I waited on him to start our entrance. After a few minutes, I looked at him again. I wasn't expecting him to be staring at me so intently. It made me uncomfortable. He then reached out and held my hand and pulled me closer to him. He nuzzled my neck, making me wonder what he was doing. Soon enough, I felt his fangs pierce into my neck. I winced and tried to push him away, but he held onto me tightly as he removed the blood he has drawn. After doing so, he let go of me, and I held my neck.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Any man who dares approach you will see that you belong to me, whether he approaches from left or right."

"You're too much…"

"It is a precaution I must take. Scum tends to be attracted to beauty such as yours."

I blushed as I turned away.

"Shall we start?"

Part of me felt as though I wasn't ready, but I knew that there was no turning back. I've been ready since the day I came back, and I won't let anything or anyone, not even myself, and convince me otherwise. I was determined to do this.

"You have been under my protection this entire time, but tonight, I will make you mine. You will become an extension of me, and none will be able to question it." he told me as he took my hand.

I said nothing as the doors opened. We entered the room filled with lords and ladies. Tonight, I would become the Lady of the Western Lands.

I followed Sesshomaru's lead, like I had been taught, speaking after him or when addressed, offering a welcome when all were seated, giving Sesshomaru his first drink, it all went well. I couldn't be happier. I had managed to get the formal parts done correctly, and could now enjoy myself. I had a glass of wine myself, and took in all the decorations and guests. Everyone was joyful, or at least pretended to be. There were no interruptions as my mating to Sesshomaru was solidified formally. We then went into the town. Everything was beautiful. Paper lanterns lit up the streets, and everyone wore vibrant clothing. Children were running around as their parents enjoyed the night. When they spotted Sesshomaru and I, they cheered as their faces showed nothing but pure bliss. It was amazing. When I had heard that a woman had gone into labor and given birth to a healthy baby boy, I actually went to see the newborn and his mother. The father greeted us with upmost respect, but I dismissed it. I was allowed to see the baby, and held him for a while before passing him to Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru stared at the quiet baby that I had forced into his arms. Not long after, the house was filled with crying as I took the baby back and calmed him down before returning him to his mother. It had been a wonderful night, and I couldn't be happier. I couldn't think of a time when I smiled as broadly as I was.

I followed behind Sesshomaru as we went back to the manor. He took me away from the festivities and to the balcony next to his room to see the town from a distance.

"It's all been so wonderful. Could this get any better?" I asked.

Sesshomaru held me from behind, clinging onto me.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Did that single glass make you drunk?"

"No, just slightly intoxicated. Why do you ask?"

"Our passion will be consensual then." he said as he turned me around and pressed his lips against mine.

It was then that I realized why he had taken me here. I pulled away from him, feeling my anxiety come back.

"I-I-I… I'm not ready for this." I said.

"If you are not ready now, you never will be." Sesshomaru said bluntly.

"B-but-"

"Kazumi, I love you." He said as he stared into my eyes. "I want you to be completely mine. I cannot wait any longer."

The way he held me, the way he kissed me… I could tell how much he wanted this, and I knew I wanted this the moment I had that dream while we were looking for Naraku. I got closer to him, deciding to stop contemplating about this. I took his hand and led him back to his bedroom before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Please… be gentle with me." I asked in a soft voice.

We were silent as his hands took off my obi, and made their way through my kimono.I could feel myself slipping away at his touch. It was fine now. I could let go. I held onto Sesshomaru as he helped me onto the bed. I could feel one of his hands wander further down from my waist while the other held onto my chest. I only willed myself to keep breathing as I let him have his way with me. I reacted quickly to his touch, knowing fully well that there would be no stopping this time. I was still nervous, shakily holding onto the covers of Sesshomaru's bed.

"For four years, I have waited for this." Sesshomaru said as he lowered himself to my breast.

I twitched from the heat of his body. I wanted more, everything he was willing to give me. He repeatedly rubbed his leg against me, bringing rapid heat to my face. I could barely say his name. I wanted to speak, I wanted to express myself, but he had me wrapped around his finger. He willed me to stop talking as he slowly began to undress. I couldn't keep calm as I looked at him. I forced myself to avoid his gaze as he got me ready.

"I want… to hear your voice." he whispered in my ear.

His voice sent a shiver down my back, managing to shake my entire body. I allowed him to part my legs, and kept my eyes on the wall. I could feel his tip, prodding me, teasing me. I took his hand tightly as he started to force his way in. I bit my lip, trying to keep silent, but my attempt was futile.

"It hurts…" I cried.

"Of course it does." Sesshomaru whispered in my ear. "I do not want you to ever forget this day. The pain will engrave it in your memory forever."

My hips pushed up as he continued to force his way in. I began to yelp as the pressure in between my hips grew unbelievably. The pain was at its worst when he finally entered. I choked back a scream as Sesshomaru's kiss kept me silent. Tears had formed in my eyes as we sat as one. I had never felt anything like this before. I wanted to stay like this for a bit longer, but Sesshomaru began to push himself in and out.

I cried for him to stop, but he ignored me, going faster, and seeming to melt us together. I pierced my tongue from biting it so hard, only to have Sesshomaru lap it up as though it was a delicacy. My control of my body finally wore out, and moans started to escape my lips.

Sesshomaru continued with me until he had his full. I don't know how many times we switched positions, each one bringing more pleasure than the last. I wanted more, just as he did. The pain was so bitter, that it had become pleasurable, like that of a bruise or when you hit your funny bone on something. I held onto him as sounds came out of my lips, edging him further. It was unforgettable. I could see how people got addicted to it. We finished when it was well into the night. I couldn't tell how much time had passed, but it was definitely at least an hour. My body felt so incredibly sore that I couldn't move, not that I wanted to. Sesshomaru was holding our nude bodies together, holding his face on my neck. I couldn't sleep, though I was tired beyond my own belief. The excitement had finished, and my adrenaline was gone.

"You are my Lady." Sesshomaru said after noticing that I was falling asleep.

"Would I have slept with you otherwise?" I asked him with a weary smile.

He removed his head from my neck and stared at me.

"I have never felt bliss like this."

"…even though you've slept with other women?"

"Never have I clung onto a woman as I cling onto you. I did not intend on going for so long."

"It doesn't matter... It was wonderful."

"Then shall we go again?"

"…Sesshomaru, I love you too, but no."


	17. Clearing Up A Misconception

When I woke up, Sesshomaru was still holding onto me. We had done it last night. I was now officially the Lady of the West, Sesshomaru's wife. I could feel nothing but happiness in my heart. We made it through. I started to separate myself from him in effort to sit up, but Sesshomaru snapped me back to my original position.

"Sesshomaru, you're awake, aren't you?" I asked after kissing him softly.

He opened his eyes and gazed at me.

"Come on, it's time to get up." I said as somehow managed to sit up, forcing him to let go of me in the process.

"Why are you so eager to rise?" he asked me as he ran his hand through the ends of my hair.

"Last night was my first time… the sheets must be dirty."

"Then shall we bathe as the maids replace them?" he asked as he sat up and took my hand. He continued to run his other hand through my hair as he brought me closer to him.

"Se-Sesshomaru…"

"Why do you blush so deeply?"

"… I don't need your help to bathe."

He let go of my hand and instead ran it down my body.

"If anything, I would hinder you."

I pushed him away slightly.

"Stop it."

He gave me no verbal reply. Instead, he took my wrist and laid me against the bed again. He gazed at me before kissing me again, at first innocently before lusting for more. I blushed as I lightly pushed him away. I wanted to touch him and to have him touch me, but I already felt dirty from last night. I don't want to do it again so quickly. Though I couldn't feel it at the moment, I knew that my body ached from last night, and he knew it too. He released me, but warned that he would not oblige me next time. I chuckled at his warning. He wouldn't do anything if I didn't want it, but we both knew that he didn't have to worry about that.

After taking a bath and wiping away the remnants of last night's activities, I felt refreshed. It was nice to be clean again. After drying myself and getting dressed, I left Sesshomaru's room. The moment I stepped out, I could hear the giggles of maids down the halls and around the corners. It was embarrassing. I mean, we're all adults here; the maids could at least try to act their age. Sex is a part of mating. Either way, my sexual life is none of their business.

"Kazumi-san!" I heard Rin yell from down the hall as she ran toward me.

The twelve year old girl jumped into my arms with the broadest smile I had ever seen on her face.

"Is it true? Are you and Lord Sesshomaru married?" She asked me.

"Yes, it is true." I beamed.

I giggled as she squealed out of pure delight.

"Will I be able to see your children?"

"That's quite some time from now, Rin."

"But Kazumi-san, I want to see them before I grow up!"

"Rin…"

"Pretty, pretty please?"

"Please indeed, I do not want to be too old before I have grandchildren." I heard from behind me.

The voice seemed to embody regality itself, a voice I would not soon forget. "Lady InuKimi," I said as I turned to face her, "oh, or would you prefer me to call you 'Mother' now." I corrected.

"It does not matter the name you address me by. I still cannot believe Sesshomaru managed to catch you."

"Please, you do not have to flatter me."

"As the new Lady of the Western Lands, you have the right to be flattered."

"Rin, go get dressed in your room. I'll talk to you later." I told the growing girl. I watched the girl skip back to her room before walking with my new mother-in-law.

"The child is right. You must produce children before we grow too old."

"I cannot expect to have a child for years. Is that not what you said?" I asked as we made our way outside.

"Did I say such a thing?" InuKimi asked as she faced me.

"Yes. My Lady, you explained that I cannot produce children until a hundred years have passed." I explained as we made our way to the gardens.

"Ah my dear, that was only an example based off myself. With the breed of dog you are, you are much more fertile than I could ever hope to be. Perhaps, instead of bearing a pup, you will bear a litter."

I stopped walking and stared at the extravagantly dressed woman as I understood what she had said.

"I know many demonesses who would give anything to be able to produce pups as easily as you will."

"And how do you know this?" I asked, slightly disturbed by her uncanny knowledge on the subject

"A mother's nose is never wrong, and if I weren't the one to tell you, who else would she use to address the problem?"

"She?"

InuKimi smirked, allowing me to see where Sesshomaru got his devilish charm from. "Oh, I let something slip. There is no need for you to worry about it." She continued to walk, prompting me to follow her. "You will allow me to name at least one of them, correct?"

"I believe we should save that question for a later date."

It was strange, walking through the gardens this time. I expected to see some change, since I am now the Lady of the West, but I guess I should have expected more than a subtle change in atmosphere. Before, I would get a casual, "Good day to you, my lady." or "Blessed to see you this morning, my lady." But now people bow to me as soon as they see me and wait on me to give them permission to speak and act. Some venerated me while others spoke way too highly of me. It was unnerving to say the least. It was as though they now saw me as a miracle sent by divine will. I didn't want to be seen in that type of light. I'm just an extremely lucky girl who's not all that bad at everything she does.

"Why do you act like a pup walking on its own for the first time?"

"I do not enjoy having so much attention focused on me, especially not when it's so…"

"Ah, you were not raised in an upbringing that adored you. I wonder how you will adjust to this life."

"It will take some time, and a lot of rearranging, but I hope I will manage."

I looked around the garden, thinking about how much my life has changed. From being a high schooler to the wife of a feudal lord in Japan. If that wasn't a huge leap, I don't know what is. I'm living my fantasy, and I would have to get used to that thought. But, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing. Whether Sesshomaru likes it or not, I'm going to have some type of influence here. I don't know much about the lands or their laws, but I want to contribute something.

"Whatever it is that you are thinking of, it must be entertaining." My mother-in-law commented.

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**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update, even though I'm on summer break. I'm still writing, it's just taking a lot to put all my thoughts together into a cohesive piece of work that's not absolute garbage. I'm also editing my first fanfic, the prequel to this one, because I reread it, and it could use a lot of work. I'm not going to change any of the plot, but I'm going to change how it's presented. As always, thank you all for your support. It really does make my day when I see that you all are enjoying this, and that it's not just a waste of time. **** I hope you enjoy the rest of your day/night and that you all keep being amazing. :)**


	18. Snow and Laws

Before I could ask InuKimi about what she meant by "entertaining," I felt something cold land on my nose. Both of us looked up in time to see the darkened clouds above us before more specks of white began to fall.

"Snow?" I said, allowing my voice to take a confused tone. Was it winter already?

When I looked over to InuKimi, she motioned for me to return with her to the manor. Before she was able to wipe away her facial expression, I noticed the scrunch in her brow and her narrowed eyes. Something was not right, and the shiver that ran down my spine served as clarification of the unsettling feeling. I felt like I was being watched, and it creeped me out. Before I could look around to see what was staring at me, InuKimi took my wrist and led me back to the manor. When we were inside, we soon found out that majority of those who work under Sesshomaru had made their way inside as well. The snow had taken us all by surprise.

InuKimi sighed as she let go of my wrist.

"I really did hope something like this would not happen."

"What's going on?" I asked.

She stared at me, seeming to analyze what was happening before responding.

"I believe it is for you to speak with Sesshomaru about. This does not fall under my jurisdiction."

"It seems to me that you know more about this situation than you are letting on."

She gave me a small smile before turning away from me.

"It is better to let things work out themselves than to state it bluntly. I believe you would prefer to have your thoughts and actions to be unbiased."

"I would prefer to have this dealt with if it is going to be a problem." I said blankly.

"My dear, only experience leads to wisdom." She said as she made her exit.

I watched as the back of her purple and white kimono was blocked by her personal guards. Not soon after her silent departure, I found myself speed-walking toward Sesshomaru's scent. I wanted to know why this snow felt so unnatural to me, and I had a feeling that Sesshomaru had part of the answer to that question. I found him in his study, reading over an ancient looking scroll. I walked over to him and sat down next to him. It took a while, but he eventually looked from the paper to look at me before returning his gaze to the paper.

"Sesshomaru, I have a bad feeling about this snow." I voiced.

"It will pass."

"Sesshomaru…" I started, showing him that I wasn't naïve enough to believe things were as simple as he made it seem. "We're in this together. I won't let you keep all the details to yourself."

I stared at him, refusing to move until he told me what I wanted and needed to know. I watched him carefully as he pulled me closer to him. He ran his hand down my back before holding me at my waist and nuzzling my neck. When I refused to give him the reaction he wanted, I could hear him give an extremely soft sigh as he gave in.

"Many years ago, a pact was made with neighboring youkai demons. The west agreed to allow them to keep their own rule so long as they abided to the basic laws of the Western lands and refrained from creating irregular weather."

"Are they infringing this pact?"

"No, not as of yet. They are allotted twenty days. If the snow is not cleared by then, there will be a problem."

"I'm not getting a good feeling from this snow. I feel like it's watching me."

"Do not think of it. It will pass soon."

"Hopefully." I added.

He gazed at me as I stood up and stretched.

"I really don't know how you can stay in this room for so long." I said with a yawn before giving him a light kiss on the cheek.

At my movement, Sesshomaru let out a soft growl before pulling me back down. I gazed at him, perplexed by his rather tough tug on me. Sesshomaru stole a short kiss from my lips, and waited for my response. I blushed and averted my eyes, but did not push him away. He pulled me closer to him and brought my gaze back onto him before gracing my lips with his own again. I could feel his hands slip into my kimono. I placed myself on his chest, satisfied with simply hearing the beating of his heart. I could sit there with him for the entire day, but I could hear the pitter-patter of Rin's feet as she came closer. I forced myself away from Sesshomaru, longing to be able to stay with him longer.

"I should go, Rin is looking for me." I said a couple of minutes later before removing myself from him.

We were both reluctant to leave our embrace, but Sesshomaru eventually let go of me. Just as I exited Sesshomaru's study, Rin ran into me, instantly catching my hand, and pulling me along behind her. Her excitement was palpable as she eagerly walked toward whatever her destination was.

"Kazumi-san, it's snowing!" the girl explained as she attempted to lead me outside.

"Yes, I know." I replied as I stopped her for continuing any further.

She let go of my hand and went to the nearest window to have a look outside. "Look at it! Everything is so white!"

"Rin, do you plan on playing in it?"

She turned to face me with a concerned face. "Am I not allowed to because I'm too old?"

"It's not because you're too old, Rin… It's just…"

"Kazumi-san, is something wrong?"

"I don't trust this snow; I don't want you running around in it."

"Why don't you trust it?"

"It gives me a bad feeling that I can't explain. It makes me want to be extremely alert."

"Oh, well, if you don't think it's a good idea..."

"Don't look so sad! We can do something else. Being indoors can be just as fun as being outdoors." I told her with a smile.

I followed Rin as she went back to her room. She sat at her table and returned to her studies while I sat on her bed, combing my hair with my nails as she silently read. It was then that it occurred to me. Rin was twelve. I'm nineteen. I'm married at nineteen, and in three more years, someone will come to marry Rin. I instantly cringed at the thought. My little Rin? Getting married? I didn't want to think of it. She was only nine in my eyes. I missed three years of her life. Three years' worth of memories, lost. I'll just have to make up for those lost memories. There's no way I'm going to let Rin leave here until I've engrained more than enough of my wisdom and my love for her in her memory.

"I never really asked, but what are you learning about, Rin?" I asked after staring at the girl for about ten minutes.

"Right now, boring stuff."

"Like what?"

"Politics."

"It can't be that boring."

"Kazumi-san, I'm not an adult like you and Lord Sesshomaru. I prefer to learn about stuff I can find in nature."

"Well, it's good to know about stuff like this too. C'mon, I'll help you out."

I took one look at the book and instantly appreciated the Japanese lessons I had taken during high school. The script was slightly different from the ones I had learned, but they were similar enough for me to understand. After getting Rin to read the illegible to me, I got the gist of what it was saying. Once I did get the gist, I realized that Rin had been right. To be honest, she had labeled it nicely. If I had to describe it, I would say that it was agonizingly difficult to immerse oneself in, making me question if the author **wanted** people to read it, not that I could do any better.

"How about we go to a more interesting section?" I asked as I turned to the front of the book, praying that it had a table of contents. I sighed with relief after stumbling upon the table of contents. "_Minor and major infractions_, that sounds fun."

I turned the pages without getting a complaint from Rin. When I got to the section I was aiming for, it instantly peeked my curiosity.

"If one were to threaten a being under the lord's protection, they are subject to punishments ranging from loss of an appendage to public execution." I read off, slightly raising my eyebrow. "Well that's nice to know."

"Look here." Rin said as she pointed out another passage. "Based on the value of the item that has been stolen, there are three possible penances: replacement of the stolen property, payment as reparation, or servitude, the amount of time to serve depending on how valuable the stolen item was."

We continued to read off what caught our eyes, soaking in the information that intrigued us. I was surprised by what I didn't know. This place definitely wasn't run like the democratic government I was accustomed to, and it scared me slightly. If Sesshomaru or I felt like someone didn't deserve to live, we could have them executed or execute them on the spot. I pray I keep my patience.

Before I knew it, I was the only one reading aloud. Rin had fallen asleep on me. I sighed before closing the book and putting Rin in bed as a maid came in the room with tea. I happily drank it, seeing it as the perfect drink to warm me up a bit. It definitely helped me calm down. I still couldn't shake off the feeling that I was being watched. I even had the instinct to look out windows and doors when I passed them. It was horrible. I sighed again before taking another sip of the tea. I wanted the feeling to be caused by a figment of my imagination, but I knew it wasn't. Something is lurking about, and it's watching, waiting. I know Sesshomaru feels it too; why else would he have taken out that scroll? Whoever's causing this has to be a demon from that neighboring youkai clan, their reason for doing this is still unknown to me though.

I laid my head on the table and sighed again. I was full of sighs today, probably because I didn't even get a day to relax and enjoy being Lady of the West before having something undesirable happen. You'd think people would have the decency to give me peace for a week… Wait, could that be it? Does someone still think I shouldn't be at Sesshomaru's side? No. I'm just trying to make things revolve around me… but, why else would they do it? Why would they chose now of all times to break their agreement? Did they think I would soften Sesshomaru up enough to let it slip by? Why would they take the chance?

I softly banged my head on the table a couple of times, trying to scramble up what I was thinking to make a logical explanation. Nothing I thought of made sense. There were too many risks, and not enough motives for someone to sanely break the treaty. Maybe that was it, the person was insane.

"My Lady, is everything alright?" A maid asked as she came to take my empty tea cup.

"Yes, I am fine." I replied. "I am simply thinking."

"If I may ask, of what are you thinking?"

I was silent as I sat up and looked at the maid. "How often does it snow here?"

"Oh, yes. This is My Lady's first winter here. The longest I have seen it snow here was for around fourteen moons. It is very rare that we see snow that sticks and piles though."

"Two weeks… Is the snow… irregular to you?"

"Other than its early fall this year, I sense nothing wrong with it."

"Thank you." I said as a dismissal.

She didn't sense a bad omen in the air like I do. Could it just be me?


	19. Gone

As the days passed, things started to warm up. However, the snow refused to melt. That didn't go unnoticed. At that point, Sesshomaru started readying up to travel. After day fourteen of snow, the weather turned nasty. The air was bitter with chilling winds that brought in at least another feet of snow along with a thick presence of youkai energy. There was absolutely no denying that this was the work of a demon. Sesshomaru had planned on arriving at the town of snow youkai by the sixteenth day, but since I insisted on coming, it took him another day to "prepare" for me to come as well. I don't really understand why he needed to make more preparations for me to go with him. We traveled together when searching for Naraku, and he didn't prepare then. I don't really understand why he felt the need to get personal guards for me, but I'm not going complain. This was his condition if I was going to go with him. But did he really expect me to just sit around and let him deal with everything? I wasn't going to sit around and wait while farmers' crops died and people suffered. I wasn't going to sit in a castle and be pampered while others are fighting to survive. I can help change things, so I will. I won't let them think that only Sesshomaru worried about the wellbeing of his people, though his actions are more based off of the political aspect of the situation.

We left the manor with Ah-Un and five guards after the little set back and walked for a day without any disruption. We continued our journey early the next morning, expecting to arrive at our destination by late evening. Though we walked in silence for majority of the time, I found it enjoyable. I preferred silence during moments like these. It seemed natural to be silent and listen to the crunching of our feet as we trekked through the snow. I exhaled onto my paling hands as I rubbed them together, trying to warm them up. Even though I love the cold, the weather was extremely frigid. I'd be lying if I said that I was comfortable.

I was slightly surprised when I felt myself being lifted up. Sesshomaru placed me on Ah-Un before taking the dragon's reins. I stared at the back of his head as he continued to lead the group forward.

"I don't have a problem walking." I told him.

He ignored me, so I started talking to the guards who were following about five steps behind us.

"You know, Sesshomaru isn't as cold-hearted as he lets on." I started as Sesshomaru's ear twitched ever so slightly. "Sure, he wanted to kill me when we first met, but he didn't. He might want to kill me now, but he won't."

I could feel the air tense up a bit, but I wasn't going to stop there. I don't like being ignored, and he knew that.

"I still remember the time when he threw me at a wall. Simply thinking about it makes me feel sore, but he still had medical attention given to me."

I could feel Sesshomaru glaring daggers into my back, but I ignored that and smiled at the somewhat unnerved guards I was talking to.

"My Lady…" one of them spoke up, trying to warn me of the death glares Sesshomaru I was receiving.

I didn't let it faze me. "I know, I know. I'm just having a little fun."

I could read the disturbance and confusion in their eyes clearly. How could I find pleasure in angering Sesshomaru, the one who kills others without a moment's hesitation?

"You don't have to look so perplexed. Everyone finds pleasure in different ways." I said as my smile turned into an irritated and revenge seeking smirk. "I just so happen to enjoy annoying a certain daiyokai to ensure that I am not ignored by him."

"Perhaps if your speech was not intolerable prating, this Sesshomaru would not be so quick to ignore his mate."

I felt a vein throb on my head. I didn't need to turn around to know that he had said that with a straight face.

"Did I mention that Sesshomaru's a pervert?"

All eyes were on him as he replied coolly, "I take what I want, when I want it."

"That is obviously not true. I still had my virginity less than a month ago." I said blatantly, not caring about the guards' reaction to my unladylike behavior.

"I was the one to take it, was I not?"

"Four years after your original attempt."

There was silence again as Sesshomaru and I glared at each other. I eventually relented, and refused to look at Sesshomaru as silence returned to the group. This was all because he just had to ignore me. I would have reluctantly accepted a 'no,' but he just had to make things difficult. Then he went and called my speech "intolerable prating!" Intolerable prating, my ass! He shouldn't have said that, and he knows it. Not once did I downright insult him like that, as a matter of fact, I never insulted him.

As we continued in out tensioned silence, the temperature only got colder as we closed in on our destination. It got harder for me to retain my heat, and, unfortunately, Sesshomaru could tell.

He turned to face me and spoke with his eyes. 'You are cold.'

I gave him a short glare before staring past him. My stubbornness refused to answer him. I should have been able to act maturely and get over it, but let's be honest, I'm not mature. At times like these, my immaturity is made much more obvious. Seeming to ignore my stubbornness, I felt his mokomoko wrap itself around me as he drew closer to me. It brought a blush to my face. We just had a spat, yet here I was, relying on him for warmth. My obstinacy wasn't satiated; it was set aside for the moment. I may be tenacious, but I'm not stupid enough to let that tenacity overbear common sense.

I stared straight ahead and watched as snow started to fall again. The serene calm before the storm was almost over, I could feel it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight, warning me of an oncoming onslaught. As we walked further through the snow, it started to fall harder, obscuring our vision as we went deeper into the maelstrom. Moving through the storm became harder for Ah-Un as the snow piled into taller mounds on the earth. It got to a point where traveling in it was impossible.

Sesshomaru ordered that I was taken to a safer place as he looked for a better way around the storm. The best thing we could have done was stay together and sit the storm out, but I didn't want to voice my opinion. It would only be labeled as intolerable prattle in Sesshomaru's brain. The soldiers and I turned around and went back the way we came, backtracking with our footprints. That is, until the snow covered them up. Then we were stuck in the middle of a snowstorm, with no idea of how to get out of it.

"My Lady! This way!" A guard shouted over the violent winds.

Ah-Un started toward the man who was pointing toward a cave, but we were both surprised when I was knocked off of him by a large gust of wind. After regaining my bearings I quickly got up and reached out for the dragon, but not quick enough. Before I could get a solid grip on the leash, I heard a sound no one ever wants to hear. It was the sound of snow crumpling over itself as it hurdles toward its' victim, the sound of an avalanche. I could hear the guards beginning to yell their warnings as I barley had enough time to face the mass of snow, and soon wished I hadn't turned to face the behemoth. I took on the avalanche full force to my chest, feeling a rib break as I let out a short shriek before being silenced and swept away by a blanket of darkness.


	20. Targeted

It was muffled, but I heard her scream. I stopped in my tracks, and attempted to find her scent. I could make out the faint smell of the group southwest from where I was. I made my way there, only to find an empty saddle on Ah-Un, and the guards searching through the snow. Even the dragon searched the ground for my missing mate.

"Explain this." I commanded, failing to keep my anger contained.

"It was an avalanche, it came from nowhere." one of the demons replied.

"And you lost my mate in it?" I growled.

"I-It came out of nowhere and seemed to target her, my lord."

"It targeted her?" I repeated as my anger subsided.

Events began to weave together into a comprehensible thought. This had been the original intention from the beginning, and the thought of it irritated me. I allowed myself to slip away from my humanoid shape, deciding to spare no time in finding my mate. If this turns out to be as I expect it will, someone will lose their life.


	21. Cold Interactions

I could barely will my eyes to open as my consciousness started to return and connect my thoughts to my physical body. The pain in my chest ached and was begged me to stay still, to allow myself to heal. I would have listened to my body's pleas for inactivity if I wasn't buried in snow. Unless I wanted to die of hypothermia or asphyxiation, I had no choice but to move. It took me a while, but I managed to pull my way out of the snow. I took a huge, painful breath of air before slowly wiping off the remnants of my frigid burial. Every muscle in my body was chilled stiff, making movement much harder to occur. Even so, I attempted to stand, and found myself giving up rather quickly. I was thwarted by intense chest pains that somehow made my frozen body feel like thousands of microscopic needles were being stabbed into it. I decided to wait a while before I attempted to move again, and would instead allow my eyes to readjust to the light of the sun. Not soon later, a voice as fragile as glass floated into my ears.

"There is nothing special about her!" the voice said, sounding very distraught.

"I didn't think I would be welcomed so warmly after getting out of that ice trap." I replied, brimful with sarcasm.

"You are truly horrible; you lack all the qualities of a true lady!"

"Does it look... like I care?" I asked as I sat myself against a tree, blinking the dark spots out of my vision.

The wind picked up, sending another chill down my back as it carried snow to a spot a couple of feet in front of me. The snow continued to pile up in that spot before condensing into the shape of a young woman. The snow-filled wind then filled in her details, giving her white hair, tear-filled pale blue eyes, lips, ears, markings 'cross her cheeks, fingernails, etcetera. When the wind died back down, I noticed that her fists were clenched and that she was biting her lip gingerly.

"Do you come here to torment me, to rub in the fact that Sesshomaru chose you?!"

I ignored her, trying to make the pain in my chest subside. I warily placed my hand on my chest, only to wince from the unbearable pain that coursed through my body, stimulating my thawing muscles as I yanked my hand away. At least one rib was definitely broken.

"Are you listening to me?!" The demoness questioned.

"I would prefer to deal with this pain without you shrieking in my ear." I growled back.

"Shrieking? How dare you?!"

"And you only proceed to get louder."

"Your audacity is repulsive. I do not understand how you won Lord Sesshomaru's favor, and how I did not. It upsets me to the point that I let it snow for so long."

I sat quietly before speaking again. "Are you serious?" I let out a stressed sigh and held my head. I had almost immediately dismissed the thought, but now it turns around to rear its ugly head. I mean, I wouldn't infringe on a contract created between my home and a larger, not to mention more powerful, nation because I was upset that someone I liked didn't chose me to marry him. I'd understand depression, but this was ridiculous. She was endangering people's very livelihoods. If there's one thing I absolutely hate, its spoiled brats. Unfortunately for me, those were the only two words floating around in my head.

"Then I assume you were the one that did this to me."

"You brought it upon yourself. You should not have come here."

"Then I… am correct?"

"I do not know." she said as she puffed out her chest and turned her back to me.

'You ought to be careful before I scar that pretty little back of yours.'

**Whoa, calm down Tiger.**

'I am closest to a Shiba inu.'

_It was a metaphor._

**Would Sesshomaru be a Kishu inu?**

_Does it matter?_

"If this **pup** isn't careful, her bark will get her into a dangerous situation."

"I am no pup." The girl responded, astounded by my warning.

_She said that out loud? Oh dear._

"Your behavior has me fooled then." I growled.

"Ha! If anything, you speak for yourself. You growl at me, but here you lie, weak."

She kicked her foot into my already injured chest, sending a new wave of numbed pain over me as my breath escaped to some unknown place. I soon found myself holding my freezing chest again as I pulled myself out of the snow I somehow ended up in. I could feel my warm blood seeping through the first few layers of my kimono, clinging to whatever it touched. I took me forever to regain my breath, but when I did the little patience I had left me.

"Lord, give me patience." I said aside with bated breaths.

"Completely, and utterly pathetic." The girl spat.

"You really are imprudent. Do you realize that you have assaulted me twice now?"

"What of it?"

"Are you truly so spoiled that you delude yourself in your own world?"

"You speak nonsense."

"You aren't the first… to say that." I replied.

"Really? And who was this other person who agrees with me?"

"Sesshomaru." I said before giving off a pained chuckle. "He finds it endearing, I believe."

The girl's face instantly reddened as she allowed her emotions to control her. "My hatred for you will never fade! You stole him from me, and you know it!"

"Stole? In order to steal, one must own. He was never yours, so stealing, is not the word you should use."

"Shut your mouth already!"

"What's wrong? Can't you think of anything better to say? Or are you realizing that you cannot hold a discourse with me for anytime longer than a minute?"

"How dare you?! Now you assault my intellect? You are a horrid creature!"

"At least I am a horrid creature who understands that the world does not revolve around me, and takes time to contemplate the consequences of my actions."

"Do you think that I do not think of such things?"

"Then you understand the situation you have placed yourself in." I stated, ignoring my shallow breathing.

"Of course I do."

You realize that Inu's are very prideful creatures, especially Sesshomaru."

"Even a peasant would know that." the girl sneered.

"Then I assume… that you also know that Sesshomaru is very protective."

"Would you stop your round-about ways? I've told you; I can think just as well as you, if not better."

"Truly? Then you also realize that Sesshomaru does not enjoy having those he protects assaulted." I said as my body started to go numb.

"As I have said, I have thought of this. His rage will not reach me. I am not under his jurisdiction. Have you forgotten?"

"Your understanding is as superficial as your personality. Have you forgotten that you have broken the pact that keeps you from being under his jurisdiction, the very pact that keeps you safe from his rage?"

She was silent.

"And you do know that the scent of my blood acts as a lit candle at night in a leveled field?"

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. His entrance was prominent, considering the fact that he was in his large dog form. He stared at me before lowering his head to sniff me. I brushed my fingertips across his warm nose, finding comfort in his intense aura. I didn't realize how cold and tired I was until Sesshomaru shrank back to his human form and caressed my cheek with a warm hand. For once, I couldn't read his facial expression. I prided myself on my ability to understand his silent language, but his mask this time was impenetrable, reflecting my inquisitive glances like a mirror. Maybe I couldn't read him because I was going delusional from blood loss.

"Kazumi." Sesshomaru called as he knelt next to me.

"I'm still upset with you." I joked as I placed my hand on his cheek. "My speech isn't intolerable now, is it?"

When he tried to move me, I winced as my ecstasy lost its anesthetic like effect. His hands left my body as he turned his back to me. I could only watch as Sesshomaru walked towards the girl as her skin managed to pale further.

"You harmed my mate." he stated.

She remained silent.

"I will also assume that you are the cause of this snow. Do you understand the charges you have placed against yourself?" He asked as he towered over the girl.

She tried to back away, but lost her footing and fell.

"You are subject to my judgment, and my verdict is death." He said as he took out Bakusaiga. The girl was quaking in her boots as more tears formed in her eyes.

Just as Sesshomaru brought his sword up, readying to kill the girl, I spoke up. "I think that's enough, Sesshomaru." I said as I felt a sinister grin creep onto my face.

"…Why should I let her live?"

"Why? Do you think killing her would make things simpler?" I attempted to get up, but ended up hurting myself further.

"Her death would not affect anything."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Some iron pills and pain killers would make this a lot more bearable.

"We didn't come here to kill."

"She harmed what is mine."

"That's true, but that doesn't mean you have to kill her."

"Allowing her to live is a sign of weakness."

"It is not your place to judge. It is mine."

"My place is to keep and protect you. Not striking is irrational."

"I'm… not going to argue with you." My eyes suddenly became heavy, as my consciousness faded.

My body was too tired to keep up with my will. The pain from a broken bone, blood loss, and oncoming frostbite had shut me down entirely. I had ignored it for far too long, and this was my punishment. Though this is my second time having a rib broken I was not prepared for this excruciating pain. Maybe the pain differs because I was knocked out the first time, and wasn't freezing at the same time.


	22. Reunited

It took a while, but when my eyes finally opened, I found myself staring at a ceiling and surrounded by unknown walls. I was buried in covers with a towel on my forehead. The sound of bones popping back into their joints filled the air as I moved my arms to move myself from the futon. I must have been out of commission for a while. After pulling myself up, I tossed my unruly hair behind me and observed the bandage that covered my chest. Luckily, I didn't open my sore wounds. I found a couple of white robes and threw them on. Unaccustomed to dressing while bruised, it took me some time to get dressed, but I managed to do it. After looking around some more, I found the door that led into the halls of where ever I was. Since there wasn't anyone around, I decide to go and find someone. I scanned the area for any type of movement, but found none. Was I alone in here?

I walked until I found my way outside. My gaze was met by the sight of a courtyard covered in snow. I thought I would be sick of seeing the frozen water, but it was surprisingly comforting. The snow glistened in the sun's rays alongside bleached flowers. Even with the cold weather, the flowers bloomed, exposing their white, pale blue, and cerulean petals. The tops of ponds were frozen, but the fish continued to swim without a care in the world. I walked into the frozen garden, mystified by it. Everywhere looked clean and crisp, as though nature had preserved this place to revel in its own beauty. I took in the cold beauty as I searched for another person, taking in the shrine that stood in the distance. Shortly after, I stumbled across another being.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" I asked.

The man turned to face me, revealing that he had similar features to the girl I had encountered earlier. Simply remembering her gave me a headache and intensified the soreness of my chest. The main difference between the two, other than their gender, was that this man's hair reached his shoulders and had a blueish tint to it. His sky blue kimono didn't make it easier to see him.

"Ah, the beautiful lady has woken." he said as he bowed lightly "This is the village elder's household."

"Where is everybody else?"

"They are meeting in a room in the main building."

"Oh, I see."

I can't just barge into a meeting, especially not this one. The whole reason we came here was meet with them. I would only cause a disruption. But now I was stuck with an unidentified man.

"I will return to the room I was provided."

"I am sure you tire of having no other company."

"Then you misread me." I told him as coldly as I could.

"I did not intend to make you hostile."

"Then what is it that you intended?"

"I intended to keep the company of a gorgeous woman."

"I am sure you can find another." I replied as I started to leave.

The man held my wrist to still me before letting go.

"No beauty compares to your own."

"You flatter me unnecessarily."

"I flatter you justly."

"What do you aim to achieve through this flattery?"

"I aim to attain your heart."

"Do you not know that I am already mated?"

"I know very well of your mating to Sesshomaru along with his lineage's tendencies." The man said as he circled around me. "His family's preference of their second mate over their first is more than well known."

I stared the guy, shocked at what he had just said, and how it rang true with Sesshomaru's father, and InuYasha. Were Sesshomaru's ancestors as this man had said? I erased the thought from my head, choosing to place my trust in Sesshomaru, just as I have before.

"Then Sesshomaru will be the outlier."

The man seemed to chuckle at my words through his eyes.

"One can never be too certain. All I ask for is a space in your memory should anything happen that would separate you two." He said as he kissed my hand.

I wanted to reply to him, to refuse his request, but our conversation was disrupted.

"Yuki, there you are. You should not have walked out like that." I heard a familiar voice cry out.

I took my hand away from the man and gave a short glare to the women who had broken my rib. The man I was talking to, Yuki, gazed at the woman before speaking.

"Perhaps you are right, Mizuki." He said as he walked toward her. "But I believe that my presence was unnecessary."

"Brother, you will be the one to take over once father's time is up. Please, be reasonable."

"Are you one to talk about being reasonable, little sister? Your irrationality caused this mess." the man replied coldly before leaving.

The two were siblings, and the children of this land's lord. Why was it that I just so happen to be caught up in both of their affairs? While one hates me, the other wishes to court me? Hopefully, I will be able to forget this all when I return to the manor.

"You, what were you doing with my brother?"

"I was having a chat with him."

Her glare narrowed as she approached me. "Do not think that you can trick him as you have Lord Sesshomaru."

"You should, at least, assume plausible things. Sesshomaru is, and will be my only mate. The next time you suggest such a thing, or that I have tricked Sesshomaru, I will not let it go so easily."

"And what will you do?" she asked, testing me.

"I'll crush your pathetic little existence." I said before walking past her.

I walked into what seemed to be the main part of the house, and was glad to see other people. I walked around, ignoring the blatant stares I received. The halls had thrown me for a loop, but I was able to navigate my way through and find my way to Sesshomaru. Once our eyes met, a wave of relief washed over me. I was glad to finally see someone I knew. Sesshomaru was in the company of an older looking man who had a tired smile on his face. Though I acknowledged the older man's presence, I made my way over to Sesshomaru and threw my arms around him. I let my head fall onto his unarmored chest and took in his scent. My feeling of alienation disappeared as his familiar presence seemed to carry me.

"You are awake." he said as I felt his hand run through my hair.

"I am." I said before eventually removing myself from him.

I faced the older man and bowed slightly as a silent apology for my actions.

"There is no need for you to apologize to me." the man said with a dismissive wave. "It must have been hard for you to wake up in a foreign place without your mate."

His voice sounded like the embodiment of aged wisdom, crisp, and weary. His years of experience had seeped into his very voice, silently commanding respect and complete attention. The man's gray hair was tied into a knot on top of his head, and his cerulean eyes seemed to be laden with knowledge. His skin was not s pale as the others' I had seen. Instead, his skin held somewhat of a light tan, and held wrinkles in his brows form his years of scrutinizing.

"I would like to apologize for my daughter's behavior. I never expected her take such extreme actions." he said as he bowed his head.

"I accept your apology on her behalf." I said without hesitation.

The older man looked at me with intrigued eyes. "You do?"

"I have had my own share of conversations with her, and I can tell she proves to be troublesome." I explained. "I know Sesshomaru will not allow this situation to blow over, but I will hold no grudge against you or your daughter."

I watched the aged man as a load of worry was lifted off of his strained shoulder. The older lord bowed before leaving Sesshomaru and I to each other's company. It really is cruel for a child to leave such heavy burdens on their parents.

"Why is it that you have such a softened heart?"

"I hate the thought of a parent burying their child."

"And what if you had not recovered? What if I had lost you to that storm?"

"I'd rather not think about it.

"You did not wake up for days."

I sighed. His worry warmed my heart, yet also filled it with guilt and grief. I couldn't dismiss this. He was right to want to punish the party responsible for hurting me, but I didn't have the heart to do it. A lot of things could have gone wrong, worst being that I died.

"I'm sorry for making you worry like that, but holding off my forgiveness would have placed that man in a situation similar to your own. He did nothing to deserve it."

"…"

"My death would have affected you, but you have Tensaiga. He does not. Since I am alive and well, a warning and probation should be enough. There's no need for death if we can avoid it."

He brought me back into his embrace. I held him back and enjoyed the silence that came with his company.


	23. Mood Swings

It only took three days to settle the "crisis" because of my decision to let the girl go with a warning and probation, but Sesshomaru insisted that we wait for me to heal before leaving. I was willing to leave at any time and made sure that was an option, but Sesshomaru had already set his mind on waiting. I understand his worry, but it made me feel like a burden. I was holding everyone back, and I couldn't do anything about it. I guess my health does take precedence over returning quickly. I can't just throw myself anywhere I want anymore. Sesshomaru's constant proximity to me reminded me that I don't live for just myself anymore. He kept me in his embrace, wrapping his mokomoko around me, smothering me with his scent and heat. The sudden overload of attention he was giving me wasn't a problem; the problem was his persistence. He refused to let me take more than five steps away from the room and basically dragged me back when I dared to stray. He sat me down in his lap and locked his arms around me. Of course I started to be unruly and fidgety. I even started to refuse him. Why was he so adamant about this? It was becoming a limitation, and I do not bode well with limitations I do not set up for myself. When I started to pick at his hands, trying to get rid of his grasp on me, he gave me a warning growl.

I stopped for a moment before deciding that I wasn't going to let him intimidate me. He had no right to restrain me like this, and I wouldn't give him the right to. A similar growl left my throat, one that let him know that I wasn't going to simply let him keep me from doing simple tasks. I waited for his reply, and found the silence disturbing.

My thoughts of rebellion seemed to melt away as I realized that his response was the silence that perturbed me so. I thought he would react in some way. Eliciting a kiss from me, nuzzling me, talking to me, why didn't he do any of that? It worried me. The silence felt cold, colder than usual, colder than what I had endured in the snow.

"Sesshomaru? I-Is everything alright?" I asked.

He said nothing as his grip around my waist loosened.

"Sesshomaru, seriously, is something wrong?" I asked as I turned to face him.

He turned away from me…What? I…This… What was going on? Why was he backing down? Why did he turn his face away from me? Before I could think any of this out, my hands had already brought his gaze back to me. I sat there, staring into his eyes, trying to find out what I had done.

"You are hurt." He finally said as he pulled me closer to him.

As I let the words sink in, I smiled. "Then you're just being gentle. You really scared me."

"Did I?"

"You did." I replied. "And I'm fine. I just get sore every now and then, but other than that, I'm fine."

"Are you?" he asked as he traced his finger up my abdomen. He curved his finger to trace over my rib before stopping at the bruised area. He poked my healing rib before massaging it. I didn't move, not wanting to move his hand from that spot.

This may seem weird, but I always enjoyed bruises the few times I had them. I'm no masochist, but I love the feeling I get when I press down to bruises as Sesshomaru was doing. It's like hitting your funny bone. It's painful, but in a way that feels weirdly nice. The feeling of having it hurt, but in a tingly sort of way, it stimulated me. A stimulation that either alerted or dulled my senses, I can't really explain it myself. I just knew that I liked it, and having Sesshomaru touch my bruised rib sent much more than regular pleasure through my body. I struggled to keep my moan to myself.

I distanced myself from him as I tried to calm my heart. However, Sesshomaru didn't know why I fled from his arms. He brought me back to his embrace and growled softly to me, as though we were exchanging sweet nothings. My face flushed a bright red and my legs trembled as my body started to ache for him.

"What is it that you want me to do, **Mate**?"

The way he called me his mate, the way his touch melted me… I wanted him. I wanted him now. I yearned for the touch of his skin, for the warmth of his body, to give and feel pleasure. I took his hand and brought it to my lips instinctively. My sudden change in pace embarrassed me, to do such a thing while staying in another lord's home? The thought itself was indecent, but my mind slipped away. I could not deny how I felt. There was no need to. This behavior is to be expected by a newly mated couple. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around him, getting rid of any distance between us. His hair intertwined with my fingers as I pressed myself against him, trying to tell him what I wanted without words.

"We will depart tomorrow." Sesshomaru stated before he graced my desire with his lips and my own. Wandering hands found and held onto his kimono as I allowed myself to lie down, placing him on top of me. I held onto him tightly as he pressed himself against me. My hands drifted further down before stopping at his waist. He broke our contact to allow me to breathe. I gave a panted growl before continuing our kiss. One of my hands got through his kimono and met his chest as the other reached for his hakama. His hands searched and found a way to bypass my clothing. Just as we started to disrobe, Sesshomaru pulled away from me. When I tried to pull him back, Sesshomaru removed himself entirely. By the time I sat up, he had left the room.

Beast and I snarled at the newly found silence in the room. Sesshomaru had led me on. Here I was, wanting him desperately, and he got up and left. My hands burned foe him. Was it not a few moments ago that he refused to let me go? Why let me go now?

I sat up, holding my forehead.

_Don't take it to heart. I'm sure he has his reasons._

'Why does he persist in keeping stuff like this to himself? Why won't he share his thoughts with me? I know good and well that he's not one that would walk away like that. You'd think he'd take advantage of that, especially since I initiated it and everything.'

**It's called 'sheltering.' [I]**

'Sheltering? I don't need to be sheltered.' [Me]

_Well, trust Sesshomaru's decision. [Myself]_

'**Everything will be explained in due time.' [Beast]**

'Why do you assume that he's sheltering me? I mean, it could be anything' [Me]

'… **Sheltering is not a new concept to me.' [Beast]**

'Beast?' [Me]

_Wait, so… [Myself]_

'**You are very naïve when compared to Sesshomaru.' [Sesshomaru]**

'Well…' [Me]

**Can we not get into the whole age thing again? [I]**

'**Age is not the only factor in this.'[Beast]**

_How old are you. Beast? [Beast]_

**Now that I think about it, you didn't join this party of nutcases until the whole birthday episode. Where were you before then? [I]**

'…' **[Beast]**

'Beast?' [Me]

'**You are a much more complex being than you believe. Our kind, we grow much faster than others, and sustain our ripest years for unbelievably long. Those years you were growing without me, I grew without you, learning our kind's ways from the knowledge made available by the generations before us. The complex system makes it so we do not enter the demon world as vulnerable as the ones who were prayed upon.' [Beast]**

'… What does this have to do with the situation at hand?' [Me]

'**Much more than you anticipate.' [Beast]**

'How exactly.'[Me]

'**We spoke of sheltering for a reason.' [Beast]**

_So you're sheltering us? [Myself]_

'… **It is nothing bad, disconcerting, but nothing bad.' [Beast]**

'Then why not tell me?' [Me]

'…**This is between me and him.' [Beast]**

'And who is this 'him'?' [Me]

'**Sesshomaru's beast.' [Beast]**

'You said that with quite some animosity.'[Me]

'**If you knew the man, you would understand.' [Beast]**

'He can't be that bad.' [Me]

'**Some things are better left unsaid.' [Beast] **

I sighed. I was being sheltered, even by my own beast. At least we were leaving tomorrow. I guess he's just in a flexible mood today.


	24. Beastly Affections

We left early the next morning, after saddling Ah-Un up. As we set out, I realized that Sesshomaru was missing. When I asked one of the guards where he was, they informed me that he told them to head off without him. Of course I wasn't going to do that, and I know he knows that I know that I wasn't going to do that. I returned to the complex and started my search for him. I lifted my chin and looked for his scent. Unfortunately, there was still snow here. I decided to take stabs in the dark after instructing the guards to go one without me. I walked throughout the compound, searching for him. The main hall, the room meetings were held in, back halls, dining rooms, I couldn't find him. I eventually found myself sitting in the garden. It had to be around high afternoon. I should have left with the others. I just wasted my time searching for him. It's just that… I didn't see him for the rest of the day yesterday, and now this morning. I wanted to make sure that everything was alright, but I guess that will have to wait.

I sighed before pushing myself off of the bench. If I hurry, I could catch up with the others, but there is always danger in the space between us. Going alone would be stupid, then again, staying here alone was just as stupid.

"You are still here." An all too familiar voice said as he appeared before me and took my hand to kiss it.

I let him, knowing that refusing to let him would be rude. I kept silent, waiting to hear why he approached me.

"I thought you were to leave with the rest of your group."

"I go nowhere without my mate." I responded.

"I assume that he did not inform you of his later departure, seeing that you are not with him now." He said as he let go of my hand.

"I must be going." I said as I started to walk away from him.

"Why not stay a while longer?" he asked as he reached for my hand.

"I would appreciate if you stopped your attempts to get closer to me." I said as I snatched my hand out of his reach. I walked closer to him with a scowl deeply written on my face. "I want none other than my mate. Don't you **dare** to even try to come between us. I was willing to show your sister mercy, **but I will show you no mercy.**"

I couldn't stop the growl that rumbled in my throat and chest. Beast was losing her cool, and so was I.

"I have done you no wrong, unlike my sister."

"No physical damage to me will ever compare to any assault to my mating. I am willing to relent from taking a daughter for the prior, but I will not relent from taking an heir for the later." I said before distancing myself from the man. "Heed my warning."

"Kazumi." I heard Sesshomaru call.

When my eyes found him, my feet made no hesitation to place me by his side.

"Then I assume this is goodbye." Yuki said with a bow.

I bowed back before following Sesshomaru out.

We left the village less than thirty minutes later. We walked in silence, listening to nothing but our silent footsteps. I looked around, refraining from asking questions. Once we were a good deal away from the village, the first words were spoken.

"What is it that that man said that angered you so?"

"There's no need to worry about it."

"You slurred you word."

"I always do."

"No. When you were speaking with him, you slurred your word. You make a point to avoid slurring when in the presence of others. What angered you to where your beast almost left your control?"

I remained silent, wondering how observant Sesshomaru really was.

"Kazumi."

"What were you doing that made you depart later than us, and why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I was discussing the terms of the probation with Yuu."

"That doesn't explain you decided to not tell me. I want you to tell me when something's wrong. How can I be of help otherwise?"

Sesshomaru took my hand, and led me off of the trail. When I attempted to get us back on track, he held me against a tree.

"Kazumi, I want to ravage you."

"Sess-"

"I want you more than anything, yet I cannot have you, not yet. Simply being near you tests my bounds."

I couldn't find any words to say, not that I could think of anything to say to begin with.

"Now, what angered you?" He asked.

"… He said that you would prefer your second mate over me, so he tried to win my favor now."

I could feel his agitation before he even knew what he was feeling.

"I will kill him."

"It's fine."

"It is not."

"Let it go."

"That tribe has offended me two to many times."

"Sesshomaru, stay calm."

"**I will not show mercy again."**

The raspy voice that came from his mouth was foreign. I instinctively backed away from him, withdrawing my touch and trust. I didn't know the person in front of me, and I didn't want to find out. His growls were so fierce, so bloodthirsty; it terrified me. I was glad that he was staring in the direction of the village we had just left instead of me. I was afraid that his gaze would kill me, still the blood in my veins, and stop my heart for beating so foolishly. When he did gaze at me, I closed my eyes and looked the other way. My body tensed up as I braced myself for the worst. Every hair on my body stood as a cold sweat started to form on my brow.

Whatever I was expecting to happen didn't happen, thankfully. When the atmosphere lightened, and a familiar touch traced my back, I opened my eyes. I was swept off my feet, and found that I was flying with Sesshomaru. I didn't say a word as we flew back to the manor.

As it would turn out, we arrived mid-evening, and before the others. Everything was back to normal. Once I was back inside the manor walls, I found Rin's arms wrapped around my waist. She let go and bowed to Sesshomaru, welcoming him back as well. She then excused herself to bring tea to us. The guards arrived seconds later. I thanked them and told them that they did a good job. Sesshomaru dismissed them, and they returned to their regular positions.

The rest of my short day was spent drinking tea with Rin. She caught me back up to date with all of which I had missed while I was away. Seeing Rin's smiling face brought a sense of peace to my heart. I decided to omit the little incidents that occurred during the trip. I'd prefer if things remained in this calm state.

I listened to every word Rin had to say, watching her eyes glimmer with growing curiosity. Before we knew it, the sun had set, and Rin had to get ready for bed. Once she was settled down in bed, I wished her goodnight and left her room. I let my feet take me wherever they wanted to go. As I walked down the halls aimlessly, my beast started to stir, wanting to break free. I tried to speak with her, but she gave me no reply. That was very unlike Beast. I stopped where I was and tried to invoke a conversation again. Her reply was a growl fiercer than any one I could ever conjure. In my state of nervous surprise, I allowed myself to be pulled into the bedroom Sesshomaru and I shared. He placed me in his embrace again, wrapping me in his tail.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Our beasts…" he started.

I waited for him to finish his thought. When he didn't, I looked into his eyes and found that they were completely red.

"**You couldn't wait, could you?"** I heard Beast say as she stole control.

"**You have kept me waiting long enough."** Sesshomaru's beast replied as he threw my body onto the bed and took the dominant position.** "There is no escape now."**

"…"

"**Have I finally stilled that beguiling tongue?"** he asked as he pinned beast down.

She refused to speak.

"**I will hear your voice, whether you wish it or not."** he said before planting a kiss on my distant lips. When my beast tried to refuse him, he forced himself upon her. His claws sank into her shoulders to still his prey as his eyes washed over her and the blood he had drawn from her with his claws.

The two beasts always quarreled with each other, growled at each other with snarls engrained in their features, but it was as the male beast had said long ago. He wished to dominate, and under the mask the female wore was the desire to be dominated. Sesshomaru's beast was willing to rip that mask off of his mate's beast, to force her into submission, and to take her as his own, to make the woman belong to Sesshomaru completely. She resisted him all this time, taunting him with her words, body, and scent, but now, she had thrown herself too far. Escape was impossible. This cunning beast had nowhere to run, and Sesshomaru's would take advantage of it.

The woman's beast tried to keep her head leveled as he forced himself onto her. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had trapped her. The cat had finally caught the mouse, but the mouse refused to accept its fate.

"**Why fight any longer?"** the man's beast growled in her ear, exciting her.** "You want this."**

"**You misread me."**

"**I know how you work." **Sesshomaru's beast said as it took its claws out of his mate's shoulders. **"You attempt to dissuade yourself, not me. You want to keep your composure, but I will not allow it. I will make you squirm until you give in. Your moans will fill this place."**

His hands found their way into her kimono. Her hands reached to stop his, but had no strength behind them. He tore off her clothes, destroying any chance of her keeping herself dressed. She growled at him before attempting to swipe him away. Annoyed by her attempt, he caught her wrist and flipped her onto her stomach. He held pulled her arm behind her and pressed against her back, threatening to pull the limb out of joint. Her other hand dug into the bed, trying to give some type of relief from the pain he was causing her.

"**Your fight is in vain."** He whispered to her again. **"Give yourself to me."**

His hands traced down her back as his canines sank into her skin. After her initial thrashing about, she let go of herself, loosening her body to his delight. She accepted defeat, and allowed him to claim his spoil of war. She allowed herself to be smothered by his presence and scent, allowing him to mark her as his own. She remained quiet as he pleased himself with her. It wasn't until she felt him within her that her arms clung onto him. As euphoria engulfed the two wild beasts, their passion only intensified. They were the embodiment of raw, uncontrolled instinct and emotion, and this fact became evident as their aggression with each other grew.

"**Release me!"** she screamed as her fire was lit again.

"**And allow you to run?"** he questioned as his grip hardened.

The woman's body became animate once more as she started to fight again, pushing away from him and bearing her claws against him. The man's response was to sink his claws into her body once again. The woman convulsed as she tried to pry his claws out of her sides. Using his grip on her as leverage, he calmed the woman, and pushed himself further into her.

"**You cannot resist."**

"**I can."** She replied weakly.

"**You want me."**

"**I despise you."**

"**You need me."**

"**I need nothing."**

"**You love me."**

"**Are you daft?"**

"**Look at yourself. You say that you despise me, and that you do not need me, yet your body trembles with excitement. Your eyes plead for more. Your hands have been stilled, and cling onto me. Stop this fight. You need not prove yourself of anything."**

"**That was never my intention."**

"**Your intention does not matter."** He said as he removed his claws from her side. **"You have seduced me, and I take what I want. You belong to me, and none other. You can no longer tempt any man other than the fool you have already enticed."**

"**Is that so?"**

"**It is."**

"**I do not seduce fools."** She said in reply.

"**Then you understand what I am saying."**

"**Are you sure you are a beast? I have never heard of a beast using words to win a companion."**

"**As you said, I am no fool. Actions will not convince you to allow me to have my way with you."**

"**You can teach an old dog new tricks then."**

"**You are much too young to try and teach me anything." **He said with softening eyes.

"**Are you love-struck? Where has your ferocity gone?"**

"**Do you think I would be willing to speak with you if my ferocity roamed free?"**

"**That's no good." **She said as she laid him down. **"Show me, just how much you wish to claim the vixen who has kept you in chase. Let it out on me. Make me yours. You've proved more than enough to me." **She said before placing a kiss on his neck and sparking a new fire within him.

When I woke up, my body was sore beyond belief. The raw skin on my body showed me where our bodies had collided too often, and the bruises told me where he had bitten me or where his claws had pierced my skin. My red stained skin revealed where his sharp claws had ran over. Sesshomaru escaped with only a few cuts and bruises. My beast had been much nicer to him than his had been to me. I guess it was my beasts fault for instigating such harsh treatment. I could barely move, and when I managed to move slightly, Sesshomaru pulled me closer. I could feel his hands running through my hair as I felt his gaze on my neck.

"I am surprised you are awake." he commented before nuzzling me.

"And why so?" I asked.

"It was a rough night." He said as his hands traced over my hips, sending a chill of desire down my back.

"…You want to do it again, don't you?" I asked as a blush popped onto my cheeks.

His hands hovered over my thighs now, hinting at his desire to have me in his arms again.

"So long as you're gentle…" I said as I looked away from him.

"Were you not the one who said it was not rough enough last night?"

I kept quiet.

"Which would you prefer?" Sesshomaru asked as his hands moved up my thighs.

"… be as rough as you want." I gave in. My legs twitched with anticipation as they were spread apart once more. I ached for him, and so he gave himself to me, bringing the passionate sensation back to the room, filling the air with static and heat.


	25. Left in the Dark

I wasn't surprised that I could barely walk. It was my own fault for letting him be so damn rough. Never again! Lesson learned! It was hard to get out of bed, but I eventually forced myself up and out of bed. I winced as I held my bruised waist. I could trace the marks he had left with his claws. I loved it… the tingling sensation each mark sent through my body as my fingers glided over them. It sent shivers of bliss down my back. I still can't explain it and at this point, I don't think I ever will. I threw on something before going to bathe. The bath was cool, and surprisingly refreshing. It may not have the same benefits as taking a warm bath, but it was nice to have something stimulate every pore and muscle in my body. When that was done, I got dressed in a white yukata, and went around the main building. It wasn't the most fun thing I could have done, but it was nice to walk around, especially after feeling as though I would never move again.

Everything seemed normal. Everyone was doing their jobs, no fights to break up, no gossiping to stop, it started to seem too normal. I knew that there was no way my luck would allow anything to be _this_ normal. My life is very episodic now, and a moment of downtime is dull and foreign to me. It left me in a state of unexplainable unease. Now that I think about it, the place smelled sterile. It smelled like someone was trying to keep the place _clean._ Either they spilled bleach around the manor, orsomeone was trying very hard to keep someone from noticing something, and I have the feeling that that someone is me. It was estranging. I never liked hospitals for that reason. I always picked up a forlorn feeling whenever I was in one, and this made me feel no different. There would be no need to sterilize the place if there wasn't something that needed to be cleaned. Fortunately for me, a loud-mouthed kappa just so happened to walk by.

"Jaken," I called, getting the small toad's attention.

"You're up? I was sure you would be stuck in bed for a while more." The demon replied.

"Do you know what confuses me, Jaken? Everything seems too clean.'"

"And what do you mean by 'too clean?'"

"The entire building smells like it has been wiped clean." I find it odd that his snarky reply was missing some of the usual attitude that came with it.

"I can assure you that you are imagining it."

"I can assure you that you are keeping your mouth shut because Sesshomaru told you to."

"I can assure you that Mi'Lord-"

I should've realized it sooner. "What is he doing? Didn't we already talk about this?"

"My lord has nothing to hide."

"I would believe you if I had mentioned him having something to hide." I replied as I focused on the kappa before me. "Jaken, what are you refraining from telling me?"

"I am sure Lord Sesshomaru will formally introduce her to you in due time!" the kappa leaked.

"Her?" I asked while crossed my arms.

The toad seemed to pale as a cunning smirk crept onto my face.

"It's okay Jaken. _I'll_ be the one protecting you from _him_ this time." I assured.

"You are as conniving as a kitsune!"

"I didn't do anything this time. Don't try to make me your scapegoat." I replied.

I'd never seen a paler shade of green in my life. The toad must fear for his life. I crouched down and patted the demon on its head before leaving it to ponder why I had not assaulted it. I'm no saint, but I'm not the devil either.

Not having any place in particular to go to, I just walked through the manor. I stared at the ground as I attempted to find out why Sesshomaru would keep this visitor a secret. Could it be that someone who still objects to our mating has come? Some demonesses are fierce when it comes to that. Just the thought of demonesses made me press against where my rib had once threatened to poke out. Demonesses could be very aggressive indeed. The extensive chill that ran from my feet to the tips of my hair helped me decide that it would probably be best for me to stay away from whoever is here. They would be nothing but trouble, and I don't know if I would handle it well. Regardless of the reasons for the secretive action, I would use the down time to rest, instead of worry.

I made my decision and turned to go to the library just as I heard a door open down the hall. An unknown voice filled my ears before I noticed the white hair that made its way through the door. I cut off my gaze and started to walk away without more than a second's hesitation. His face was still, but held undeniable agitation.

"Sesshomaru, what do you expect me to say to my father and mother?" the woman's voice questioned.

Sesshomaru didn't reply. I knew he was staring at me. His gaze didn't leave the back of my body. I turned the corner when I heard him call my name. For once, I went against my instinct and started to walk away faster. It's just my luck that I would run into the after deciding to avoid them. Why can't things just work out the way I want them to? Well, that would make for an uneventful chapter. I tried to salvage the situation by walking away but, then again, it might look like I was walking away because I saw him with another woman. I'm not that clingy… I mean… sure, there was that spat with Kagura, and those few episodes of dejection and teenage angst, but that was long ago. I know he's mine, and I'm his. There's no need to doubt it now. We've gone too far for me to doubt his fidelity simply because he was with someone else without telling me. I don't need him to tell me where he is 24/7. I trust him.

I jumped when I felt arms wrap around my waist and a body press against mine.

"Why are you up?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Should I not be?" I asked as I took a deep breath to calm down.

"Do you feel well? Are you sure you are not straining your body?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Why do you ask? Is there something I don't know about?"

"My beast was rough with you, and then I was rough with you. I am surprised that you did not sleep for another day."

"**Another** day? How long was I out?"

"Two days."

"T-Two days?! I still have bruises and scratch marks!"

"…I was rough."

"Sesshomaru-"

"You told me to be as rough as I wanted."

"I know, but-"

"You loved every second of it. The way that your body moved with my own… I've never seen such an elegant dance." He said as he nibbled on me ear.

"Stop it." I said as I pushed him off.

"If your scent wasn't so intoxicating, that would be possible."

"I assume that this is the new Lady of the West." The unfamiliar voice chimed.

I faced the woman, and was met by stormy gray eyes that threatened to unleash a hurricane. Her deep purple hair framed her face, making it seem dangerously sharp. She was averse to me, that much was evident. Unfortunately, I couldn't care less.

"I am." I said.

"I guess I should thank you for your willingness to let me see your mate." She replied, not caring to look me in the eyes.

"It does not bother me." I remarked, staring at her until she met my eyes with her own.

"It does not? If I were you, I would reconsider."

"I just hope that you keep yourself within your boundaries."

"And if I were not to?"

"Try me and find out."

"Is that a challenge?"

"In the eyes of the bliss-enveloped ignorant, it is."

"Are you calling me ignorant?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"Take it as you will."

"My lady, I do not take kindly to insults."

"It is your choice on whether to stay or leave. Just as it is your choice to believe that I have insulted you."

"Kazumi." Sesshomaru warned.

"I haven't said anything bad, only what is true. How she interprets it is none of my business." I said as I started to leave them. "I will also assume that what you have to say to her, and what you have already said to her is none of my business. You took the time to clean the manor of her scent to keep me from knowing about her visit, so I will not let your work be in vain."

How long has that girl been here? I couldn't help myself from questioning it. A lot can happen in two days. For all I could know, the manor could have been under sterilization while we were stuck in the snow village… not that it doesn't matter. I don't need to be jealous, or suspicious of anything. It doesn't bother me at all…

"My lady, is there anything you ne-"

I must have given her a frightening glare. She hurriedly bowed before running to the hills. There was no denying it, no matter how hard I try to convince myself. When it comes to the point that I unconsciously glare at people, I'm annoyed without a doubt. That woman's presence was ticking me off. Who does she think she is, acting as though she can catch an attitude with me? She can catch the back of my hand if she wants to play catch. Why is she even here? One thing I hate, other than snooty doters, is being kept in the dark, and I've told him that more than enough times. All I want is to know when stuff like this pops up. But, apparently, that's too much to ask for.

My pace slowly came to a stop as the thoughts started to cycle again in my mind. I can't forget that this is an entirely different era. Women aren't supposed to get involved with things outside of having kids, looking pretty, and being submissive. Two of those three, I am not capable of doing. I should consider myself lucky that Sesshomaru listens to what I have to say. But of course I expect more! I'm a 21st century girl from Georgia! I'm loud and rambunctious! Well, not so much on the loud part, but I can't just shut up and let him do whatever whenever, not without knowing something, even if it's the smallest silver of information. It's my security blanket. And… we're supposed to be on the same page. At least, that's the marriage I envisioned.

I shook the idea out of my head. I wouldn't delve deeper into the subject than that. My feet continued to walk as I took deep breaths. There was no need to be upset. He's said it himself. He won't let me go, and his word is all I need.

"Kazumi-san!"

I turned around in time to catch the ever-growing girl.

"I completely forgot that my birthday is really close!"

"Is it?" I asked the girl.

"It is! The second half moon of the 3rd cycle." She said as she held my hands excitedly.

"March already?" I sighed.

"_March_?"

"Don't worry about it. What would you like for your birthday?"

"What would I like?"

"Yes. Name anything you want, and I'll get it for you." I said while calming my heart.

"I want to go into the city with you! I never get to go anywhere, but Sesshomaru-sama and you always go places."

"You are right. With all the hard work you've been doing, you deserve a break. We will go in two days' time." I replied.

"Why not tomorrow; why not now?" Rin asked.

"It may not look like it, but I can barely walk." I told her with a smile.

"… Kazumi-san…"

"Yes?"

"Are you having a baby?"

"Why in the world do you assume that?"

"One of my books said that a woman can't walk when she's having a baby."

"Well, that's true…"

"Since you and Sesshomaru-sama are married, having a baby should be no problem."

"… Rin, I'm not prepared for this talk."

"Well, what else could hurt you so much? Sesshomaru-sama is so possessive that he would never let anyone other than himself touch you. Isn't that what you told me?"

"You just hit the nail on the head."

"What? I don't understand! Kazumi-san!"


	26. Nothing to Prove

After taking her focus off of my relationship with Sesshomaru, she went off to finish her school work to be available in two days. I went to the make a round through the garden. There wasn't much I could do even if I did find something or someone out of place, but I could always bring it to the attention of someone who could do something about it. Well, I guess I could do something about it, but in all honesty, I don't want to be bothered with it. I just want to pass time. Seeing that there are no laptops and the concept of the internet has yet to be conceived, I have a mighty amount of free time on my hands, and I need to devise a way to spend it effectively. Walking through the gardens wasn't on the top of the list, but I'd prefer to do something than to do nothing. Maybe I'll write a book. I mean, why not? I know how to write the language, and can learn how to write better. There's nothing wrong with improving my understanding of the language or unleashing my imagination to the world.

I was snapped out of my pondering state when a rather resilient shoulder ran into mine. I gave way to whoever had bumped into me and took no offense to it. I intended to continue on my walk as though nothing happened, but an obnoxious screeching similar to a crow's relentless cawing filled my ears.

"Oh, I do apologize. I did not see you." She stated with laughable intent.

"It is fine." I said, trying to dismiss any reason for a conversation to start.

"I expected no less from you. It is a wonder how you were able to steal Sesshomaru. Push overs are duller than milk induced brawls."

"I will not argue with your opinion." I said as I tried to walk away from her once more.

"Are you that scared of me? If I knew it would be so easy, I would have done this much earlier."

"Believe whatever you will."

"Your blood is so dull, it disgusts me. If I knew you were like this, I would have waited for Sesshomaru to tire of you."

It took everything in my being to not turn and swing on her. If there was one thing that I would not tolerate, it was someone talking smack about my marriage. I stopped and took a deep breath before turning to face the assailant. With a calmness that surprised even me, I let loose that which I had been thinking.

"Let me clear the misconceptions you seem to have concocted in that puny brain of yours. I am the only woman Sesshomaru is interested in, and ever will be interested in. Say whatever you wish about me, but do not speak about my marriage."

"Why that is rather bold statement to make. Why are you so adamant about me not speaking about your marriage? Are you not confident in that area?"

"Let me explain in simple terms. My marriage is a reflection of love between me and Sesshomaru."

"I do not-"

"If you would shut your mouth and listen for once, maybe you would see my point." I snapped back. "You may insult me all you want, but insulting our marriage insults Sesshomaru, and I simply won't allow that."

"Trust me; I do not intend my insults to be hurled at Sesshomaru."

I stepped toward her as the censorship within my head faded away. "By saying that I am passive, and dull, and cowardly, do you not criticize Sesshomaru's decision on who the Lady of the West should be and his taste in women?"

"No, I do not."

"Would you say such things while Sesshomaru was present?" I asked.

"I would be too busy fawning over him."

"Answer my question."

She did not reply.

"If you are wise, you would avoid speaking with me. Causing mischief here will do you no good." I told her as I started off in the direction I was going earlier.

"I do not see anything special in you." She spat in spite of me.

"If all you women are going to be hostile toward me, the least you could do is express it vibrantly. I grow tired of hearing the same words from different lips." I said without turning to face her.

"Then how about this. You are more boring than brick, perhaps even as flat-chested as one." she essentially hissed.

"It was a good attempt, but I'm afraid I am not as dependent on my body as you are. Unlike you, I have the capability to think."

"Bitch."

"Vulgar terms already?"

"I want you to understand. Sesshomaru and I were promised to each other when we were still pups. You are a hindrance." She told me as she followed behind me.

"I want you to understand; if your promise to Sesshomaru was to be taken seriously, I would not be here."

I could feel her glare trying to faze me. "You do not matter. The first is usually left to rot in isolation. You will just end up like that bitter mother of his."

I felt beast growl as my patience ran out. I turned to face the smirking slut and raised my hand to give a bitch slap, but my hand was stolen away. Her smirk disappeared as I was pulled away from her.

"Why did you stop me?" I asked the familiar hand.

"You were going to strike her." He responded as he led me inside the manor.

"And?" I asked as we stopped in an isolated spot.

"I would like to avoid war."

"**At the cost of having your mating and mother insulted? She only stands up for you."**

"What do you wish to prove by such acts?"

"**What did you wish to prove by killing those two snow spawn? Is this not worse? She has come to your land, and insulted not only her but her mating. Why do you choose to apprehend her and not that troublemaking whore?"**

"Her jabs will produce nothing."

"**Do you lack the instinct to destroy that which threatens anything you hold dearly, or do you have a soft spot for that girl?"**

"Her father is a valuable ally."

"**And Kazumi is not?"**

"Your fidelity is assured."

"… **Do not stretch her loyalty. It will only confuse her. Regardless of her love for you, relying on it without returning it will destroy her."**

"She knows I will not betray her."

"**She may know that, but do you believe I would be speaking with you if this did not affect her in some way?"**

"She will leave soon enough."

"**This is not the first time you sided against her."**

"You overreact."

"**I am warning you. She is fragile, no matter how strong she makes herself seem. Too many pushes will send her off the edge."**

"I know this."

"**Then act like it."**

"Kazumi." He called softly.

I didn't respond. I let go of his hands and walked away. I don't to prove anything to that homewrecker.

I went back into the manner and went to the room that used to be mine with a stack of blank sheets of paper, a quill, and an ink jar. I set the materials on the table at the foot of the bed and took my time thinking about what I was to write. A short story appealed to me the most. I used a piece of the thick slabs of paper to jot down characters, their appearances, archetype, etc., the plot, setting, messages, all the necessities, in English of course. I didn't want someone stumbling upon my work and reading it while it was a work in progress. I won't get into details, but because of the fact that the majority of my first choice plots and settings were out of the question, I ended up having little to choose from. Everything would seem too outlandish and surreal, so I went with something new. My main character would be a human lieutenant whose strategies bring his country victory during a war and how he rises in ranks to become his lord's well trusted advisor. I could make it a tragedy, but I wanted to make my first one have a happy ending. Hopefully, I could keep the short story short, but I know myself too well. I would probably write a borderline novel. Regardless, I set down to work and didn't get up until my introduction chapter was done. It was pretty well written, if I do say so myself, much better than majority of the books Rin had to read. Though I gave it my best shot, I couldn't change my writing style. It's not like changing clothes. But I like my writing style, devoid of over explanation, but not empty.

After putting away my materials, I headed off to bed. It had been a long day, and I was more than happy to crash. It took me a few minutes to walk there, but once I was in my bedroom, I got out of my kimono and decided to sleep in its inner layer. I lied down in the bed and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes to let them rest, but when I opened them, they were met by complete darkness. From the fact that two possessive arms weren't wrapped around me, I could assume that Sesshomaru wasn't here. The fact that I was still laying on the covers of the bed told me that he hadn't been in the room at all. Then again, it's still winter, isn't it? It could have only been ten minutes between when I'd fallen asleep and now. I got ready to not wake up until morning, and found that I completed my goal easily. I didn't wake up again until rays of sunshine shone through the balcony windows. I could see my hair sticking up like a lion's mane.

Without a doubt, that was the best sleep I've had in months. I started to wonder if sleeping by myself was really that bad. By the time the loneliness settled in, I was certain that sleep wasn't worth it. Everything seemed colder without that mokomoko of his. I was never enough to warm up a twin sized bed, how much more could I warm up a king sized one? It was dismal, sitting in the middle of that bed. Where was he? Was he so busy that he couldn't come to bed? No. He was just being polite. He probably walked in while I was sleeping and decided to let me sleep. I haven't gotten a legit, not injury induced, good night's sleep in a while. And since I wasn't expected to be up and moving yesterday, for all I know, I could be over exerting myself.

I got out of bed, standing up and stretching the sleep out of my body. Giving a sigh, I shook my head to get rid of the headache that accompanied my immediate contemplation. It's never a good idea to do anything right after waking up. It takes time for the body to wake up. After almost blacking out, I stumbled over to the bathroom. Once I was clean and dressed, I felt prepared to take on another day. Hopefully, I wouldn't have too much to take on. There are lots of things that can go wrong, and I would prefer to do nothing than to have to deal with people and things.

I walked back to the bedroom to see if I left anything, even though I was sure I didn't. Regardless, I went into the room and checked the covers, and found that one of my hair ties had slipped out of my hair.

"Well that explains the lion's mane this morning." I told myself as I tied my hair up in a ponytail. "At least dealing with wet hair won't be as bad now."

While I was remaking the bed, the air was filled with moisture along with Sesshomaru's diluted scent.

"Good morning." I told him without turning away from my work.

He gave me his regular "Hn" reply.

"Well, I'll assume last night was busy, so try to get some sleep before you head off to doing you lordship work." I said just as I was about to finish fixing the bed.

"Leave that to the maids." He said as he held my hands and nuzzled me from behind.

"I'm almost done."

"Then shall we undo your work?"

I took my hands away from him and turned to face him. "No." Him wearing nothing but a towel around his waist didn't make denying him any easier. "And I wouldn't mind if you put on some clothes."

"I did not intend to leave you to sleep by yourself." He told me as he went to put on something.

"You mean you didn't intend to let me sleep last night." I replied as I turned my back to him, not wanting to watch him change.

"Perhaps."

I let out a sigh as I sat on the bed. "I assumed as much. You must have a lot of work to do considering the fact we came back from that ice village later than intended."

He didn't reply.

"Well, I should be off." I stated.

"Stay."

"Sesshomaru."

"Did you not request that I sleep?"

"What of it?"

"There is no reason for me to sleep if you are not here."

"I believe your maintaining your health is a valid reason."

He stared at me.

"You're kidding."

His silence told me otherwise.

I let out a sigh of defeat as I fell back onto the bed. Not long after, Sesshomaru was holding me. I can't lie and say I didn't miss his embrace. Seeing him breathe so softly comforted me. The type of calm that he held was one I hadn't seen before, probably because I always fall asleep before he does. It seemed less guarded and dulled compare to his usual stoic features. For once, he seemed to leave everything in his mind behind to actually relax. It didn't seem like he was going to wake up any time soon. When his grip on me loosened, I was surprised to find out that he actually wasn't going to wake up any time soon. He was sleeping, not napping, sleeping. His body fell into a steady rhythm as his heart slowed and his breathing got deeper… he was asleep. Was he that tired? My instinct was to return the favor, and hold him as he held me whenever I slept. I pulled myself closer to him and positioned myself so his head would sit on my chest.

I don't know if he was kidding when he said he wouldn't be able to sleep without me, not that it mattered. He was sleeping for once. The idiot, just because he doesn't have to sleep often doesn't me he shouldn't. After laying there, completely inactive, for a while, I eventually dozed off as well.


	27. Calm before the Storm

When I woke up, the sun was still shining through windows and doors my rest. As I moved to stretch out my stiff limbs, I realized that two arms were still loosely wrapped around me. His breaths were light and comforting, forgetting that there was a world beyond our bed. I didn't know when he planned to wake up, but I was fine with letting him hold me like this, even if it was for the entire day. This is something only I will experience. For once, I was watching over him as he slept. It still surprised me.

I ran my hand through his hair, unraveling the soft strands from each other before cupping his cheek, and gazing at him for a while longer. I gave him a small peck on his forehead and held him closely.

"How tired are you, Sesshomaru? Have you not been sleeping? You know, even you need sleep… You're not indestructible, though you're a lot less destructible than I am… A lot colder too, or at least you like to act that way. I know you better than that, at least I hope I do. No, I'm sure I do. But it's nice to have a reminder that there's a heart beneath those icy eyes of yours, and that that heart beats for me."

It is a nasty knack of mine to speak out loud whenever I feel comfortable with my surroundings. The filter that processes my thoughts and approves them falls off and lets my mind run wild. Needless to say, there are some things that belong in my mind, and are never to be said. Knowing this, I dismissed my aside as a sign of progress. I wasn't scared that I would say something that wouldn't float well with Sesshomaru. I trusted that even the dark recesses of my mind, the most primal and primordial part of me couldn't think of anything that would ever insult him.

I listened to Sesshomaru's breathing, finding solace in the steady expansion and contraction in his chest. The slightest lack of attention would lose all traces of breath. What am I becoming, where listening to his breath alone is more than enough to quell me? It is fine for now, so long as I don't get obsessively clingy.

I let a sigh run through my body as I moved my hands away from him. When I found that I didn't have the will power to do so, I let my fingertips trace around his back until they would run out of skin to touch. Just as my hands were going to fall off of him, his hands stopped me. It gave my heart something to laugh about after jumping as fast as it did. I broke that fragile form of sleep Sesshomaru induced himself into. He laid there for a moment before intertwining his fingers with mine and stealing a kiss from me.

"I want to eat you." He admitted as he sat up.

"That wouldn't do you much good." I replied, ignoring the sexual connotation of his statement.

"Will you not allow me another taste?" He asked as he brought himself closer to me, trying to seduce me with his lips.

"You'd only want more." I replied. "Go back to sleep."

His eyes peered into mine, searching for anything they were willing to give. When he found nothing, he returned his focus to our embrace.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

"Hn."

"That's nice to hear." I replied.

He let go of my right hand and held my back as he nestled my neck. I started to run my free hand through his hair, but was interrupted by his nibbling on my neck. I took such a sharp inhale that a moan almost escaped my lips. I covered my mouth with my hand, hoping to catch myself before getting carried away by Sesshomaru's current. Sesshomaru unlocked our hands from each other, and tilted my head to revel more of my neck. His fingertips ran down my neck and shoulder before wrapping around my arm. When I felt his canines pierce my skin again, I yelped as my arms tried to reach out to push him off. Fortunately for him, he was able to keep me still as he sank his fangs deeper into my neck.

"Ow ow ow!" I said with tears in my eyes.

He gave me no reply. That made sense, seeing that he was too busy marking me again. For what reason? I have no clue. If anything, I should be the one marking him… Since he's getting all territorial and possessive, don't I have the right to as well? Shouldn't I be able to do something about an unwanted visitor? What would InuKimi do? Well, she'd kill them. Unfortunately, I can't support threats like that.

**You could if you really tried. [I]**

'I'd just embarrass myself.' [Me]

**Anyone with that attitude would. [I]**

_Well, you've trained for a while. I'm sure you've improved somewhere. [Myself]_

'…' [Me]

"You have gone silent."

"I don't know if I'm good enough."

**Shit! [I]**

'What? I'm just being honest."

_You keep saying stuff out loud! [Myself]_

'… Shit."

"What brings these thoughts to you?" Sesshomaru asked as his grip tightened.

How was I supposed to answer that? 'I don't think I'm strong enough to conquer my enemies?' … That's actually not a bad answer. "I don't think I'm strong enough to conquer my enemies." I replied.

"That does not answer my question." He said.

"Technically…"

He stared into my eyes, scrambling any and all thought processing that went on in my head.

I locked up. Incomprehensible sounds came from my mind instead of words. His gaze cut the line that connected my mouth to my brain. My muscles tightened as even breathing became complicated.

"What enemies do you have that are not my own?" He asked with softening eyes. "What bothers you?"

After being arrested like that, it took a few breaths to collect myself. Even after I did so, I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to hear his response.

"Will you not answer?"

"I should be going."

"Why?"

"…I said you couldn't have a taste, so this is your punishment." I said to avoid the question.

"Kazumi."

"You're done right? So I'll be on my way." I pushed as I fled from his hold. "Rin and I plan to go into town tomorrow, so please don't worry about us."

"Where are you going?"

"… I will be in what used to be my room."

I gave a small bow before leaving the room. Once I was out of Sesshomaru's sight, I let out a sigh as my hand clasped over my neck. It was sore, to say the least. He marked me again, but why? Who does he have to prove it to? Not that it matters. I needed to get it off of my mind. Thinking about it any longer would just complicate the situation, and make it worse than it probably is. My hands pushed me off of the door, persuading me to stop blocking it. I was a bit reluctant to let my hand leave the nape of my neck, but the mark became a distant memory after a few minutes. The maids quickly averted my attention by requesting that I helped with the flower selection, seeing that the ones throughout the manor now were withering.

I hadn't been to my lessons in such a long time that I forgot that I knew how to arrange flowers. Invoking my memories of those lessons brought a smile to my face. It was tedious work, but the outcome was worthwhile, so long as it was done correctly. The longer time spent, the more accurate the cuts were, the well planned placement, the gentler the hand, the keener the eye to color contrast, the more the beauty of each flower radiates. That is the art of flower arrangement. It's not just putting together what looks well; it's a process of trial and error until the each flower is placed in a spot that not only enhances its own beauty, but also complements the beauty of those that surround it. Teach hammered that into my mind. At this point, I could recite her words without a hitch. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she still with her granddaughter? I would have to ask about her. I've been so caught up in events that I've forgotten about her. I wouldn't tell her that, of course. Nor would I tell her about the blunders I've made while she's been absent. One thing's for sure, I do not miss that ruler of hers.

I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips or the memories that leaked out of their long forgotten seal. My mind wandered farther back, to the days when I first met Sesshomaru in person. Every second was engrained in my memory. The way his hair drifted in the wind, and how his arm seemed to flex as he pulled Tokijin out of the ground in a way similar to King Authur… Though the time I spent with him after that event wasn't the best, it certainly wasn't the worst I've been through. The worst I've been through? Well, I don't remember. Why would I want to remember? Well, that time that I got a hole in my chest was pretty bad. And there was that time that I almost drowned. Ha, worst period ever.

I still remember Sesshomaru's reactions to both situations. He really wanted to kill InuYasha when he found out that I got hurt. The rest of his reaction brought a blush to my face. He didn't hesitate to smother me when I defended InuYasha, saying that it was my fault. And with the drowning incident, he held me so tightly that thinking about it made where his hands held me that day burn as though he was holding me now. My face burned even brighter as I thought about how he sat me on his lap, even though I was…

"Ahhh." I said as my hands reached to cover my cheeks.

I turned away from the vase I was working on, trying to push the moment back to the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about it.

"My Lady, are you okay?" a maid asked as she approached me.

"I-I am fine." I said with a smile. "My thoughts carried me away again."

"My Lady, I had no idea that you were so good at flower arrangement."

I turned back around to look at what I had managed to do while reminiscing, expecting to see that the maid was just being nice. I was pretty surprised to find that the vase was much fuller than I remember it being when I turned around. I don't even remember picking up so many flowers. The bouquet was filled with white, gold, violets, and reds. I never would have thought that the red would work with such a deep shade of purple, but it did.

"Huh. I wonder when that happened." I commented as I decided to put the flower I had in my hand in the bouquet.

I looked over the vase again. Those memories, regardless of how embarrassing some of them were, they are irreplaceable. I don't ever want to forget a single one of them. I love being able to remember them, and to reflect on them, and still be able to react to them.

I reached out to adjust the petals of a flower that was drooping, only to see that my hand was bleeding.

"Well, when did this happen?" I asked myself.

I pulled my hand back, looking to find where my blood was leaking from. I know I can be inattentive and daze off sometimes, but I can't stop myself from wondering how I could miss the three inch long cut that ran down my index finger that blood was gushing out of in an attempt to clot. Before anyone could say something about the cut, I went to wash my hands, and got it bandaged by the manor's doctor. By the time I returned to the flower arranging workshop, the flower filled vases were being put around the estate. Since mine was nowhere in sight, I assumed it was one of the first ones to move out. I would have asked where It was placed, but decided to not disturb the maids as they dispersed throughout the castle with their newly created decorations.

I returned to my old room, and recovered my writing materials. I would change my pace today. I wanted to write in the library, so I wrote a note saying that explained my change in location, in case Sesshomaru looks for me blindly.

I packed my materials and traversed across the manor to reach the library. If I worked hard enough, I could finish the novella in two days. I could take a third day to edit, and then one more day to rewrite. I just had to remember to not force anything. When ideas are forced, they tend to turn out horribly.

As I walked, I hummed _Enamel_, by Sid. It took every fiber in my body to not head bang to the song. It's easy for me to remember the days I spent in my room dancing like an idiot to this song. Oh, those were the days. Well, they weren't that long ago… but I'll miss listening to songs. I guess that means I'll have to do make my own. I think this as though crafting music is easy. But I guess I could try to learn how to play something. That'll be a great way to spend my time. What could I get? I always wanted to learn how to play the erhu…

"Oh, what a surprise! My lady, I was not expecting to run into you." A pesky voice said with sarcastic excitement.

"It is a shame." I sighed. "I hoped to stay focused on relevant things today." I told myself.

"I am more relevant than anything you do today."

I wonder if I can have honey with my tea. Maybe that's asking for too much. Bees don't play around with their honey.

"Are you trying to ignore me? Do not tell me that you are all bark and no bite." The girl said as she tried to follow me.

I turned to face her faster than she could stop herself from stepping toward me.

"You are Sesshomaru's guest. I suggest you return to him." I replied.

"Are you too scared to fend me off?"

I closed my eyes, letting the anger beast and I had pent up toward the pest grow behind my eyelids before staring her down like an angered bear would gaze at any opponent that dared to come next to its cubs. No glare or growl came from my body. My lack of amusement and abundance of irritation seeped into the air along with hostility I didn't even know I bore. I looked into her eyes and watched her ego hide from my gaze. The witch got my message and backed away. I didn't care if she backed away consciously or unconsciously. She understood that I was not playing her game.

I took my gaze away from her as I turned back around to finish my walk to the library.

"I wonder who taught you that trick!" She said, unwilling to accept defeat.

I chuckled softly to myself as the hot headed demoness threw a tantrum because of my unwillingness to acknowledge her further. When I got to the library, I sat down and didn't get up until I could hear the soft pattering of rain outside. Hours had passed by then, and the cool and moist air that preceded the drizzle had placed me in such an inspired mood that another chapter was knocked out of the park. I went ahead and packed my stuff before leaving it under a shelf with other books. I didn't want to take the chance of the moisture sticking to the paper and ink and smearing the hours' worth of work the I'd just completed.

The distant rolling thunder lured me toward a window as I left the library, looking for a change of scenery. Clouds loomed over the horizon, casting everything under a dark gray light. The soft bass that accompanied the crackling lightning yanked at my soul. It sent an unexplained shiver down my back. I watched the clouds roll by with a new type of laziness. It would be a bad thunderstorm. I tore my gaze away from the tempest that was on its way. At this point, I just wanted to move around. My feet fell asleep while I was writing. That should be more than enough of a reason to walk around.

I watched silently as halls darkened while rain poured harder. Thunder never followed too far behind. It seemed that the storm would pass right over the manor. I never did enjoy being in the middle of a storm like this. Thunder was too loud, lightning was too bright. I had no problem with the rain, but thunder was unnerving when it was close. I never liked loud sounds. I found my feet quickening their pace as they tried to get me somewhere I would feel comfortable enough to sit and calm down. It wasn't until I ran into an end table and almost knocked over the sculpture stood on the table that I stopped to look at where I was running away to. I turned around and ran my hand through my hair before taking a deep breath. Do I really want to deal with the situation I am about to create? I don't think I have the energy to.

A hesitant hand met my waist as I weighed my options. I was rushing here for a reason, but I'm not really that scared of lightning. I'm no child. I shouldn't let thunder do anything more than make me jump. Plus, Sesshomaru is **my **husband. I can go to him whenever I want. But in this specific moment, I chose to not bother him. I'll be fine. There's no point in being in a relationship if I don't trust him. My hands fiddled with the sculpture I had knocked over before heading off to check on how things were running in the manor. My steps came to a halt as I heard footsteps charging toward me. I watched as Rin ran full speed into me, almost knocking me down. I managed to balance myself before placing my arms around the child as she held onto me tightly.

"Kazumi-san, I'm scared." She said with a trembling voice.


	28. Losing Control

"There's nothing to be scared of." I said as I smoothed over her hair. "It's just a thunder storm."

"Kazumi-san, its scarring me." She said as she hid her face in my kimono.

"Kazumi." I heard Sesshomaru call.

I turned around in time to see our uninvited guest throw her arms around Sesshomaru as she draped herself on him. Rin started to remover her face from my stomach, believing that her eyes would meet Sesshomaru knight-like form. I stared at the situation for a minute as time slowed down. Why wasn't he pushing her off? Why was he letting her do this in front of me? My eyes caught hold of the demoness' murky gray eyes laugh at me. They poked fun at me, toying with one of the few things I found value in. She was spiting me, taunting me, testing me once again and for the briefest moment, I gave in. I lost it. Everything was tinted red as I was pulled away from everything. I felt like everything that rode on my chest was lifted off in the mere seconds I lost my grip. Rin disappeared from my touch and mind as everything started to go numb. I felt conscious, yet unaware as beast growled with a ferocity that sent chills down my back. I had no idea what was happening, and I didn't care to find out. Before I could be forced away from the reigns that controlled my body, a blinding lightning strike made me recoil back to the driver's seat. I pulled Rin's head into my chest as I crouched down to cover her ears from the deafening blast that tore through the sky. It left my ears ringing, and my body shivering. I felt like my entire soul had been relentlessly questioned on its existence and its core beliefs. I wanted to slump over Rin and rely on her more than ever, but I knew she needed me to be strong. Her clenched grip on my arms forced me to stand, covering the sight I endured with my kimono.

I watched my hand's tumult as I tried to control the expressions that rose to my face. I patted Rin's head as I hid everything from her sight, including my distraught form. I opened my mouth to speak to her, but found that no words would leave. I cleared my throat of anxiety before trying again.

"Let's go Rin." I said as I led her away.

I ignored anything Sesshomaru had to say, turning the corner without daring to look back. I didn't have the strength to.

"Kazumi-san, Sesshomaru-sama- is"

I felt my heart hardening toward him, and felt it carry over to face. "It's fine. I want to make sure you aren't scared anymore. Let's go to your room."

"But Kazumi-san, I don't want to go back to my room! I'll just end up falling asleep."

"Then do you want to go to my room?"

"Sesshomaru-sama does not allow me in his room…"

I said nothing as I let her out of my hold and took her hand with a small smile instead. I led her to my room, and closed the door behind us. She sat on the bed as I threw away the untouched note I left on the table earlier in the day.

"What is it that you fret about?" I asked Rin as I sat next to her.

She pulled her knees onto the bed and held my cheeks as she stared into my eyes. "Something is wrong. I felt it in the thunder."

"Rin, you're being superstitious again." I said as I took her hands off of me.

"Kazumi-san, you seem stressed." She stated as she laid her head in my lap. "If something is wrong, please tell me."

I was quiet as I weaved my hand through her web like hair.

"I'm not a baby anymore."

"Yet you are not an adult." I added.

"Please tell me!"

"…I don't even understand it myself." I said as I shook my head with clouded vision. "I don't even understand." I repeated.

"Kazumi-san? Are you hurt?" She asked as she sat up.

I fell silent again as I wiped away my tears. "I… I just need to compose myself." I admitted.

Rin threw her arms around me, holding me tightly. "Don't cry, Kazumi-san. Please don't cry."

"I'm just overreacting." I stated. "It's no big deal."

"Kazumi-san, if there's anything you want to say…"

A roll of thunder interrupted our conversation, sending Rin flying into my arms with a small squeak.

I let out a small laugh as I held onto the precious girl.

"I'm serious! I want to help you too, Kazumi-san." She huffed from my chest.

"You've helped so much more than you think you have." I informed her with a sigh. "I wouldn't trade you for the world."

We sat there for a while before going to bed. Neither of us fell asleep immediately, but the silence eventually lulled Rin into sleep. I did not have as much luck. I was stuck playing with my hair as the voices within my head seemed to unmute themselves.

**I'm telling you! Your foot is the size of your forearm! [I]**

_I won't be fooled by you again! [Myself]_

**I'm serious this time! [I]**

_Of COURSE you are! Last time you said that I ended up looking like an idiot! [Myself]_

**Try it out, and you'll see! [I]**

_Yeah right. You'll just end up pushing me or something. [Myself]_

**Then sit down and do it, you idiot. [I]**

'Now I remember why I stopped listening to you guys.' [Me]

_You never stop listening to us, it just an unconscious thing. When we're not the focus, we blur into the background and still help run things. [Myself]_

**Can you tell this idiot that your foot is as long as your forearm? [I]**

'Be nice, and it's true.' [Me]

**I TOLD YOU! [I]**

_Whatever. So what brings you to this part of town? [Myself]_

'Nothing really. I couldn't sleep is all.' [Me]

**I doubt that. [I]**

'Is Beast around?' [Me]

_She went off somewhere. She looked really pissed when she came back, do you know what's up with her? [Myself]_

**You'd think we'd know since we're all the same person. [I]**

_You must be in some serious self-denial about something. [Myself]_

'Shut up.' [Me]

**Whoa there, no need to be so hostile. [I]**

'_You're going to kill yourself.'[Beast]_

'No need for snarling,' [Me]

'_Give up on him. Let him feel your pain.' [Beast]_

'That's extreme.' [Me]

'_Kill or be killed.' [Beast]_

'We're overreacting.' [Me]

'_YOU'RE underreacting. I would have fought him over this by now.'[Myself]_

'Have some faith.' [Me]

'_Faith? He should know better to be alone with any woman but you. You have the right to be angry!' [Beast]_

'That mentality destroys marriages.' [Me]

'_If it were you, he'd have none of it.' [Beast]_

'…' [Me]

'_Have some backbone! Give him the cold shoulder! Show him that you won't tolerate it!' [Beast]_

'I don't need you jumping to conclusions. And you assaulting my self-esteem isn't helping either.' [Me]

'_If you had just let me deal with that bitch! I would have ripped off her head!' [Beast]_

'I know. I must have felt the same way.' [Me]

'… _Don't kill yourself with grief. You're one to do that.'[Beast]_

I woke up to Rin smiling at me.

"Good morning, Kazumi-san." She said.

"Good morning, Rin." I said as I stretched

"Is there anything you want to do today?" She asked me as I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"What are you talking about? We're going into town today. That's what you wanted."

She was a silent as the cogs in her brain went to work.

"If you are not feeling well, we can always go at a later date."

"That's not happening. We're going today. I could use some one-on-one time with my butterfly." I said as I ruffled her hair.

"Are you sure?" Rin asked.

"Of course! Go get dressed and we'll be off."

After a moment of contemplation, she gave in and scurried off to get dressed. I hopped out of bed and changed out of my nightgown and into a new kimono. I'd chosen a rather simplistic one, pure white with a red obi. I tied my hair into a ponytail only to take it down and let fan out around me. This way, the mark on my neck would be hidden. The world's a dangerous place. I didn't want someone to recognize who I was and then try to carry me away, or, at least, that as the excuse I would use. My fingers ran over the mark, sending and unfamiliar shock through my spine. I let my hand cover the mark as I tried to interpret the shock, but gave up when Rin returned to the room in a green kimono with leaves hidden within its fabric. She led the way out as I followed, a short distance behind her. She walked around a corner with her quickened pace, but I preferred to take my time. We had an entire day to fill. Pacing my energy now would give me more than enough energy to carry whatever we bought as a worn out Rin made her way back to the manor. When I reached the corner and my eyes connected with amber orbs, I made no hesitation to tear my gaze away and continue without pause. Beast's advice wasn't all bad. I wouldn't indulge him in anything. He'd have to fight to get anything from me, including my attenetion.

"Kazumi, I will speak with you once you return."

"Hn." I replied as I walked past him.

It was his arm that brought me to a halt. He wrapped me in his embrace in before whispering to me.

"You did not come to bed last night."

I looked him in the eyes before responding. "I was returning the favor."

I didn't have the courage to push him away, but I did unravel myself from his hold as Rin called for me to hurry.

It was a short walk as we transitioned from the manor to the town. Once we got to the market, we looked around, eyeing different vendor stalls. I was prepared to buy whatever Rin wanted, but she didn't ask for much. We got some food and a couple of accessories, and that was about it. However, the small talk we had throughout our day in town as unforgettable. I knew Rin had a good sense of humor, but I didn't realize how much it had matured. She was definitely growing into a wonderful woman. When I mentioned Bunny-chan, her face glowed a red brighter than Christmas lights. We stopped here and there, looking at different tailors. Maybe we would get new kimonos. We don't have many simple kimonos. It would be nice to add one more to the array of choices we have. When I asked what Rin thought about getting simpler kimonos, she shook her head, saying that she had more than enough, and that it didn't matter if the kimonos were extravagant or simple.

"Then what else do we get?" I asked her.

"Well… maybe I do want a new kimono…"

"Do you, or do you not?"

"I don't want to wait to be measured…"

"If you want one, it's best to get it done now."

The girl was quiet as she made up her mind. I looked through the available fabrics. I was glad that I had gotten Rin's mind to center around something other than me. I don't enjoy having people telling me that Sesshomaru would eventually leave me for someone else, and the last thing I want is someone putting that idea in Rin's head. Of course I don't believe them, but having that droned into my ears by several people didn't make me feel better, and the fact that someone was blatantly trying to make it happen... it's frustrating. I needed some time away from everything to cool my head. I couldn't be happier that Rin made this request.

I found some fabric with a beautiful magnolia pattern etched into it. I know I said I'd go simple, and compared to some of the stuff I've worn, this isn't off by a longshot. I turned and saw that Rin had picked out a peach colored roll of fabric for herself. We got our measurements taken and agreed on a date to pick up the clothing, all within twenty minutes, a personal best for me. After that, we went further down the street to a stand that was selling some books. Rin and I took a look through the selection. None of the books interested me, but Rin found one on herbs that interested her. With all the books she's read, I'm not too surprised about her interest in plants. As I paid for the book, which was really just a conglomerate of papers tied together with rope- Rin went looking for another one.

When the book was fully paid for, my ears twitched as I heard commotion behind me. My brows furrowed as a smell of tar, alcohol, sweat, and smoke wafted into my nose. My mood took a steep decline as beast burned my chest like acid. When I turned and faced the demon that smelled as though it hadn't bathed in months, I saw that it had its dirty hands on Rin. It's unnecessary to say, but that didn't help my mood.

"Let go of her." I commanded as calmly as my voice was going to get.

"Such a rare catch, a little human girl that can read! Who knows how much this one will make me."

This man messed with the wrong woman. He already had so much against him: I was in a less than delightful mood, he smelled like shit, and now I have to add the fact that he's a human trafficker. Oh, the hell I was about to unleash. No one was going to do anything to Rin. I was going to make that more than clear.

"I will not repeat myself." I said, feeling myself slip away.

"Don't worry, I'll get to you soon enough." the man laughed as he tilted his head toward me.

Three other men came from the shadows, each having no scent.

"You know what? This'll be great. Rin, close your eyes." I said as I conceded everything to beast.

"Rin? Oh, could it be the Lady of the West and the human brat that lives with her? There's no calling for your mate now. You should really watch what you ingest in these streets." The man whose smell offended me said. "You're just a glass figurine. You can't do anything to us without that dog of yours."

"**You insult me, and my mate?**" Beast asked as she cracked my knuckles before staring at the bastard holding Rin.

The man went quiet as he and his accomplices realized the gravity of the situation. Beast's gaze must have hinted at the fact that Sesshomaru wasn't going to be called upon. As if that wasn't enough, Beast spoke to make sure even the dumbest of the four understood what she meant.

"**You have assaulted me verbally, and threatened me physically. You will be lucky if I leave you on the doorstep of death instead of casting you into the furnace of hell.**"

I watched silently as beast let her presence be known. I've never seen beast fight while angry. I've never let her fight from the get-go and without interruption. Let's see how this goes.

"You've never fought a single battle! Do you think you can intimidate us?!" The wretch shouted, trying to give his cohorts morale.

"**Come at me then, if you are so sure.**" Beast scoffed.

There was a pause of silence as no one made a move.

"**Come on now, don't go around blasting that mouth of yours if you're not going to backup what you say.**" Beast condemned playfully.

"What are you waiting for? Get her!" The demon screamed.

One of the three who arrived at the scene later charged at me with a club and a battle cry, only to be silenced when beast caught his hand, disarmed it, and used it to send the blood curdling sound of cracking bone through the air. Screams followed the cracks shortly before being hushed by the thud of a body falling to the ground. A malevolent boot held the man's head to the ground in a way similar to how it held Jaken down years ago, but without a demon lord's gaze to stop her foot's insistent force.

"**Is that all?**" Beast questioned. "**I should have expected as much when no one rushed into the fight.**"

The man's screams came back as his chest was filled with air to use.

"Kazumi-san?" Rin called in a shaking voice.

"**Keep your eyes and ears closed, dear.**" Beast instructed as she moved her feet to the man's chest and started to imbed them into his ribs.

Beast watched with softened eyes as Rin nodded her head and covered her ears and shut her eyes tight. Once the child stopped moving, her eyes hardened as they stared into the perverted soul that held Rin captive. After kicking the man beneath her into an unfortunate stack of barrels, she turned toward her entire body and attention to the putrid smelling man. The domineering presence that hung over her shoulders assaulted the man's senses, muffling all of his senses except his sense of fear. When she stepped toward him, he immediately released Rin and backed away. Rin ran out of the battlefield and next to the bookstore vendor as Beast stepped into the midst of the three remaining men with a sweet smirk.


	29. Pandora's Box

The wrecking scent of iron was the first thing that assaulted me. As I moved to cover my nose, I noticed the blood that stained my fingers, and the sharp pain that came from my left arm. When I looked beyond my trembling fingers, I found four bodies. Their stillness was about to send me into cardiac arrest, but their silent groans assured me that Beast didn't actually kill them, though she came damn well near to doing that. I-I didn't think… she was serious. I could see bones poking through skin, bruises forming on faces, out of joint limbs hanging from bodies, blood running down open wounds.

I felt bile crawling up my throat as my mind desperately tried to force me to avert my gaze.

I couldn't.

I took in everything, forcing my eyes to etch every detail into my memory and preventing my brain from shutting down and letting my conscious go black. I refused to faint. I turned and walked away. It was all I could do. Doing anything else would have left me as a vulnerable mess. I had let beast go, believing that it would relieve me of my stress and give me a way to vent my frustration. Unfortunately, I vented more anger than I did stress. Just looking at the scene disgusted me. The disappointing truth is that It didn't make things better. Yes, Beast's rage was gone, but I would have preferred to deal with the acid-reflux like sting of Beast's wrath than to unleash it on others like that. They'd been beaten to a bloody pulp, and I'm sure it would have been worse if Sesshomaru hadn't shown up.

When I couldn't stare at the scene any longer, I turned away and started on my way back to the manor. I could feel the heat of eyes staring at me as I embarked on my return alone. I didn't get a moment of reprieve, even when inside the manor's gates. Inquisitive eyes burned through me and my blood smudged clothes. Feeling that the comfort of my bed was not far away, my tears started to burn my eyes as my cheeks burned as bright as the blood seeping from the wound I was trying to hold shut. As I borderline jogged through halls to get to my room, I ignored everyone, but couldn't block out the root of the burdens I've had for the past two or three days. I heard her insults, I heard her taunts, and I was sick of it. My filter had already been blasted down by the gruesome scene ingrained in my mind and her remarks didn't make anything better. I've been through too much, and decided that too much had been destroyed to salvage. I stopped my fast paced steps as the chaos within my warring mind set off a nuke on the little strain of restraint that I had. I made it this far with so few silvers, but everything collapsed on me in an instant.

"Say it again, this time to my face." I demanded as I approached her, unable to control the jolts of energy that ran through my body, making it impossible to keep myself still.

I watched her step away with unwavering eyes.

"I've dealt with the shit that comes from your mouth for too long." I started with a tearful smile. "It's about time I slaughter the pig and feed the bacon to the hungry."

The joy that ran through my heart when I felt her hand run across my cheek, when I saw those eyes that were concerned with no one but the person they belonged to, filled me with euphoria as I soon found that those eyes were gone. I tilted my head down to see the frame I had slapped to the ground. I wouldn't let her understand what just happened or what was going to happen. I watched as blood soaked fingers caked to her throat, forcing her up before slamming her head through a wall. I listened to her struggled breaths as she tried to clear her head of pain and her lungs of dust and watched with listless eyes as she slowed her movements. When her breathing evened out, I pulled her out of the wall, and held her above the ground. I watched without a word as she scratched at my hands, fighting for breath as my fingers tightened to squeeze the life out of her. I wanted to hear a neck break and watch a head roll loosely once the life that supports it is siphoned away. I wanted to shut her mouth, once and for all. I wouldn't let her hurt me again. If she was too stupid to understand words, I would let her understand the pain she was causing me. I would let her see the madness that was enveloping my mind. I would let her feel death's cold hand as it hushes her very being. I will let her understand what rampaged my heart.

I watched her hands stop their pathetic struggle as her breathing became faint, letting her ears get accustomed to how silence sounded. Unfortunately, the image of the carnage I left behind in the market prompted me to not sully my hands further. I threw her away, breaking a table in the process. I walked toward her, not feeling a sliver of remorse. I watched her as she struggled to get to her feet before turning my back to her.

"Is that all you have?" she asked, desperately gagging for air.

I turned around with calmness that scared even me, though I wouldn't realize it until the moment had passed. I walked back to the cowering sewer rat and started to wrap both of my hands around that furry neck of hers when I was pulled away. Before I knew it, everything within me exploded. I was screaming, reaching for her, even if I could just grab her hair, I would have taken it and ripped it out of that atrocious skull of hers, but Sesshomaru defended her again. He wrapped his arm around my waist and held me back as I lost control of everything. I would rip that head off of those crude shoulders. I don't care about the mental toll it would have later. It's a kill or be killed world, and I would rather destroy myself than allow for this bitch to do it for me. I was less than a foot away from getting my hands on her when he pulled me farther back. I was more than annoyed with his constant interfering and made no hesitation to turn against him when I freed myself from his grip. I pushed him away from me and watched his eyes were tell me stop my rampage, and return to his embrace. I was barely able to refrain from spitting in his face like he had just done to me. I don't know where he's been living for the entirety of his life, but it definitely wasn't on this Earth.

"I'll calm down when you stop playing with other women." I spat.

"If you cannot satisfy your mate, then he deserves a better one."

"Unless you want me to rip out your tongue and shove it down your throat," I started as my gaze whipped back in her direction, dangerously narrowed, "you should shut your fucking mouth." I advised. "And if that doesn't manage to get you to shut that asshole of yours, I"ll break every bone in your body so that your screams will destroy your throat, and then I'll rip out your bloody vocal chords!"

I started to step toward her only to have Sesshomaru pull my wounded arm and hold it behind my back. He pinned me to the ground when he saw that putting stress to my injury wasn't enough to deter footsteps.

I let the words roar from my mouth. "I'LL KILL HER!"

"You will do no such thing."

"Oh? I forgot about being diplomatic." I mocked. "I'll be sure to be more than kind to our next guest."

He held my face before asking, "Who hit you?"

"Do you really have to ask?" I snapped. "Why don't you try to find that out for yourself?"

"Kazumi." He called.

I ignored him as my attention focused on the bitch that was cowering in a corner. "I wouldn't mind putting my foot in her rib cage. If I'm lucky enough, I'll kick that festering of hers out of her body. But I much prefer the thought of ripping out her throat. It's the most vulnerable place on the body. It'll be much easier to aim there than to aim for the heart. It must be a lot more painful too, suffocating on her own blood or drowning in it, it all depends on which happens first. I wouldn't mind carving her heart out after her lungs shrivel to nothing or bloat with blood!"

I pushed Sesshomaru off, and went for the despicable excuse for a woman again. Though he pulled me away again, I sent my glare through her soul like a bullet and let my growl flood out of the halls and into the open air outside. Like the rat she is, she scurried out of the way of my furry, hoping to keep her life. I would have grabbed her by the tail and made her pay for the pain she caused me, but I was too busy fighting off Sesshomaru. He had my arms locked behind me as I tried to pull myself away from him. My heels dug into the ground as I twisted wherever I could, ready to dislocate my arms, to find some way to slip out of his grasp, but he pulled me back into his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I should have strangled her when I had the chance!" I screamed at myself as I fought to tear away from him.

"You do not mean what you say." He said, watching me become more frustrated as he brought me even closer to his person.

"How would you know?!" I snarled as I fought even harder. "Let me go, let me go and find out if I'm mean it or not!"

"Do not chase her."

"Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I mangle her, tear her to shreds?!" I yelled, destroying my voice.

"You will regret it."

"Regret it? I've made too many mistakes to let the possibility of regretting something stop me now." I said with a chuckle as I gave one last pull in hope of escape.

"Do not let your anger cloud your mind."

"In this context, I'd prefer an active, angered mind than an inactive, leveled one. An angered mind wouldn't let anyone insult them."

"Then focus your anger on me." He said as he sat me down and attempted to look at my arm.

I tore myself out of his hands, refusing to allow those deceivingly soft hands to touch me further. However, he pulled me back toward him, smacking me into his chest before I fell into his lap. He locked me in place and interlocked his fingers with mine as he held out my left arm to examine where I was wounded. His heat on my back, the touch of his fingers on mine, his silent embrace, I fell quiet. For a fleeting moment, I believed that everything was fine. Unfortunately, I wouldn't let myself be naïve. I pulled away from him again with a calmer face and a stiffening heart.

I stood up and looked away before responding. "That's a selfish thing for you to say."

I tried to leave him there, to be alone, but he followed me like a lost puppy. Nothing was said as he walked behind me. At least he was smart enough to give me some space. The halls were free of others. My loss of temper must have scared them away. Honestly, I was starting to scare myself with all the stunts I was pulling off. And back there… I've never been that angry in my life. In that moment, I saw nothing wrong with killing her, and still didn't. Without a doubt, I would have killed her if Sesshomaru hadn't stepped in, and I was having trouble opposing the action. The moment was too intense and leaking into the after moments, and I was far spent. However, if I came across her again, I would ignore my weariness and act again, and I wouldn't fight it. She deserved to die, that homewrecker.

I had to shake the thoughts out of my head. I am not God, and have no right to harm anyone. With thoughts like those, hell would break loose on the little sanity I had. Who knows what I would have done if I actually did kill her? Though I hate to admit it, Sesshomaru was right. The heat of the moment changed my thoughts and values. The fact that he was right made me want to steer clear of him even more.

When I finally got to my room, I turned to close the door in his face, but couldn't find the strength to shut him out. I spent it all on that woman, and was tired of fighting, but Beast told me to give him the cold shoulder, and I would at least try, even in my weariness. I slowly closed the door, stopping for a minute to look into his eyes. I love those unforgiving eyes, the eyes that bore through me in hope of finding who to attack. He opened the door slightly and pulled me back into his embrace and away from the room, making it even harder for me to separate myself from him. I couldn't stop my arms from holding onto him before awkwardly letting go. I left him and closed the door behind me. I stood by the door, unwilling to leave Sesshomaru behind it. I stared at his silhouette, as tears came back to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I forced myself away from the door to sit at my kotatsu. My tears stained the wood before I curled over and sobbed into my hands. The day started off so well, and went to shit so fast.

When I ran out of tears to cry, I realized that my arm had crusted over, and needed attention. I sat at the kotatsu, holding the wound with rehydrated blood smeared on my hands. I didn't want to get up. My legs were tired, my arms: sore; my heart threatened to burst, on the brink of failure. I fought against the thoughts that told me to stay in the confines of my room and shakily stood up. I walked to my door silently and paused before opening the door. I knew he was still out there, waiting for me to return to his hold. It was tempting beyond my belief, but the call within me to stand independently kept me away. I opened my door and found myself looking into his eyes again. His hand reached out and held my blood stained cheeks. I averted my gaze and led his worried hand away, knowing that I'd break if I didn't. He followed me to the infirmary at a much closer distance than before. He knew I was wavering, and was hoping to break my resolve. His hand pecked at mine, holding it for moments at a time, trying to lure me back to him. He made sure I was okay with every step closer he took. If the infirmary was ten seconds farther away than it was, I would have given in to his questioning hand.

I said nothing as I stepped into the white room. When the medic saw me, she gave no question. She had me bathed and dressed in clean clothes before working on my arm. Sesshomaru stood against the wall, waiting for me, refusing to let me out of his sight if he could. I took the chance of peeking at him and saw him staring at me. My gaze fell off of him before I turned back to my arm. I don't know what happened, but something left around an inch deep cut running down my arm. It clotted shut on its own, but my bath washed the crusted blood out of the abrasion along with the blood that was caked in my fingers and dried on my skin. As the aged woman tried to disinfect my arm, I had to keep myself from fleeing twice. Unfortunately, the disinfectant of this day wasn't as kind as the one back in Sweet Ol' Georgia. Everything's sweeter in Georgia, a sweetness I miss dearly. It felt like she was cleaning the cut with battery acid. I really wanted to smack whatever she was using out of her hands. Though it would be as comical, I decided to bear the burn, facing the ground with closed eyes and tightened fists. When she finally finished, she calmed my blazing skin with an herb rub. The medic was wrapping my arm with a bandaged she had soaked in cool water when the cracks around her lips moved, letting a voice like distilled amber seep out of her mouth.

She asked for Sesshomaru to step out of the room for a moment to speak with me privately. I turned my head to the side, acknowledging him, and waiting on him to make his decision. He could contest; with a single word, he could deny her request and not be questioned for it. I could feel his gaze on my form for a minute before seeing him exit.

A second of silence passed before she spoke. "Child, you must care for yourself."

I stared at the woman. Her nimble fingers finished tying the bandage around my arm, and then moved to my stomach, checking for something only she would understand.

"I wish it was that easy." I sighed, wondering if the woman was looking for an ulcer.

I stared at the woman as she stood and turned to shuffle through a chest.

"You have been stressed beyond that which is healthy, child." She said from her chest.

"I wish I could argue." I commented.

"Having another woman in your domain must be frustrating. I was surprised that you did not kill her in your last encounter."

I said nothing.

"I knew you would eventually lose control, but I never imagined such an eruption of ferocity. The growls you gave sent those within the castle fleeing for safety, and your aura was like lightning. Still, you must be careful. You may not only hurt yourself, but your child as well." She said.

I looked away. Blood wasn't the only thing I smelled in the market. I scared Rin. I'm sure she didn't even recognize me. I didn't want to hurt her. I was fine with hurting myself, but felt guilty for putting Rin through that. I couldn't stand the sight of it; I can't imagine how Rin felt.

The old woman must have seen my downcast mood toward the subject.

"Do not blame yourself. You had no knowledge of the harm it would cause."

"I didn't think it would turn out like this."

The woman sat down again, prepared some more medicine, and packed the powder into paper she folded into triangles. "This should help with your blood loss. Be sure to drink plenty of water."

I took the packet and placed it inside of my kimono.

"This one is for emergencies. Should you stumble upon worse trauma then what you faced today, ingest this. It should keep you stable for an hour. Seek the closest aid if you should ever have to use this."

I took that packet and placed it in the concealed pocket within my kimono sleeve.

"You must take better care of yourself, my lady. I am sure you do not want to put your children's health in danger."

"Children?" I asked.

"Yes. There will be two."

I stared at her. "What are you talking about? Rin is the only child in the manor."

She stared at me. "I speak of your pregnancy, not of young Rin."

"What?"

"My lady, you are with child."

I sat there, trying to figure out how I missed such a huge topic change.

"Did I not inform you? Perhaps I imagined myself saying it." the woman chuckled.

"You're kidding!"

"Keep your voice down, my child."

"I… I wasn't expecting…"

"Could it be that it is not his?"

I glared at the woman as her smile widened.

"There is no need to give such a murderous look. I only jest."

"I would appreciate it if you kept your jokes away from that topic."

"I understand."

"… Two?" I asked.

"Two. You live up to the legend. You are already carrying heirs."

"Jesus is real."

"Who?"

"Would you like to hear about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?" I asked the woman with a smile.

"Perhaps another time, for now, you should rest." The medic laughed.

I bowed to her, truly elated at the news. Twins! That didn't take long at all. When I left the room, my elation vanished. I stared at Sesshomaru as I froze in place. I couldn't tell him about the news; I need to find a better time to tell him. With the way things had gone today, I was scared that something else might happen and destroy the joy that was hiding inside of my heart. I walked to the library, hoping to get my mind away from everything.

I didn't write a single word while I was there. I went to the library and took the time to set everything up for at least a little editing, but ended up passing out as soon as I sat down. When I woke up, the diminishing light of the sunset told me that more than a couple of minutes passed while I was out cold. I let out a yawn as my mind started to wake up. I remained seated for a while before Rin popped into my mind. I packed my untouched work and went to check on her. I don't know how she will react to me, but I would have to face it eventually. It wasn't as though she's never seen someone get beaten to a bloody pulp; it was that she's never seen ME beat someone to a bloody pulp. Well, the earlier I confront it, the earlier the conflict is resolved, if there is a conflict. I would face this one head on, and maybe build up enough courage to do the same with Sesshomaru.

I entered her room, preparing for the worst, but was met by no one. I closed her door and was about to try again when, thankfully, a maid that was passing by informed me of Rin's departure to Edo soon after she returned at noontime. Maybe it was for the best that she stayed with Kaede for a while. She won't be exposed to any more home wrecking. Violence, I'm not so sure. But I have to wonder why she chose to leave. It must have been planned; otherwise, the transition wouldn't have been so smooth. I would settle for that explanation. This way, it doesn't seem like she left in effort to avoid me.

I called it a night after drinking some water. Deciding that my pregnancy is something that should be handled with care; I won't give Sesshomaru the cold shoulder. He's the father after all. I'll tell him the news tomorrow and pray for the best. Tomorrow will be a new day. So long as I keep my cool everything will be fine. With what happened today, I'm sure that girl will be gone by tomorrow afternoon and everything will be back to normal.


	30. The Storm

I woke up to the sound of rain pattering off the roof and onto the ground. I stayed in bed for a while longer, listening to the rain as it started to lighten up. No thunder this time. Though gray clouds rolled across the sky, I could tell that I had slept well into the evening. I sat up and checked my arm. I wouldn't have been able to tell that anything happened to it yesterday if a silver line hadn't replaced the cut. I put the bandage aside and kicked off my comforter before putting on a light pink kimono. Last night, I came to the conclusion that I needed to get everything off my chest today. Though I've done more than enough to show how I feel toward the past occurrences, I'll tell him bluntly. From there, I'll tell him about the pregnancy and take it one step at a time.

She was worrying me. She refused me twice the other day, though she seemed to have no quarrel with my touch. Even the day before, she seemed reluctant toward me. What was she hiding from me?

"Sesshomaru-san…"

"Why do you persist?" I asked the woman.

"I cannot simply leave. I would never be able to hold myself with pride again."

"You exaggerate."

"We were promised to each other when we were pups. I am your rightful mate." She said, trying to convince herself more than me.

"I have chosen my own mate; my decision overrules all."

She was not lying. Our fathers promised us to the other, but it was never to be taken seriously. We are bound by nothing more than the jocular words of my deceased father, and a lord who wished to expand his dominion. Now that I have mated, she tries to hold onto her hopes of mating me by citing a compact that never existed. I yearn for whom I have chosen, none else. Now that hospitality is no longer obligatory, she comes to me with her last attempts to persuade me. Kazumi is my only concern, and forcing her to speak her mind if she refused to do so willingly is my top priority.

"You cannot just leave! We have to settle this." She said as my eyes focused on the door.

"It is already settled."

"There is nothing wrong with having two."

I didn't reply to her. Perhaps there was nothing wrong with taking on several mates to her and several others. However, the only opinion that mattered on the subject was Kazumi's. Before anything, she warned me. There was not a speck of doubt in her eyes when she explained that she did not agree with the idea of multiple partners, preferring to call us husband and wife. She threatened to dissolve ties with me if I dared to stray from her, and my beast and I took that threat seriously. She is too valuable to lose. The pain I felt when she disappeared those years ago crushed me. Were it not for Rin's insistence that she would return, my stolid demeanor would have been shed for a much more volatile one. Ignoring her warning would make her disappearance permanent. I am already treading dangerous territory, constantly being alone with this woman, and I did not plan on treading it any longer. I proceeded to the door and heard her softly fall to her knees as the scent of her tears pierced through the air as she held onto the hem of my kimono.

"I am begging you." She cried.

I turned my gaze to her, unmoved by her tears. "You will be escorted home."

She pulled herself up and attempted to wrap her arms around me. I held her arms were they were, allowing for no further advancement.

"A-at least let me have this once... just once. Please." Her voice was barely audible.

I didn't reply. She interpreted her own answer from my silence. She placed her lips on mine, hoping to illicit some type of response. Her welcome was overspent, and her frustration with my fidelity to my mate was evident. My gaze of indifference bore through her and watched her will collapse upon itself.

"I will not tolerate you any more than I already have." I reiterated to ensure that she understood that her time was gone.

I released her arms and started toward the doors again. I turned to punish her when her arms reached out to grab me again, only to see Kazumi reaching out for me. Her arms wrapped around me. She held me before burying her head in my shoulder.

For the briefest moment, I wanted to believe it was her, and that she came back to my embrace. My desire to have her in my arms again almost blinded me, but my rage took hold of my mind first. Did she believe she could deceive me? I did not forget the insults and burdens this woman threw on my mate, yet here she stood, trying to guise herself as the person she troubled during the entirety of her stay. This dream caster disgusted me. She was the root of my separation with Kazumi, and I would make sure she paid for it. I would incinerate her will, and destroy her mind as she almost did with my mate. Killing her would be too lenient.

"Sesshomaru?" The voice called as my anger was personified.

My glare was enough to scare her off of me.

"**I am no fool.**" I responded as my sight was stained red.

I could hear their muffled voices from beyond the door, but didn't think twice about it. I assumed that it was okay for me to go in, since I am the lady of the land, but the sight I was like a knee to my gut. Sesshomaru's hands held the tear-stained woman to the ground by her waist. When she saw me, she froze and stared with fear ingrained in her face. I stared back at her, feeling my eyes widen as my muscles started to tense. Her entire body laid clearly visible from where I stood, her hair spread on the floor, and Sesshomaru's shifting eyes left me dumbfounded. He was on top of her and leaving his feral state. My breath was stolen from me the instant I walked in. There was silence as I stared at the scene before me, desperately searching for something, anything, to say. I looked away from them, putting my gaze on a familiar vase filled with a motley of dying blossoms.

"I-I am sorry for interpret-interrupting..." I said as I stepped out of the room and closed the doors behind me, the unsteadiness of my resolve was written clearly in my voice.

So the maids put the arrangement I made in his study. How nice of them.

I was uncertain of where to go. I tried to just walk away, but ended up stumbling into an end table and breaking the sculptor I saved two days prior. When I finally decided to return to my own bedroom, I tripped on my own feet a couple of times before steadying myself by leaning against the wall. I placed a clammy hand on my forehead, trying desperately to regain my composure, but any and all traces of it were gone. My entire body was shaking, begging me to flee. I ignored the feeling for so long, but there was no stopping it now. I had to get out. I needed to get my mind off of this, to escape from this hell. I willed myself to move faster, but I could muster up no more than a brisk walk.

As I made my way to the front doors of the manor, tears started to form in my eyes, though I had yet to comprehend what I had stumbled upon. The maids questioned my wellbeing the entire time I walked toward the door, but now their whispers were impossible to ignore as more of them surrounded me. Their noise became unbearable, along with the heat from their prying eyes. I couldn't keep my vexation silent.

"Will you ever shut up?" I yelled with as I shot them all red-rimmed glares. "If you don't dare to speak your minds aloud, then **don't speak at all**."

The maids jumped away, knowing exactly what I was capable of when I was angered like this. I turned my attention back to the door and threw it open. I wiped my eyes to keep them from blurring over as I walked into the rain. Once my kimono started to weigh me down, I took off the top two layers and left them. I took my hair out of the bun it had been stuffed in, and let it fall past my shoulders as a sticky mess. I didn't want the title if it was just going to cause me pain. When I heard one of the guards call me by the title I was tired of bearing, I let it loose. I ran as though death itself was on my heels, chasing me to drag me deeper into the pits of hell. I was running for my life. I didn't know I could run as fast as I did and didn't care. Soon after I started to run, the situation dawned on me. My brain finally processed what I had seen, and started to mess up my footing, forcing me to stop as I reached the dismal outskirts of town. I crumpled over as I suddenly fell ill. What I wanted to throw up wasn't the usual bile that crept up my throat, but my heart. It was sending poison through my body. I was sick of being hurt.

I tried to continue through my heart ache only register the pain of falling to my hands and knees and the pounding of my heart, on the verge of bursting as more tears came to my eyes. I felt like a thousand needles were pricking into my heart with every breath I took. I was falling apart, shattering.

I'm an idiot for thinking that everything would blow over. I wanted to lie down and die as everything started to lose its color again. I was becoming numb again, this time, doubting that I could be pulled out if I did slip into it. I would have given up, I would have let my sense of touch dull away to ease the ache, but I knew I couldn't. I wasn't responsible for only myself anymore. I stood again, holding my stomach. This is my only chance. If he finds out, there would be no possibility of escaping. I wouldn't let him keep us here, not if he wanted another. I would prefer to run as far away as I could before having my entire body shut down and leave me at the mercy of God. I started again after catching my breath. I walked myself into a jog before progressing into a sprint. I felt myself getting into a steady pace, when my ears twitched, hearing him getting closer. I tried to slide to a stop and duck, but I ended up turning around and facing the man I was trying to escape. The juggernaut tackled me to the ground. Though he grabbed me in a way that protected me from the harsh fall, it wasn't enough to stop the impact from reaching me and, without a doubt, hurting like hell. After skidding a couple of feet through mud, we rolled into some grass as he fought for dominance while I struggled to break free from the struggle itself. I didn't want to go down easily if I was going to go down at all, but there was only so much I could do against him. He wasted no time to pin me to the ground and hold his ground against my protests.

A growl ripped through my throat, and one left his to quiet me.

"Where do you plan to go?" he asked in a despicably calm tone.

"Away from here," I replied so quickly, that I almost cut him off, "away from you!"

"Kazumi-"

"_Don't you DARE say my name._" I could hear the English roll off my tongue as my brain finally found words to express myself with.

"List-"

"_No, I won't listen to anything you have to say. This ENTIRE time, I listened to you because I wanted to trust you. I didn't want to believe her; I didn't want to believe anyone other than you and my heart. But I was wrong for doing that. Look where that trust landed me._"

"I did nothing with her."

"_Why were you with her to begin with? Why were you always with her?!_"

He gave no reply as my heart broke beyond anything I could ever hope to repair.

"_Sesshomaru…"_ I admitted as I started to calm down. "_I'm selfish. I don't want to share you with anyone. I won't allow it. What am I supposed to do? Don't I have the right to cling onto you since you're all I have? I left everything for you. Then you go and do this to me._" My hands left his face as my distraught rage returned. "_You've left me with nowhere to run, with nothing to do, and I thought that was okay because you were all I needed." _He made no interruption as I took a deep breath, staggering as I choked back my crying. "_I don't care if I have nothing, but if I can't have you to myself, I don't want anything. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life, than be forced to live with you and some other woman."_

"Kazumi."

"… I should have killed her."

"I was refusing her."

"She would have known her place if you showed her. I know you can't deny that."

He fell silent again, knowing they were both at fault. I cut off the connection our eyes had.

"Let go of me."

"I will not."

"And why not?" I asked, feeling my temper rise.

"If I were to let go, I may never get you back."

"_That's my prayer._"

"I will not let go."

"Do you expect me to just follow you back?" I asked sarcastically.

"I will drag you back is I must. You are my mate."

"_I'm not the one who needs to be reminded that_!" I screamed. "_I'm not the one who chose diplomacy over my mate!_" I looked away from him. "_You always knew where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with._"

"You are a woman."

"Don't give me that bullshit. _I don't care what era this is, relationships work the same throughout time. If I'm the only one putting effort into this, it's doomed to fail_!"

"This is unnecessary, you are misunderstanding."

I faced him again as the soft pattering of rain became the only thing audible. Every muscle in my body screamed to get away from him. My mind froze. Did he see this as me blowing things way out of proportion? 'Not necessary?'

The sound of my hand making contact with his face was muffled by the rain. I watched him with tear-filled eyes as his fingers stroked his cheek. I was struggling to silence the cries that were crawling up my throat. I let my tears fall along with my hand.

"'Not necessary?' Are you telling me that I don't have the right to be upset with you or that woman? Were you not the one who allowed her to openly insult me? Did she not destroy the little confidence that I had? Did she not challenge my place by your side? Did you not spend majority of your days alone with her? Did you not stop me from deterring her completely? Were you not the one who did not come to bed? Were you not the one on top of her a few minutes ago? Is my agony unnecessary as well then?_"_

"Calm yourself."

"_Am I not allowed to be vexed and frustrated? Or is that unnecessary too? Are all of my emotions unnecessary? Should I just give up, and become a stone-hearted woman that feels nothing, and has nothing to say?"_

"Kazumi." He called with devastating sweetness.

My sorrow overwhelmed my anger as he called my name. My heart ached.

"_Am I unnecessary?" _I asked with a breaking voice._ "Why, _why am I here if all it brings me is pain?" I couldn't stop myself from going back to Japanese mid-sentence.

"Kazumi, are you well?"

"What do you think?" I spat back.

He ignored me as he nuzzled my neck, heating up the mark he placed on me not too long ago. I tried to push him away, but he tightened his grip and forced himself on me.

"Get off of me." I said as a growl made its way up my throat.

"Be quiet."

"Let go of me and I'll be sure to never speak to you again." I replied as I struggled harder.

"Kazumi, be still." He said as he took his hands away from mine.

For a moment, out of pure instinct, I was silent. The blood rushing through my ears was all I heard. I know, no matter where I go, there's no way I can escape him, even if I were to go to the furthest ends of the earth. But any amount of space from him was more than enough. I needed to clear my head, and he only filled it with more worries and woes.

"Are you hysterical?"

I couldn't help the solemn chuckle that escaped my lips. "Maybe I am."

"Kazumi, were you hiding from me?"

I felt Sesshomaru pull me toward him as he ran his hand through my dirt caked hair.

"I cannot find your scent, even with this small distance between us."

"Yet that wasn't enough to keep you away."

"What are you hiding from me?" He asked with velvet lining his voice.

His eyes tried to find any clue within mine. His were so clear, so vacant of guilt. I hated it. It made me feel like I was the one betraying him, though I have done nothing wrong.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Then why has your scent gone?"

"I don't know."

"Kazumi. Answer me forwardly."

"Do you think I knew that my scent disappeared?" I asked him as I turned away from his gaze.

There was silence between us as I stopped to hush my flaming throat, and he stopped to think.

"… What did the medic tell you yesterday?"

"Nothing."

"Then why did she ask for me to leave the room? What made you smile?"

"..."

"… Kazumi?"

"It's nothing."

"Answer truthfully." He said, losing focus on our argument.

"… I'm…" His voice would coax the truth out of me if he didn't figure it out on his own.

"Are you pregnant?"

"Why would you assume that?" I asked as I stared at the pouring sky above us.

"This isn't like you."

"How so?"

"Are you pregnant?

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

"I know much about your breed, Kazumi, and how your scents disappear once with child. I will ask once more, are you pregnant?"

I stared into his eyes, finding it harder to say anything, much more lie to him. "I hate your sense of deduction." I said as I gave up.

The sight of his features in complete shock forced me to avert my gaze to the mokomoko at my side. His unadorned surprise was nothing like the controlled reaction I had expected. His grip tightened further (which I didn't think was possible) as his eyes reached a wideness I didn't think possible for him. He froze as the information sunk into his head. His eyes stared at me blankly as he seemed to recede into further into his mind. He wasn't breathing, just staring without a word. I bit my hand, knowing that my window for escape was closed.

"You are pregnant." He repeated.

"This doesn't change anything."

"Kazumi, I did not expect this to change anything. I never wanted anyone other than you, nor will I ever. I have already told you this."

I went silent as my sadness returned to its repressed, silent state. I couldn't look him in the eye. I didn't want to. I didn't want to see him. I wanted solitary confinement, to keep myself, to my thoughts. I had said my share, and now felt no point in saying any more.

"Kazumi, I love you, and you alone. I did not intend for things to end like this. I only wished for her to leave us. Forgive me."

My arms were already trying to embrace him. I wanted to pretend like this never happened and continue in my ignorance, but… I couldn't. I'm scared, scared of something like this happening again. I don't want to lose another person I love. The thought of it- it made me run, run far away from the smell of gas and fire. I dropped my arms back to my side and turned away from him.

How am I supposed to return? I lost my temper with the maids, and now we're covered in grass stains and mud.

Sesshomaru got off of me and took my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. I withdrew and helped myself up. I refused the help he offered me as I started on my way back to the manor, wanting to depend on myself. I could only thank God that Rin had gone to visit Kagome. I didn't want her prying into this. Hopefully, she won't hear anything about this from someone else. I don't need others blowing this into global news.

It was then that I realized that I was in pain. Sesshomaru's tackle to the ground hadn't been gentle, neither was the emotional stress. As I reached out to stable myself on a wall, I was pulled away from it by an unwanted hand. I was pulled into an all too familiar embrace. Too exhausted to put a fight, I let myself be placed on his back.

"Kazumi."

I said nothing in reply. Instead, I hid my face in his back.

"Kazumi." He called again.

I couldn't ignore him. I wrapped my arms around his neck without a word. The trip back was silent. I already said all that was on my mind, and I was more than drained. I rested my head on his shoulder, slightly hating myself for being so vulnerable. All it took were a few words from him, and he had me on his back. Then again, not everyone gets a piggyback ride from the western lord. I held him tighter, securing my spot on his back. I almost let go of him, almost ceded my spot to someone else. Even if it wasn't the woman who drove us apart that would take my place, someone would have eventually come to claim the spot, right?

When we finally got back, we opted to enter through a window. He let me off his back as I decided that my first order of business would be to bathe. I watched him follow me as I walked through the halls after getting a change of clothes from my room. I had to reach out and stop him from following me into the bathroom. He held my hand, silently telling me that he didn't want me out of his sight, in fear that I would try to run again. Well, I hadn't given that any thought, and I let him know that, trying to put his nerves to rest.

"I do not trust you." He replied.

"I should be the one saying that." I replied dimly.

Sesshomaru isn't someone who can be understood easily, especially considering his significant lack of body language. But the shift in his eyes from me to the ground for a few seconds was enough to tell me that my words had hit a sour note for him. I averted my own gaze as my hand reached to cover my mouth. I regretted sharing the thought and creating a growing awkwardness between us. Regardless of the awkwardness, he still held onto my hand with a steely grip. He is adorably persistent.

"Have some faith. I've had it for quite some time now."

He gingerly let go of my hand and let me bath in peace. It took some time to wash off all of the grime. Once that was done, I took a ten minute soak in the water. I wasn't in the mood to soak, but I found this to be one of my rare moments alone. I let myself decompress and breathe for as long as I could before getting out and patting myself dry. I applied some oil to my skin before putting on my kimono and stepping out of the bathroom. Sesshomaru stood outside the door with damp hair and an air filled with moisture surrounding him. I didn't question him about it.

I wanted to ignore his seeking hands, but the moment they interlocked with mine, I couldn't stop him from pulling me closer to him. We just stood there. I watched his chest move as he breathed and laid his head on my shoulder. I took a few deep breaths before pulling away from him. It didn't feel right, running from him one second and then running to him the next. The last thing I want to do is constantly flip between the two.

He was willing to give me space, but held onto my hand, silently following behind me. I did not contest it. If holding my hand was enough to keep his mind off of holding onto anything else, I would allow it. We were silent as we walked through the halls. The maids and guards steered clear of us. Their ability to sense the unsure tension in the air encouraged them to stay away from where ever it was coming from, which just so happened to be me. My scent may have disappeared, but you don't need a nose to tell when someone isn't in the mood for company. I would say that Sesshomaru lacks that instinct, but I know he has it. If anyone, I expect him to know that I would prefer to be alone. He's braving the storm.

My feet came to a stop before we reached my room.

"I'm sure you have things to attend to."

"You are my priority." He replied.

I turned to look him in the eye. "Get rid of her."

He stared back at me, forcing me to draw my gaze back. She was still here, and thinking about it made me cringe. I took my hand away from him, and held myself. I wouldn't let him come any closer to me, not while she was still here, and if he didn't pick that up from me turning my back to him and entering my room alone, we were doomed.

Once I was alone again, a sigh that strained my entire being escaped from me. I covered my face with my hands before letting myself fall onto my bed. I was exhausted. A hand slowly moved from my face to hold my chest, feeling my heart beat at a slower pace. My heart was full of surprises. I was sure that it would give up on me after enduring this torture, after shattering into an incomprehensible heap of confusion. Instead of giving up, it got up, welded itself together and still continued to beat, just at a different pace.

Was this how Sesshomaru's mom felt? Her pain must have been worse. Watching her husband chase after another woman when they had a child, knowing that he had a child with another woman, finding out that he died for another woman and her child and left her to fend for herself, Sesshomaru, and the lands he would inherit, the scars from those wounds must be large. Did it not bother her, or does she play her façade well? It would make sense if Sesshomaru inherited his extreme disdain for humans from his mother. It was a human that destroyed her marriage.

I stopped thinking about it. I was giving myself a headache. I grabbed my pillow and pulled it down to where I lay before hearing the soft rattling of something. I lifted my upper half and looked for what could have made the sound. It was when I saw the edges of a brown burlap bag that I remembered that I placed the bag in the spot a while ago. The candy was here this entire time.

I sat up, picked up the bag and opened it. The candy still seemed intact. I couldn't resist my sweet tooth. Sugar is my best friend, and I hadn't said hello in a while. There's no ice cream in this time, and making it myself isn't a possibility right now, so I'll settle with this. I took out a handful of the candy and downed them with ease. As the candy dissolved it released a sweet strawberry taste. After eating one handful, I had another. Thank God for sugar. I don't know how I would live without it. I fell onto the bed again as I shut my eyes. I would try to sleep tonight.

My beast was anxious, commanding that I went back to Kazumi, a command I did not need. I did not want to leave her side the moment I saw that I had hurt her deeply. Her comment on fidelity did not sit well with me. My choice of words then was not the best, and ended up seeding more distance between us. Once the arrangements on the woman's departure were finalized, I hushed the qualms my instinct and very being gave. I made no hesitation to put this situation to rest. I would have preferred if she fled to my arms for refuge, but I was the cause of her flight. She took refuge in her old room, hoping to keep her distance from me.

Five years ago, I never would have imagined myself chasing after anyone. Compared to the time my life has spanned, my change has occurred within a day. I have gone from caring for no type of human, to caring for an abandoned human child, to falling desperately in love with a human originated demon. Though I will have no choice but to eventually let Rin go, I will never let my Kazumi free. Losing her would destroy me. Having her run from me gave me a taste of how that destruction would feel, the panic that ran through my mind when I could not find her scent almost sent me into a frenzy.

I knocked on her door and received no reply. Her silence did not delay my entrance; I would not leave her alone any longer. She lay on her bed, sleeping quietly. With all she had to say tonight, I thought her rest would be more fitful. I sat next to her, and watched to see if she would wake from her sleep. When she did not wake, I held her cheek. With the intensity of our conflict, I was sure that the softness of her skin would be foreign to me. The lack of change soothed my beast. My other hand ran up her leg as I watched her face melt into one agitated by my advancement.

"**Well aren't you touchy-feely now?**" Her beast asked, waking in Kazumi's stead.

"I need to speak with Kazumi."

Her beast remained silent as her cloudy ash eyes stared at me before sighing.

"**She loves you, and, though I would prefer her to take revenge on you, she cannot ignore you.**"

I pulled her into my arms, not caring if it was her, or her beast.

"Have you forgiven me?"

"**You know how I feel.**"

"I realize now that my words and actions were not what they should have been."

"**You do not apologize often, do you?**"

"I had no one to practice on, and now I require the skill."

She let out another sigh. "**Be glad that your mate is less than willing to let you go.**"

"That includes you as well."

"**I will never admit that.**"

Her eyes mixed with blue as Kazumi became conscious again. When she saw me, she lowered her gaze. I let her leave my arms as she held onto her kimono.

I didn't have anything to say. Well, I could tell him not to wake me up if I was asleep next time. His grip loosened, giving me space to breathe.

"Forgive me." He said again.

"Easier said than done."

"It is as you said; I should show that my heart beats only for you, if that is what brings you joy."

"You heard that?" I asked with a burning face.

"It was unwise of me to not take your words seriously."

"You weren't supposed to hear that?!"

"How else am I to know what goes through your mind?" he asked as he held my hand, pulling me closer again.

I didn't know what to say to that.

"How am I to protect you if I am the one who hurts you? It was irresponsible to ignore my mate. You are the only one I will hold."

"That's enough already."

"I do not believe you understand how highly I value you."

"Of course I do." I said with a sigh.

"Kazumi, I love you."

"I get it."

"Without you, I am lost. When you are not near, you cloud my mind. If I cannot find you or your scent-"

"You don't have to explain it." I said with heated cheeks.

"Kazumi."

"I just want some sleep." I said as I stood, trying to show him out.

"I will not leave you in peace until this has been resolved."

"Sesshomaru, I'm not asking for much." I replied, distressed by my refusal to take his apology seriously.

As if he could see the hesitation within my mind, he took my hand without moving from the bed. I gazed at him, waiting for him to speak.

"After defeating Naraku, did you not scold me for leaving your side? Did you not tell me that I should stay by you when you are mentally unstable?"

His words brought back the memory, and how I managed to get him to declare his love for me. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I allowed him to pull me back into his embrace. This man never forgets a word I say, and lives by it. I felt like garbage for taking the apology lightly. The fact that he was apologizing at all should have hinted how much he meant the words he was saying.

"Sesshomaru… if I managed to get away, what would you have done?" I asked, trying to wipe away my tears.

"I would have tracked you down and dragged you back."

"Would you really? You wouldn't replace me?"

"I am able to approach any altercation without fear, yet the thought of you leaving me because of my actions affects me. I do not know what I will become if I were to lose you again. You are irreplaceable."

I buried my head in his chest. "My head's gonna explode."

"You are in danger?"

"It's an expression."

"I do not like that expression."

"I'll make sure not to say it again."

"Kazumi, do not leave my side."

"So long as you don't leave mine." I replied as I let him hold me. "It'll take some time for the bruises to heal, but hurting you will only make the wait longer. I said some things that I shouldn't have."

"Do not hide your mind from me. I prefer knowing your every thought than nothing. I will not allow for you to bare pain alone any longer."

I stood there, watching Sesshomaru as he inched closer to me before trying to steal my lips. I avoided his kiss, but let him lay me against the bed. He really was like a lost puppy, applying something I said three years ago to a completely different situation. And now that he has an opportunity, he's trying to make himself the center of my attention. It's adorable. The way he clung to me reminded me that our relationship is not one-sided, though it may seem that way. He is just as needy and demanding, if not more, as me, he just doesn't show it.

When I felt his hands running below my waist, I separated from him.

"Not so fast." I said.

"**Can I not indulge in my mate?**"

"No." I responded after realizing that Sesshomaru's beast was present.

"**I spoil you.**" He replied as his hands reached back up to my waist.

"I think I spoil you, my lost puppy. I should have trained you better."

"**Are you sure I am the pup?**"

"You crave for my attention, don't you?"

"**Do your ears not plea for my words of endearment?**"

"Touché, Lord of the Fluff."

"**It** **pleases me to see that you no longer fear me, Mate.**"

He placed a light kiss on my forehead, showing me that he acknowledged and accepted my request for time.

"And about the pregnancy…"

"Is something wrong?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Well, no, but… I really wanted to find a better time to tell you, but you went and found out yourself."

"I can feign ignorance, if you wish."

"No. That's not it."

"Then what do you wish to tell me?"

"They're twins." I said, sparing him from the cryptic messages that ran through my head.

He was still silent.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Two then." He clarified.

"Two."

The glint in his eye showed much more than the ordinary protectiveness he showed me on a day-to-day basis. I let out a shy chuckle as he pulled me even closer.

"A litter."

"I guess you could call it that." I replied as I pulled away from him to breathe. "I didn't think this would happen so early. I mean, I'm only nineteen after all."

"I hoped to have you for myself a while longer." He told me as his hand ran through my hair.

"You say that as though you won't be able to find me by myself ever again." I was having trouble focusing my eyes.

"It will be much harder to do so."

"Are you not happy about this?"

"Do you believe I am not?"

"Well…"

"I am elated." He said with a full smile, sending steam through my ears.

"I'm… glad to hear that." I said as my entire body suddenly went up in flames, knocking me out as I realized that the candy I ate earlier had been laced with poison.


	31. On the Road to Recovery

I eventually woke up. It took me a while, but I managed to break the seal of sleep that formed around my eyes and took in the light that came through the window. The air was as cold as the bitter winds that nipped at my face in that snow covered field last winter. My body ached while my face radiated heat. Each breath I took brought a gust of cool air into my lungs, preventing them from overheating and burning out. I could tell that my internal temperature was above 108. The minutes of blank staring at ocean waves and dancing bears before realizing I was hallucinating hinted at a higher fever. Those three degrees was all it took to scatter my brain into a slow reacting, oblivious mess. Before I know it, my bed was an island in the middle of a vast sea. My mind ran wild with aquatic life as I sat in bed. I would have stared at the moving pictures of my imagination for a while longer if a damp cloth didn't shroud my sight. I paid no mind to its sudden appearance as I tried to look through it.

I closed my eyes as the crust that had accumulated in the cracks of my eyelids and of the sweat I perspired were wiped away.

"Yo." I attempted to say, only to have a cracked and dry voice slip out of my throat.

No one replied.

"Sesshomaru, let me see you." I said as I turned to face were the subtle breathing I trained my ears to detect was.

After a moment's hesitation, "You are not well." He replied after removing the cloth.

"Not at all." I chuckled.

"I instructed you to decline gifts presented to you." He reminded me, hinting to the burlap bag that he had more than likely been thrown away.

"They were children. I didn't think someone would hide such ill intentions behind those innocent smiles." I explained. "That's the work of a coward."

I closed my eyes, feeling them warm up again. I held my hand out and felt him interlock his fingers with mine. His other hand slid behind my back and helped me sit up. The cold seeped into my skin, cooling my bones. No amount of shivering would warm my crying body, but I let myself lean on Sesshomaru regardless. He sat next to me so I could rest myself on him entirely.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"Three days."

That was one potent poison.

"How long have you been by my side?"

"That is not important."

"Baka." I sighed. "You can't neglect your lands."

"I cannot neglect my mate." He replied without moving.

"Sesshomaru, I love you, you know that. You love me, I know that. I'll be fine on my own for a little bit. You have work to do."

He moved his hands to embrace me, not wanting to budge from his spot next to me

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to get some more sleep. There's nothing entertaining in watching me sleep."

"You know not of your allure as you sleep."

"You sound like a well versed stalker." I replied as I descended back to my position on the bed.

His hand shifted under my bangs as I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, trying to cool those pesky eyelids of mine. Before I opened my eyes again to see if Sesshomaru would leave or not, I could feel his cooler lips caress mine before embracing them completely. He was the iced lemonade I craved for on a hot summer's afternoon. I wanted him to sap away the awkward heat of my fever. He was fever on his own. Though he cooled my mind as I focused solely on him, he warmed my blood. The heat was almost unbearable. I was some type of drunk that Vodka wished to induce on people. My eyes watered as my body burned. If I wasn't so weak, I would have held him where he was, but I was blinded by my fever. I could barely see past the mirages that speckled my sight. I let my hand lazily hold the sleeve of his kimono as he parted from me. It is a shame how the moment I get better, the moment I can think clearly, I won't be anywhere near as clingy. I'm not one to trust easily, especially after feeling betrayed. I doubt anyone is. I would think too hard. I let go of his sleeve before letting my drooping eyes shut and my tired body and mind rest. I was already showing signs now.

By the time I woke up again, white still shrouded my vision. Though my mind was on fire, I could tell that the body before me wasn't Sesshomaru. I've held him too many times to confuse him with his mother. I pushed myself up steadily, trying my hardest to not give out and fall back to my bed pitifully. Once I was upright, I pulled my sheets off of my body. By now, I'd gotten Inukimi's full attention.

"You are quite the persistent one." She said as she knelt to help me out of the bed.

"I am sure you did not come to be entertained by maids." I replied with as much of a smile as I could muster. Even the muscles in my face were weary.

"I was content with watching over you as you slept." She admitted.

I couldn't help questioning if the watching people sleep thing was hereditary or an instinct. Could it be both?

"Do you feel well enough to move?" she asked me.

"I will be fine." I replied as I supported myself.

She sighed. "How could he allow for you to be poisoned?"

"I hope you did not scold him. I brought this upon myself." I replied.

Inukimi stared at me as I started to leave the room. I was rather slow, but it took effort to walk without looking weak.

"I did not come here to scold him for this incident." She stated as she followed me.

"Would you like to go for a walk? This room does not provide great scenery." I responded, feeling the atmosphere become stand-offish.

We were silent until we reached the garden. Unfortunately, I had expended all of the energy in my reserves. We sat on a stone bench located under one of the various trees before further discussing the topic.

"What exactly did he do that angered you so much that the wind beckoned my bones to hurry here?" she asked.

I looked at the garden, taking in the change in perspective from our seats.

"Kazumi, I am not known for my patience." She said with ironic patience.

"There was an uninvited guest," I answered, "and I was less than pleased by her actions during her stay."

"And who was this guest?"

"She never introduced herself."

"How rude of her. What did she look like?"

"I would rather forget."

"Could it be that you are protecting her?"

"If you want details, ask Sesshomaru." I replied, feeling rather vacant of thought. "She is out of my life now, and that is all I care for."

"Oh what I would have given to be there when you confronted her. I am sure you were not far from ripping her to shreds." She chuckled solemnly.

"InuKimi, was this how you felt, so devoid and listless?" I asked as I finally faced her.

"I was wondering when you would ask." She admitted. I could see her shoulders drop as it was her turn to turn her gaze away from me. "It was so long ago, yet I cannot lie and say that I do not remember it."

I was silent.

"He betrayed me, and that should speak for itself. Then he neglected his duties for a mere woman. Perhaps I was jealous that he did not do such a thing for me, perhaps I was angered that he would prefer a human to me, it was more than likely both. I never could forgive him, and I still doubt if I can to this day. Dying for his illegitimate son and mistress, his death could have easily been avoided had he remained faithful." She was silent as her gaze drifted to her hands. "He must be turning in his grave. He and I were something special. Perhaps if we waited a while longer, if my parents allowed him to continue the chase instead of tying him to me, he would have indulged in his fruit of labor, or spared me from the torture that was to come."

"Then it was arranged."

"Much more than I would have liked. He was not the only one who became bored once the chase ended so abruptly. They hurried to solidify things once they saw there was a spark of interest, and suffocated the small fire with their forceful breaths."

"I see."

"I do not hate the man, I simply abhor his decisions and the woman that stole what was mine and what belonged to my son."

"It is hard loving Inu males, and I realize that now."

"Each has his own fault, and I cannot say that we female Inus are much different." She explained. "It is obvious my son has hurt you, and I apologize on behalf of him. However, I must ask that you bear with him. He lacked a male figure to teach him how to care for women. I must also admit that he did not learn much from his mother either."

"There is no need to apologize." I said as I looked toward the blossoms of spring on the tree's stub covered branches. "I must confess that his actions hurt me; I am skeptical of returning to his embrace so eagerly. I have had more than enough loss in my life. However, he is not one I wish to add to that list."

I could see her gaze from the corner of my eye. "I am sure he has clung to you like a newborn to their mother."

I gave no reply as my thoughts stirred in my head and those spring blossoms melted away into the blue sky as islands on the sea. For the briefest moment, my eyes hazed as my mind blanked. I stared off over the blur of color, empty minded. After blinking a few times, I found that I'd taken respite on Inukimi's shoulder. My thoughts came back to me as I ignored the hallucinations that plagued my mind. She watched over me carefully as I removed myself from her.

"Are you certain that you do not need rest?"

"There is not much I can dream of before my sleep becomes nightmarish." I explained as I took in a breath of air to cool my lungs.

"You should not exert yourself."

"Did Sesshomaru tell you the news?" I asked, diverting the attention of the conversation. "Do you know I am pregnant?"

"I know of it." She replied, allowing me to change topics.

"It was rather quick. My assumption was that a few more months would pass at the very least." I said as I placed my hands on my lap. "Very quick indeed."

"Where you willing to leave Sesshomaru if things had gone wrong?" She asked, not caring to sugar coat her thoughts.

For the first time for the duration of our conversation, we made eye contact. Neither of us deterring from the other.

"Before mating, before agreeing to be his, I told him I would not tolerate him having another mate. If the situation had been worse than it was, I would not be here. I was ready to abandon this, ready to disappear, the moment I thought he went against his word."

"A manhunt would have been ordered." She stated.

"I may not have many contacts here, but I do know the extent of his power."

"The world is no haven."

"I know as much from experience, and I do not plan on letting it take advantage of me."

She stared at me before speaking. "I see you have grown quite a bit since we last spoke."

"Did I have a choice?"

"I am sure it will pass once things have settled. You are much more fun to tease when you are not as serious."

I said nothing as I turned my gaze away from her and toward the white ship rushing toward me.

"It seems we are out of time." I stated.

"That we are."

"Please visit again. It was nice to speak with you."

"That is a phrase my ears will never become accustomed to."

I smiled at the distant islands in the sky before telling Inukimi goodbye. There was a moment of silence as I was transferred from my seat next to Inukimi to Sesshomaru's arms. I all about collapsed in his arms as elephants started to dance in the sky while the islands disappeared.

We were both quiet as he carried me back to our room. I hadn't seen it in some time. He watched as I made no objections to him putting me in bed.

"You said you would rest." He said as he sat by my side, holding onto my hand.

"I did rest, but then I woke up." I explained as I looked into his eyes. "I had a guest to entertain."

They were sealed off. He'd cemented all the nuances in his gaze, making it impossible for me to read what was on his mind. Why would he hide his thoughts from me? What did he have to hide?

"Why are you hiding from me?" I asked, not willing to be left in the dark.

"I hide nothing."

"Your eyes don't tell me that." I said as I sat up. "Your eyes don't tell me anything."

He held my arm gently before laying me back in the bed.

"It would be unwise of me to withhold information from you." He said. "I must make up for my previous failure. I do not wish to create a new one."

My temper flared out as my body was bombarded by a freezing shiver.

"I am not like you." Sesshomaru continued once he saw that I would not reply to his statement. "You are always alive, always filled with some emotion, or thought."

I shifted my gaze away from him, suddenly not wanting to hear his reply.

"That emotion has made you my heart." He stated as he entwined his fingers with mine. "A heart that I will do whatever it takes to keep."

"Even if it means keeping me against my will? Would you keep me here if I grew to absolutely hate you?"

"I will not lose you again."

"That's rather selfish." I commented as I started to play with his fingers.

I moved my gaze to our hands, watching for the slightest twitch in his hand. I watched as his hand moved to guide my gaze to his face. I watched as he kissed me. "I would steal your pain away if possible." He told me.

"I brought it upon myself. Don't beat yourself up about it, okay? I'll get over it."

He was quick to lay next to me and hold me as his moko moko locked us in place. He said nothing as he held my head in his chest. We bloomed for each other. I felt what he couldn't' find the words to express: the anger he harbored toward himself for hurting me, his childish desire to keep me locked away until we were the partners we once were, his fear of him chasing me away, his need for me to show him that I still loved him. The last one insulted me oh so slightly. Did he think I could shut off my love for him so easily? He could kill me, and still have my heart in his blood stained hands. Regardless of how much he hurts me, no matter what I think, or what I do, my heart will always belong to him. If he couldn't tell that much, he was blind. If he didn't understand that I'm just as selfish as he it, then he's as oblivious as that brother of his.

My mind and arms wrapped around him, as I listened for his heartbeat. I buried my head in his chest, as I looked for solace. It felt like a century had passed since we last embraced so calmly. My heart burned as the mark left on it from his love was enflamed. He had branded my neck with his moon, and my soul with his name. There was no way for me to ignore or escape the grasp he has on my emotions, the same emotions he cherishes. I am as vulnerable as a heart; I'll crumple under the slightest pressure. Though we are both passionate about the other, the slightest agitation in our carefully established equilibrium will throw our relationship into frenzy. I guess we're too passionate about the other, jumping to extremes to settle scores and maintain our bliss, or soothe our aches. I would have to make an effort to keep my feet still should this happen again. I stressed the situation beyond what it should have been, and harmed us both.

A low purr rumbled through the air, stirring me from my thoughts. I eased my paling grip on him before letting go.

"You need not let go." He entwined my hand with his own.

"I don't want to choke you."

"It is fine." He commanded. "So long as it is you."

"I'm going to drown in your love at this rate." I told him as I latched back onto him.

"If that is what it will take to steal your attention, I will drown your senses."

"You love it, don't you, ingraining yourself into my being?"

"I love you."

I hid my blushing face from him.

Once again, he left me with nothing to say. How could I come back from that without being embarrassed? I don't think I'll ever get accustomed to Sesshomaru saying that to me, but I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear it from him.

"Kazumi." He called as he pawed softly at me for my gaze.

OF course I love him too. I-I just...I just wanted to hold him

"I will embark for Rin tomorrow." He told me.

"Did you plan to leave me behind?" I asked.

He was quiet for a while. "You need to rest."

"I'm going with you." I stated.

"Is that what you want?" He asked before caressing my cheek. "Do you feel well enough?"

"I'll be fine."


	32. Recovered

After traveling for a day and a half, we were walking beside the rice paddies that bordered the village. I couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since my eyes last gazed on the rustic little village that filled me with nostalgia. The place never seems to change, and I would have believed it to be so if the village hadn't expanded its reaches and if the air wasn't busied with the sound of constant activity. New arms worked in the fields as older ones watch and instructed with backs once strained with the rigorous cultivation of the staple. The sound died as we walked through what I knew would one day become the bustling streets of Tokyo. We were demons after all, a well-known lord and lady at that. As we walked, the silence was disturbed by the cries and laughs of children as they played joyfully. My eyes wandered toward the sound, intimidating the younger, new generation of workers, gazing over the life that filled the immature bodies as they played with sticks, stones, and essentially anything they could find. I slowed as we passed the children as my gaze became all the more blatant while my mind drifted the children I would have in the near future. My gaze shifted to focus on the movement in the corner of my eye, wanting to analyze the reaction of the mother who would quickly shoo her children out of the view of the unknown demon that was staring at them. However, I was in for a wonderful surprise. The mother did not come to shoo her children away, and better yet, the young mother was familiar. I faced her as she lifted her toddler out of her older children's way.

"Sango?" I called, hoping my eyes weren't aging too quickly.

When the woman looked up and spotted me, a smile slowly spread across her lips as I moved closer to her, confusing those who were watching my every movement, excluding Sesshomaru of course.

"You and the monk have been busy, haven't you?" I asked as I hugged her.

"The letch couldn't keep his hands to himself." She laughed as she entrusted her youngest child to her oldest daughter. "It's been too long since we've last seen each other."

"It has. Time just started to run by after the first few weeks"

"How have things been for you?"

"You know how turbulent the first couple of months can be for newlyweds."

"I know all too well, having dealt with it myself, and then supporting Kagome."

"Things are getting better, and that's all I really care for. How has it been, being a mother and all?"

"You get used to it after the first month or so of waking up in the middle of the night to calm a crying baby."

"I can't imagine myself doing such a thing. I never was a morning person."

"I remember all too clearly. You gave us quite the earful when one of InuYasha's fights woke you up. You looked like you were going to kill him."

"That was probably my intent." I said in all seriousness.

My comment shattered the atmosphere, leaving Sango's shy chuckle to salvage what was left of the friendly vibe our conversation once held. Before I could move the conversation forward, Sesshomaru slipped his hands around my waist and placed his hands on my stomach. He buried his nose in my neck, wanting, and successfully stealing, my attention.

"Oh, look at me, stealing you away from your husband." Sango commented. "I'm sure we'll be able to talk again later."

The wailing of a child filled the air, stealing Sango's attention. She bowed goodbye and rushed off to care of her rough-housing children. Sesshomaru pulled me away, reverting to his possessive ways, refusing to share me with anyone, and glaring the stray glances away.

"No one is going to steal me away."

"No man would dare take what is mine. But what would I do, should you be tempted away by the exotic items I cannot procure?

"I will return to my tower, where you will have me to yourself, No foreign object can convince me otherwise. Let me wander for a while."

"I cannot let you wander far. Nothing is sure so long as there is uncertainty."

"My fancy is not so fickle."

He made no attempt to let go, and I'd be damned if I contested with him any further. If there is one thing he is ever persistent about, it is me. He won't let me slip away until he is satisfied or certain. It seems to me that one of the few fears that grips his heart has me centered as its source. We both harbor the fear of losing someone significant, a fear that will drive us both to commit awful and unwonted acts. Love can be a troublesome emotion, and relaying it, even more so. It is not a single emotion, but a term coined to describe the indescribable and the varying degrees of emotion that follows along with it. It's a hassle, love, but that second of pure, ultimate- horribly terrifying, yet surprisingly uplifting- euphoria is worth the years of pain put into it.

"Tell me, what are thinking?" Sesshomaru asked, turning me to face him before holding my chin and tilting my chin up to have direct eye contact with me.

I ignored my optometrist's directions, and gazed straight into those suns. Like always, I got lost in the sweetness the balls of honey showed only me. "You look like a scared pup, clinging onto me like this." I said with a light blush dusting my cheeks.

"What were you thinking?" He asked, adjusting to my mind's inconsistency.

I was silent as I sieved through my thoughts and worked to form a sentence. "You won't lose me."

His grip tightened as he pulled me behind a hut to lay his head on my shoulder.

"What can I give you? What does your heart seek? I will bring it to you." He said within a decibel range only I would be able to hear and understand. "What would you have me do?"

"I'm scared you'll bring me a dead bird." I joked.

I was forced to assure him that I did not want him to catch a bird, or anything, in my name, when I saw the intent that gleamed in his eyes.

"Whatever your heart desires, I will give you."

I could only smile at him, not knowing how to respond. I don't know what I want for dinner, much less what my heart desires. That's the type of question that will give me existential nausea.

He unraveled me from his arms and settled for having me within arm's reach, occasionally reaching out to graze my hand with his fingers to prove to himself that I was not too far. We continued farther into the village before something new caught Sesshomaru's attention, making him split off to do whatever he deemed important. I would have watched him go, but he was out of sight before I could turn to face him. Wasn't it a second ago that he was insistent on having me close by?

I chose to ignore his sudden change in attitude and continued to Kaede's hut. As I entered through the thatch laden door, a wave of heat rushed toward me. A few loose strands of hair gave way to the air as my eyes scrunched to keep the air out of my eyes. When I opened my eyes again, I was comforted by the sight of a familiar miko stoking a fire.

"Kagome!" I called as I attacked her with my hug.

I regretted the decision after realizing that we were much closer to the fire pit than I thought. Thankfully, the miko developed an impeccable sense of balance throughout our previous journey.

"Whoa there." She stated. "Kazumi? I wasn't expecting you for a couple more days."

"I wanted to catch you off guard." I lifted myself off of the woman. and sat across from her.

She stared at me before turning back to finish her work with the fire. "I know when you're lying."

"Okay, we may have expedited our trip a little bit…"

"Why? Is something going on?" she asked.

"Well, there's my short leash and everything…"

"You keep trailing off. Just be blunt."

"I'm pregnant and Sesshomaru doesn't want me out for long."

"You see? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

I let the information sink for a while. When I realized that Kagome missed what I'd said, I made my next comment. "Kagome, you could at least listen. I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant?" She asked.

I nodded my head.

She turned to face me and stared silently before a smile lifted her lips. Her eyes widened slightly as she jumped out of her crouched position by the fire to hug me. "Oh my goodness. Congratulation! You're going to have a kid running around the house now."

"Make that two."

"Two?"

"Yup."

"Twins? That's amazing!" She said as she calmed herself enough to sit in front of me. "To be honest, I'm still somewhat surprised that Sesshomaru chose to settle down. It's going to be even harder to understand that he's going to be a father."

"He's very sweet." I responded. "He's just willing to get rid of anything that gets in his way or poses a threat. And to be honest, I'm not that far behind him."

"I can't lie and say that you two don't complement each other stunningly. You give him a reason to puff his chest out in pride, and he gives you someone to dote on and oblige."

"I don't dote on him."

"Would you like me to point out how you get your sadistic and masochistic kicks out of him, even though it's oh so sly?"

I was silent.

"Then you do enjoy doting on him."

"But when are you and InuYasha going to give Kaede grandchildren?" I asked.

She blushed heavily. "We're not related to Kaede!"

"It's a metaphor." I smiled. "But I'm more than sure you don't sleep at night." I said, throwing caution to the wind. "I know Sesshomaru and InuYasha aren't very similar, but I'm sure they have at least one similar tendency."

"I just don't think I'm ready to have kids yet."

I gazed at her as she looked away from me.

"Or could it be that InuYasha went and did something stupid again?" I asked.

"It can be frustrating being his wife." She admitted.

I said nothing as I introverted away from the topic.

"What did Sesshomaru do to you?" She asked, picking up on my coldness toward the topic.

"It's a sore topic."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. not really. It's done and over with, and I'd like to leave it buried."

"I won't push you to tell me." She told me. "As for InuYasha, he suddenly stopped talking to me. He keeps coming home late and telling me to get off his back whenever I ask about his day. I don't know what to do."

Silence filled the room as we both reflected on what was going on in our lives.

"I mean, he should have told me he felt like he was losing me instead of pushing me away!"

"Then he wants more than just your words for support. He's silently crying to be spoon fed." I started, not filtering my own thoughts. "He doesn't know how to communicate what he wants or how he feels. So drown him in kindness and compassion. Make him remember he belongs to you, and you alone, and that you won't have it any other way. Make him pay for neglecting you, regret questioning your love, feel the pain and guilt he laid on you. He'll crawl back, realizing that he's overlooked all your effort and cling to you for dear life, realizing that his beloved wife is on a different plane from all other women. After seeing that he has every aspect of you trapped in a cage, waiting to entertain like the little canary you are, he'll be more than willing to treasure his obedient little pet."

She was silent for a moment. "I want to say that Sesshomaru's rubbing off on you, but I don't think he could ever come up with something so circuitous.."

"You may not see it, but there's not much I can pick up from him, but there's lots he's learned from me."

"Then it's just your sadism showing a bit."

I face palmed before speaking. "Why can't I think of these types of solutions when I need them myself?" I asked rhetorically.

"We should do this more often then." She replied.

"Next time Rin comes over, I'll be sure to follow."

"I didn't even realize how old Rin was until she got here. When I heard she was coming, I imagined a small eight year old running and clinging onto my legs. How old is she now?"

"Twelve. Her birthday was last week."

"You know, she'll be getting married soon."

"Don't remind me." I sighed.

"I didn't think she'd start dating so young."

"She's dating?"

"She didn't tell you? She's been seeing a young man. I think he's the son of a human lord."

Well this was new. Rin told me about a young boy who had jumbled up her emotions, but that was quite some time ago. Was it the same boy as before, the one who gave Rin the gem I told her to treasure? Is he the son of a human lord? I suddenly felt like a horrible guardian. I'd fallen out of touch with Rin, and now she was off growing up on her own.

"Actually, I think she's with him now. She said Sango was going to chaperone."

"I was just with Sango." I informed.

"Then she must be serious about this one." Kagome deduced. "She's willing to sneak around for him."

The thought of Rin running around, doing who knows what, behind our backs did not surprise me. We used to do that all the time, so why would I expect her to not do be cunning when I am not around? She is a smart girl, smart enough to have me snared in the affair. I knew she held some interest in the boy; I even told her to cherish it. Heck, I was the one who gave the man the code name, Bunny-chan, in case Sesshomaru was ever listening.

I stopped, recalling Sesshomaru's earlier out of character action, before having the color in my skin flee. "Oh God." I choked.

We were in trouble, and there's nothing I can do to stop that. I'm not even sure if I should try. I may be a miracle worker, but somethings are just impossible. It was painfully obvious that this fell under the impossible category.

"What's wrong?"

"How long has she been seeing him?" I asked as I quietly got up. "Please tell me that it's only been a few minutes."

"Since she got here. She said you were okay with it."

"If Sesshomaru asks you that exact same question, lie. I'm begging."

"She didn't?" Kagome stated with wide eyes as she understood why I was getting up.

"I need to go, like right now. It was nice talking to you" I said with a wave before heading back toward the door.

Unfortunately, the thatch covering the door opened before I could do so myself. Rin stumbled into the room as a hand reached and grabbed my wrist. I yelped as I was pulled out of the house and pulled to follow behind Sesshomaru. He sought the privacy of the forest, wanting to avoid prying ears and eyes. Within a minute, we were by the abandoned well. The spell that seemed to freeze time in the village must have stemmed from this place. The well hadn't aged a day since I first found myself waking up by its side. Its soft splintered wood still held its spongy characteristic, but seemed to not degrade at all during the years that passed. Moss had not invaded the wood, but still took comfort in the nooks that weather created when it still had an influence on the temporal gate. My gaze left the well that started this all and returned to my husband who was watching me quietly.

"You allowed for Rin to see a ningen." He stated.

"I can't say that I did."

"Then what was it that you said?"

"I told her to follow her heart." I squeaked.

"Then you admit to having knowledge of this." He replied coldly.

"I can't say that I didn't." I confirmed.

"You chose to not inform me."

"I only knew she had an interest. I had no idea she was actually making contact with him." I clarified. "I just found out now."

We were silent as the awkwardness of the situation started to settle in. Neither of us had a clue on what Rin had been doing while our backs were turned. Of course she wouldn't have done anything drastic, but we should know what she does. We are her guardians, yet here we were.

"The human promised himself to her, and she accepted." Sesshomaru said to break the silence.

"What?"

"They will marry when she becomes of age."

He sounded rather calm for someone who was supposed to be upset.

"Who told you?" I asked.

"The ningen was rather brave about it."

I was rather jealous. Was I not the more approachable one anymore? I'd assumed that marriage offers would be sent through me since I don't intimidate everyone that walks up to me. I guess I was wrong about that. Or maybe this was an exception. This had to be an exception.

"Are you okay with it?" I asked, ignoring the nagging in the back of my head that demanded to be reassured that I was the approachable one.

His silence had me bracing myself while my gaze waited for whatever made the hairs on my arm stand on edge. I was watching for any sign of discontent, and to my discomfort, found none. Was he really upset about it, and if not, why?

"I did not think Rin to be of the age for making such decisions." He told me, sighing mentally.

"Sesshomaru, you are rather calm." I told him, at least making him aware of the fact that his lack of anger was disconcerting. "Are you okay?"

I reached out and held onto his sleeve as I searched for the answer to my question within his eyes. When our gazes met, he turned away. Something snapped within me, letting the anxiety I didn't even know I held flood to my face as I felt my skin sag and take on pounds of weight. I don't know what I must have looked like, but it caused Sesshomaru to turn further away. I let go of his kimono. For the first time since we met, as far as I could remember, he avoided my gaze. He wasn't waving it off, or changing focus, or simply ignoring me. He couldn't bring himself to look at me, destroying one of the main filters within my mind in the process.

I wanted to hide, to just run away and solve the problem after analyzing the situation and coming to a logical conclusion and formulating a decent plan of action. I didn't think to deny myself the pleasure of fleeing and the comfort of preplanning my words. With the most resolve I've had in weeks, I threw my arms around his back and held on as tightly as I could. If I let go now, we'd both be lost forever. I wouldn't let the chase grow old, or let others blow out our flame. I buried my head in his back and kept the cry that burned my throat silent as I forced the words in my mind onto my tongue. He would listen to what I had to say. I would make him face me.

"Don't you EVER avoid my gaze!" I shouted. "Whatever you do, don't avoid my eyes." I muttered as I lost myself to my aching chest. "Sesshomaru, I love you more than my own life. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to cause you pain! If you're unsatisfied with me, then throw me out!" I cried, embarrassed by the tears that were damping his back. "You're doing everything you can to amend things, so you must feel like I haven't forgiven you, or that I still don't love you again. I never stopped loving you! I'll never stop loving you!"

He tried to move, and I frantically clung to him tighter.

"I love you too much." I cried, feeling myself break at the thought of him turning his back on me now and walking away. "I'm too damn cautious! This is all because I'm being wary on how much love I show you because I don't want to get hurt, but it's just making things worse. Why do I keep denying the thing that I know both of us want? Why am I such an idiot? I don't want you to leave me, and I don't want to leave you, so I push you away? That's stupid! Oh so stupid. Sesshomaru, please, don't leave me." I cried silently as I let go of his clothes to cry into my hands. "Don't let me go. Don't get bored of me. Don't choose someone else. Don't look anywhere else if I'm not there. Don't ever look at anything else." I murmured softly as I backed away. "Don't let the anything else entertain you. I wish to be the sole object of your desire, to be all you'll ever need. I'm selfish, and needy, and insecure, and worrisome, and weak, and sensitive, and jealous, and spiteful, and prideful, and indecisive, and burdensome, and useless at times, and, and, I'm just mad for you." My entire body burned with the emotions I could not out into words. "I'm helpless."

My tears had run dry since majority of my dismal energy was already spent. I moved my hands away from my face, staring at the wet mess through puffy, red eyes. My lungs and throat burned from my stifled crying and expanding chest. The moment of passion was gone, and I was left wondering why I'd gone on a tangent, embarrassed by my immature articulation of my thoughts. I was ready to leave my thoughts behind, seeing that I'd already selfishly shifted the focus of the conversation from Rin to myself. But Sesshomaru was more than willing to lay our burdens to rest. Despite my tears that drenched my hands, he locked his left hand with my right and held my head so he could kiss me comfortably.

"Nothing of mine is useless." He whispered in my ear after his quick pecking on my lips and holding us together with his mokomoko.

Physically, I'd maxed out on how embarrassed I could be. Mentally, and emotionally, I was about to faint. Anything more would blow the fuse that is my brain.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "I won't push you away anymore. I'll embrace you, even if that embrace drags me into the darkest pits of both worlds."

"Do you swear this?" He asked as he took his right hand and ran it through my hair.

"You are the only person who will ever have my word." I replied.

"You have no condition?"

"I trust you with my entity, just as you have entrusted me with your own."

"I have done no such thing."

"You cannot fool me, or yourself. The words may have not come from your mouth, but your heart drowns out all other noise."

His hand trembled in the slightest as he reached to cup my cheek. I held his hand still as his fingers traced over familiar skin.

"It is fine for you to share how you feel. Your words will never be transferred by any other tongue."

"Were you not pregnant, I would take you were you stand."

I was silent as I gazed into those wonderful golden eyes. "I'm sorry for making you wait." I replied.

His kiss devoured my senses, and I let them go.


	33. A New Family

"Lord Sesshomaru!" A maid called as she entered my study.

I watched her, wondering why the woman stumbled into my study, uninvited, and wheezing for air.

"My lady," she gasped, "Lady Kazumi, she is in labor!"

I stared at the woman, questioning whether to believe the woman. The howl that my beast let rip within my chest, prompted me into movement, preferring to take the maid's word instead of deeming her as a mad women. My mate was giving birth. I hurried out of the room, barely able to contain the energy that threatened to explode from my legs. She was giving birth after only nine months? I could not fathom what was happening. An inu yokai remains pregnant for well over a year. Such an early birth, could it be a bad omen? We took precaution to avoid anything that would create complications. Could some's vengeance have sparked a curse? Should we lose the children, it would be a devastation. I would never have Kazumi experience such tragedy.

I quickly arrived to where my mate's pained screams generated, and spared no time to prepare before entering.

"I am sorry, my lord, but we cannot allow you to enter." A maid said as she stepped in front of the door.

My beast called for me to remove her from my path, and I would have done so if the second maid did not remind me of the delicate process that was transpiring. Childbirth is a tedious process, should anything go wrong, my pups will not be all that is lost. Besides that, there was nothing for me to do inside of the room. Entering now would only be a disturbance to the midwives. I quieted my beast before waiting as patiently as I could beside the door. I struggled with maintaining my composure as her struggles became ever more present in the rising pitch of her voice. My composure shattered once she started calling for me. She desperately cried for me, taking the same voice that cried for me so many years ago before the final battle against Naraku. The adrenaline that pumped through me jolted my entire body forward, ready to hush my mate's cries, only to be held back by my insistent mind. I caught the growl that trekked through my throat before the sound could rattle through my teeth. I pulled myself away from the door. I would break the door if I remained close to it. In attempt to busy my mind, my gaze shifted to observe the guards stationed by the doors my mate hid behind and the ones who made frequent rounds about the area.

Their strict adherence to protocol, and precise shift in position was adroitness the men had shown no one before now. It seemed that they, too, understood how monumental the occasion is. Perhaps they were more than willing to protect their benevolent benefactor, or they knew their lord well, absolutely certain that any mistake would not be left unpunished, that I would be willing to deem a heavy handed punishment on any who compromised the safety of my mate. However, my over watch of the guards proved inefficient in the task of diverting my mind. My ears could not ignore her cries; my eyes would not disregard the images my mind concocted. I was soon reduced to pacing around the doors, waiting for them to open, as my mate faced the hefty task without me. The scene was unbefitting of me: waiting like a pampered pet for its owner to admit it into their chambers. Soon enough, I will be barking to be let in and pampered further. I should have been disgusted with myself, but for Kazumi, I am ready to whine should worse come to worse.

The sudden silence that permeated the air were like static, forcing my hairs up and keeping them on edge. My pacing stopped as my gaze snapped to the door, watching for the slightest movement of the door. Everyone became aware of the sudden absence of sound, leaving all bare. All followed my example, straightening their positioning and waiting for something to break the silence. A moment passed before the soft patter of footsteps coming toward the door guided me into the room, entering before the midwife could call for me.

The ring of crying met my ears once I took my first step into the room. The sound was intensified by the addition of another new lung. The smooth connection between the cries would confuse a person who did not know of the twin birth. I immediately went to Kazumi's side, and would have taken her hands had they not been occupied with crying babes. Tears spilled from their eyes as their little fists shook from the power that drove their loud shouts of life. She wore a weary smile as she handed me the child in her right arm.

The child went silent, acting as though his crying had never existed as I carefully took him from her. Instead, he yawned, suddenly finding himself tired.

"A boy and a little sister." My mate said with tears staining the corner of her eyes.

I could say nothing as I struggled to hold the child as effortlessly as she did.

"Don't be so stiff. Loosen up. He is your son, not an enemy." She advised as she cradled her daughter.

There was silence as we stared at the infants within our hands. Both were fairer skinned and bore my marks across their cheeks and wrist, and the crescent moon on their foreheads. However, my son had small black tufts of his mother's hair, whereas my daughter's roots inherited their sterling silver shade from her father, and her tips were stripped white. I could see clearly that the two had inherited their mother's beauty.

"Masaru." I stated. "Our son's name will be Masaru. He will bring victory far beyond what I will ever achieve."

"Megumi." She said after. "Our daughter's name will be Megumi, for she is will be loved by all, and will become the heart of the kingdom."

"The kingdom does not need two hearts." I stated as I took my daughter into my other arm.

"Being yours is a full time job." She chuckled.

This wife of mine has done what I had previously believed impossible. Who is this woman? Is she a mere woman? To have snared me in her trap and stolen my attention, and the attention of my beast. This woman, has now bore healthy children, a son and daughter, my scions, in a fraction of the time of that which is regular without complication. She cannot be a simple woman. Simple is quite the opposite. By some divine ordinance, she must have been delivered to me. This deity, unbeknownst to herself, was delivered to me, carefully and thoughtfully wrapped to prevent me from losing interest in the person who would forever change my life. Now, this gift lies before me, resting peacefully. What am I to do? How am I to appreciate the gift that I have been given, the person who has become a part of my entity? There is nothing I can do but to love her. I must love her and never allow her commitment to be in vain. She has dedicated herself to me. Any abuse toward her fidelity or transgression against her could not be atoned for, not even through death.

"Sesshomaru, what are you thinking?" She asked.

I said nothing as I gazed at my mate.

"I see. Marveling at the miracle of childbirth." She guessed.

"You are my miracle."

"That's the first I've heard of that."

"Thank you."

She stared at me.

"For bringing change to me, I thank you." I repeated.

"You don't have to thank me for anything. It's my pleasure." She said as she held my arm. "But don't think the feeling's not neutral or anything. You've done a lot for me as well, giving me a home and family, and all."

I was silent as I placed the sleeping babes next to her as she lay down to catch her breath.

"You deal with all my nonsense; you're there whenever I end up hurting myself; you let me be selfish; you returned my love; is there anymore I can ask for?"

"A husband that feels."

"Don't you dare try to bring this up. You're an idiot if you honestly think you can't feel or express your feelings. There's a special connection between you and I. I'm almost fluent when it comes to reading your body language. I'm not so sure if you realize that you're just as adept in reading mine, but you don't have to, nor do I expect you to. Our form of communication my not be verbally blunt, but it's most effective for us this way."

I took her hand, and would never let go physically would the world allow it. My father's words rang within my head. I finally understood the man, what he meant by love, what he meant when he tried to explain the devotion that drove him. Unfortunately for the both of us, it took centuries for me to finally understand the concept, that love is a paradox. Love, indescribable bliss, results in the worst anxiety one will ever face, and a doubt no other gauntlet can match. The summit of emotion can crush a person under its feather-like weight. It can strip even the most confident of their prowess, and leave them as pathetic, vulnerable beings. Love is a drug that any man becomes addicted to once they experience it, creating desperate and sullen men as they fight ferociously to be loved. This woman who lays next to me, is my epitome of love. I was wrong to believe that the emotion my father held in the highest esteem, was the folly that resulted in his death. He was so madly driven, that he was willing to sacrifice himself for his love, an action I am more than willing to do now that I have a love of my own.

My mate blushed.

"What is it?" I asked, keeping my purr within my throat.

She covered her face timidly. "You're smiling again. Don't smile at me like that."

I moved her hands from her eyes.

"This is what you have done." I commented.

She smiled as her eyes trailed back toward the pups resting between us. Her hands squeezed mine, swearing to never let go. She is a woman of her word. I remained with her until she fell asleep, clutching onto my hand as her breathing slowed. Her breathing rang like bells, soothing every muscle within my body. Knowing that this woman was safely wrapped in my arms, never straying too far and requiring me to pull her back to me. No worry dared to face me. Her resting features filled my beast with pride and peace, silencing his demand for my mate's attention. The sleep she enters in my presence is one no other shall see, one that relays a bond that none other shall ever share with her. Seeing her rest so peacefully settled my nerves, I was an adequate leader. She felt safe, and that was all I required. So long as she was safe, so long as they were safe, my work was not in vain. I held onto her hand, and would wait patiently for her to wake.


	34. Change

"Kazumi-san, I do not think I am ready for this." The young brunette said as she faced me, twiddling her fingers with nervous energy.

"I understand. I felt the same way on my own wedding day." I told the young woman as I set my children on the bed, instructing them to not move. "But you love him, do you not?"

"I do, but, I do not want to leave Lord Sesshomaru's side, nor yours, Kazumi-san. We have been together for years; and now, that is all going to end."

I hugged the girl. "You are not leaving us. You will- you and your husband will always be welcomed here, regardless of the time that passes between now and then. To create the future, you must let go of the past, it is a sacrifice of maturing, and the sacrifice of love. You are marrying the person you love. Not many are blessed with such a fortunate fate."

"Kazumi-san, can I not have both? Why can he not come live with us?"

"Rin, do you wish to drop all of this, and void the marriage? It is never too late."

She looked at me, quite shocked as I returned to my children, stopping them from crawling too close to the edge of the beds.

"The world is filled with suitors. I am sure you can find another to love."

"Kazumi-san! Do you take me as such a woman?"

"Do you truly love the man if you do not have the will to leave your old life behind?" I asked.

"Of course I love him! I would have never fancied with this idea if I did not!"

"Then do not hold yourself back." I snapped as I stood and returned to Rin. "You took my advice when you became engaged. Should this love be true, you should be willing to leave this place."

"Is it wrong of me to want to stay by your sides? That is what I have done for so long."

"No. It is not wrong for you to feel this way. I would wish you to stay with us, but this is what is right for you. Sesshomaru and I, our jobs were to guide you to this very moment." I said, pausing as I contained my emotions. "Now it is time that we allow you to guide yourself, and judge accordingly. It is time for you to create your own family and share the love Sesshomaru and I have given you."

"Kazumi-san, you are not like Lord Sesshomaru. You never visit your relatives. Do you ever miss them?"

"Of course I miss them, but they are with me, no matter the distance between us. Rin, do not worry about leaving us. We will never be too far."

"Kazumi-san, I will miss you; I will miss everything." She said as she ran into my arms once again.

In that moment, I caught the eight year old, wondering how her small arms were able to reach my shoulders. I was still in denial. Rin is fifteen now, and to be handed off to her groom. I said that I was ready to let her go, yet I still see her as a child. It was heart wrenching, thinking that Rin's scampering and sneaking around would no longer exist in the manor. Our days of shenanigans were coming to a close, and it hurt. I held her, calming her nerves as my own threatened to break loose.

"I will miss you as well. The memories will forever be engrained in my mind." I replied, taking deep breaths between each sentence.

We separated bitterly after a few moments. I fixed the few items that were shifted out of place during our embrace: centering her obi, realigning her hair, and straightening her kimono. Once that was taken care of, I gave her a smile, assuring her that her decision was a wise one. My attention then turned to the babies I had left on the bed who patiently waited for my return. Taking one in each of my arms, I carried them to Rin. The young brunette placed a soft kiss on each of their foreheads. We both chuckled as Masaru reached out to grab the young woman. When he saw that he had no chance of holding onto Rin, he settled for holding onto my kimono instead.

"I will miss the both of you as well." Rin told the babes with a smile. "I am glad that I was able to see you two. The kingdom will have a ball tonight."

"Today is your day, Rin, not theirs. Be sure to enjoy yourself."

She smiled, still mourning over the fact that she would move out of the manor tonight to be with the man she had secretly promised herself to two years ago, in contrast to the single year Sesshomaru and I assumed their engagement lasted. We only found out during my pregnany, which was well into their first year of secret meetings and planning. That was quite the surprise, but I could expect nothing less from the clever fox that is Rin. I was starting to regret not spending more time with her, but the passing of time becomes irregular when you busy yourself with the man you love, and your children. Rin would find this out for herself soon enough.

I watched her as she left the room in her pure white kimono. I was too used to seeing her in a woodland green or a bright shade of yellow or orange. White fit her well, much like how indigo and magenta fits me. Sesshomaru and I had held onto her for as long as we could, but it was time for her to return to the world for humans, a world I had given up long ago. Did I miss it? I couldn't tell; I was constantly being drowned with the ecstasy associated with my current life. I never really gave it any thought. Now that I am thinking about it, I can't help but give a small, deceiving smirk. I would leave that question buried in the recesses of my mind.

As though in an attempt to get my attention, Masaru placed his head on my chest as his sister stared at him, as though he had offended her and was now trying to play innocent. Megumi waved her fist in the air before staring at me and then returning her gaze to Masaru. I joined Megumi in staring at her older brother, smiling as I waited for him to return my smile. He attempted to keep his cool, mimicking the look his father often gave me, only to break out into a short chuckle. Megumi smiled triumphantly before waving at me and giving off a small victory cry. I smiled and held them closer.

"You won this time, Megumi." I congratulated before turning to Masaru. "You did a good job copying your father, but that smile of yours is too handsome to hide."

He hid his face in my shoulder as Megumi clapped a single time.

"We should go. We do not want to be late, now do we?"

I used my newly developed skill of opening doors while carrying the two, one in each of my arms, and left the room. I've been adapting well to multitasking with occupied arms. I let the indigo tail of my dress trail behind me as a maid closed the door for me. The jingling of my accessories occupied the tots I held as they reached with curious hands for my necklace, hair, and sometimes my earrings. I learned to ignore their grips when they proved to be safe as well. Thankfully, I didn't have jewelry with openings; they proved to be prime material to entwine fingers in before yanking.

I made my way out of the halls, and back into the ceremony hall. Rin sat next to her husband, something I would have to get used to thinking, and I made my way to my own. My babies seemed to understand that they were in public, and denied their curiosity the right to grab at whatever they thought of as foreign and new. Masaru stared at everything indifferently as Megumi failed to rid all evidence of her preceding curiosity. Some questioned my decision to carry my own children with their gazes, and I returned their judgmental stares with calm and loving gazes, the ones that told them to quit questioning my decisions and be grateful for the invitation that was sent to them. Of course girls were still crowding round Sesshomaru, hoping to get his attention, but I gave it no mind. He ignored them like usual, and took hold of Masaru instead before having me sit beside him with Megumi. Watching the mingling between humans and demons become less awkward as the night carried forth.

We remained in the ceremony until little Megumi couldn't stay awake any longer. I then took the time to put the two to bed, knowing that Masaru was not far behind her. I had to stay with him for around ten minutes before he was willing to let go of my thumb and rest for the night. I returned to the ceremony soon, and found that ten minutes for the party was the equivalent of an hour. The smell of alcohol pierced through the air, and loud, indiscriminate laughter filled the space with noise. I took my place next to Sesshomaru again, and watched as the party's atmosphere was filled with excitement. However, the sudden change in aura didn't stop me from noticing that Sesshomaru was drinking a bit more than his usual. He'd blown through three cups of sake in the five minutes I had been sitting next to him. On his fourth, I stole his cup away, and kept it for myself. His stare didn't faze me as I drank from his cup, ignoring the stares I received from the few somewhat sober guests surrounding us.

"I am to be your source of relief, not your drink." I told him as I put the cup down.

He said nothing, preferring to turn his gaze back onto the daughter who would leave him once the night was over.

I brought his gaze back onto me. "She will be happy. That is all we can ask for."

He accepted my words and stopped scrutinizing the groom. Before long, I was drunk and proving to be a wonderful hostess, pushing the crowd toward more alcohol consumption, more conversations with strangers, and closer quarters for couples. The tables had turned quickly as my checking of his alcohol consumption became his sedating of my intoxication-induced friendliness. Apparently, he didn't want me to be nice to anyone but himself. Though I wanted to keep the party alive, and chase away the depressing effects of the event, I ceded to his will, knowing that he would depend on me to accept the change and move on. Since essentially everyone was drunk, I let keeping my image up have less significance and committed fully to keeping Sesshomaru company and lightening the mood around him. You would think that having the love of his life drunk and wrapped in his arms would be enough of a distraction, but no. His mind was too keen to forget the big picture and focus on what was in front of him. Maybe I should have let him keep drinking. I wanted him to be happy. I could always demand his attention, but that wouldn't help anyone. Instead, I just hugged him. It took him a second to shift his focus onto me, a side effect that I did not plan out.

Not long after, we were in the garden as he held me ferociously. I stood quietly, holding him loosely to give him mobility and space to breath.

"You know," I started, "I knew this would be hard. For a moment I thought you might even shed a tear."

His grip loosened.

"But that was quickly thrown out of mind as a possibility. Instead, I settled on the fact that you would hold up your feelings completely, and forget that I'm here to ease your troubles. You don't have to do that. We've been over this; lean on me whenever you need support. I won't let you fall."

He lifted his head from my shoulder and stared at me.

"You don't have to be so quiet." I trailed off.

"I cannot hold onto Rin, and the same will eventually follow for our children, but I will hold onto you as tightly as this world will allow. So long as you are by my side, I am willing to face any trial." He said before gracing my forehead with a kiss.

"Your wife's drunk, and that's all you do?" I wondered aloud. "You used to steal my kisses and surprise me with your caress. It's either you've gone soft, or I've trained you too well."

"You have trained this Sesshomaru very well." He smiled as he held my head to his chest.

"Then it's my fault." I admitted. "But I'm glad, really, really, really glad."

He said nothing, simply cherishing our solitude.

"We should head back before someone starts looking for us." I said as I unearthed my head from his chest.

"Thank you." He told me, refusing to budge.

"Did I not tell you to not thank me?" I asked, honestly confused.

"I will do so regardless."

I could have stayed there forever, just gazing at him and being in his arms like that, but the sound of footsteps broke our sense of isolation. Our gazes shifted quietly to whoever had joined us in the garden. The bride and groom made their way towards us before awkwardly stopping a few feet away.

"I am sorry to interrupt, my lord, but it is time for us to depart." Rin said rather stiffly.

I looked at Sesshomaru, who stared at Rin. I left his arms as he nodded slowly before saying to the new member of the family, "Care for her well."

The young lord nodded as I stepped out to receive one last hug from Rin.

"This starts a new chapter of your life. Make sure that every page is filled with memories and bliss, but do not forget to return and share those memories every once in a while." I whispered to her.

"Of course I will." She replied before stating that she would miss me again. I gave a sad chuckle before letting her go and acknowledging the man she had chosen to sweep her away with turbulent eyes.

Rin then went to Sesshomaru and hugged him. I didn't listen to the words that they exchanged. It was personal, and it wasn't my place to listen in. Instead, I nodded for her husband to step aside with me.

We didn't go far, just out of Sesshomaru's range of hearing. I know he wouldn't pay much attention to our conversation, but I wanted him to have his privacy. We walked toward one of the koi ponds and let the silence remain for a minute longer. The man had light brown hair and hazel eyes. He stood at a comfortable 5ft. 8in. in his gray yukata. It wasn't my first time meeting the man. We were introduced after I'd lost my cool by the well. He was quite nice, yet firm in his decision to marry Rin. Rin was quite shy about it, though adamant about it as well. It took about an hour and a half before I gave in and said I would think about it. Sesshomaru said nothing, that day. We contemplated it some more after returning, with Rin on a leash shorter than my own. With a few more nights of contemplation, Sesshomaru and I agreed to meet his parents, and things fell in line from there. He wasn't perfect, and nobody is, but he resonated well with Rin, and they were both radiant when next to each other. She was still young, and would marry about four years younger than I did, but it would be one away from the norm of the time. She was educated, much more than the average woman. I would trust her intuition. She was the one who spent years with him, not me.

I took a breath, readying to start a conversation, but he mustered up his steel resolve to take the initiative.

"I apologize for taking your daughter from you, my lady."

I gazed at him before smiling. "There is no need to apologize. This day was inevitable. I will miss her, but she must follow her heart. Neither I nor my mate have the right to deny her such." I replied.

"Then I thank you for entrusting her to me."

"There is no need to thank me."

"I am sure it was you, my lady, who influenced Lord Sesshomaru's decision." He insisted.

"I would be lying if I took credit for such an action." I giggled. "The both of us needed time to fully accept this, but we can only hope for the best for both you and Rin."

He was silent as I thought about the words that I was going to say.

"In all honesty, I would have married him at fifteen if I could have. Before Sesshomaru and I mated, I was forced to return home. Those years I spent separated from Sesshomaru, they were agonizing." I started before looking up to the stars overhead. "I had been exposed to something much greater than I could have ever imagined, and my life was void since I had lost it. The moment I could, I returned to his arms, and every second of my life has been filled with excitement, both good and bad. He may not seem it, but Sesshomaru has a heart more valuable than all of the treasures of the Earth. It was simply hidden, preserved, under the sheets of ice that encompassed it."

I stopped, realizing that I was going on a tangent.

"I hope for Rin to never face the anguish I faced when I was separated from my mate. I pray that she leads a life that incorporates all of the positive aspects of my life. I believe that you are the one who will bring her the joy I cannot give her myself, therefore, I am your patron. However, I must be blunt, do not let my smile and speech deceive you. Should Rin return disheveled or with a broken heart, I will not hesitate to hunt you down and destroy you, regardless of Rin's cries for me to stop. And should you ever dare to harm her, I will return the damage a hundred fold. I will break you as I have broken those who dared to agitate my own marriage." I warned, unknowingly living up to the reason suitors preferred to appeal to Sesshomaru. Apparently, I'd proven that I could back the threats I sputtered in regards to those I considered family. "I would prefer that such an occurrence never take place, but it is the sake within my body that drives me to warn you of the consequences of any possible folly."

"I plan to devote myself to her completely. With time, your unease will be put to rest."

"That is good to hear." I sighed. "I do not enjoy playing the part of the aggressor, but I am willing to do whatever to protect my family. If you do not understand what I mean now, you will surly understand later."

"I understand, my lady, more than you may ever know."

I smiled, pleased with his response.

"Takashi?" Rin called as she walked toward us.

"I will not keep you from your wife any longer. Take care." I told him with a bow.

He graced me with a bow lower than my own before dashing me a smile. Rin is smart enough to make her own decisions, she always was.

The two left the manor to be hidden behind walls of stone and a city illuminated by lantern lights. Soon after their departure, the reception came to a close, and the guests vanished one by one. Sesshomaru and I would have stayed and seen our guests off, but, like many of the mated couples, decided to spend the rest of the night on our own. We roamed the garden for a while longer before losing ourselves to the crescent moon that shone above us. That night, we welcomed each other's embrace for the first time in what was shy of a year by two months. The next day, there was a silence in the kingdom. The great excitement over Rin's marriage was over, and the void she had left was tangible. The manor would never again be filled with the sounds of Rin, but would soon be replaced with the sounds of two sets of feet running throughout the compound. Of course, that would only happen once the cries of babies matured into stumbling sentences. Things would be different, and they would continue to waver from the initial three person family we once were, not including Jaken and Ah-Uh, who I rarely see outside of scheduled traveling and occasional visits to the stables with Masaru and Megumi. That was an effect caused by the passage of time. However, I know of two things that would forever remain constant and live to outlive the expanse of time. I would always stand by Sesshomaru, and he by me; and, our love for each other would conquer every trail thrown towards us. Hopefully, that is a trait we passed to every couple we have come to associate with during this long, challenging, and love filled epic of ours.


End file.
